Incident at the library

On Monday, I drove to the library to replenish my supply of mystery books. I prefer to visit on Friday after work. There are only a few patrons so the library is calm and peaceful. I had a list of authors and selected 12 books to check out. As I approached the self scanner, a patron said, "You're not going to read all those books!" and another patron strode up, said something similar but added "You must not do anything else!" Eventually a library worker addressed the first patron who told her that he had to wait for me to finish and she directed him to the other self scanner which incidently had been available all along. There was no reason for this encounter and thinking about it still bothers me. I posted a picture of my black and white cat snoozing on the back of my couch with the snowy day in the background. Someone commented that my cat looked like a "cow in the window and how much does it weigh." I can't control her reaction to the photo, but I can control my reaction to her reaction. I will enjoy the photo of my eight pound black and white cat curled up on the back of the couch.

Napa, our new hungry cat

Need to make another grocery run

The employees at my husband's work have been taking care of a homeless cat. They feed him and provide him with outside shelter. Recently the temperatures have dipped and when my husband noticed the cat shivering, he decided to bring the cat home. I took him to the vet for a check up. He is being treated for an upper respiratory infection and parasites. I believe that he would have died if my husband had not brought him home. He is eight years old and is constantly hungry. My new cologne of the day is "Eau 'd Amoxicillin" (scent of bananas) as I struggle to give the cat his medicine and end up wearing some. We have a menagerie with three dogs,four cats, one rabbit and seven fish. Along with people food, we need dog and cat food and timothy hay.

tablet with laptop capabilities

I wish all the letters on my dock were working. It takes five times as long to type a story on a virtual keyboard, even if most of the words come up! I am dreaming of an android tablet with laptop capabilities. I did not renew the subscription for the chat site. I discovered that I rarely used it. It was fun to chat with people from other countries and I will miss the opportunity to do this. I select books from the library and discover that I dislike either the writing style or the characters. I made a new list of possible authors to check out.

Sometimes you make me angry

Yesterday my boss came to the branch store to prepare for the open house today. All went well until two minutes before his departure when an order I had taken came crashing down. I had sent the order to a flower shop in another state and the shop forwarded it to another shop. When I called to check on the status, the sale associate could not find the order. It was late in the day. My boss called several shops, no success finding one to deliver. He was angry on several counts. I had only given the shop 3 1\2 hours to get the order delivered. The product was for a loose wrap and most shops prefer vased arrangements and he ate the difference. Also the order is going a day late. I called to explain the situation to our customer and she was most understanding. The boss said, "Sometimes you make me angry." I'm sure. I enter the wrong data at the end of a long day, and the boss, not an accountant, does not know how to correct it. The branch manager told him, "at the end of a long day,I sit here just thinking how I can upset your day!" Between my boss, martial arts master and husband, I am always in bad grace with someone. It is a chronic condition.

A New Great Niece

On Monday, my new little great niece was born. She is beautiful with her blue eyes and dark hair. Congratulations to my brother and his family! This new little one is his 7th grandchild. Perhaps I will see her later this month when my family celebrates Thanksgiving. The event will be at my mother and dad's home, and we will have turkey and all the trimmings. I hope many of my nieces and their families will attend. A bit different for my family this year. My daughter is flying south to spend Thanksgiving with her sister who just got married and my son is driving to celebrate Thanksgiving with his partner and family. I'm not sure if my daughter who is attending a local university will be home on that day, since it is a Sunday, and she has classes that week. Thanksgiving...a time to be grateful for all the blessings that I have been given. I have everything I need and perhaps even everything I want.

Happy Halloween!

Bring on the trick or treaters

Yesterday after work, I went shopping. I figured that it would be safe to purchase Halloween candy at this time. I have the inclination to test it out and find myself purchasing more bags after I've eaten every last treat! Today I assembled, Henry the pumpkin man and positioned him on the chair on the porch. My daughter carved the pumpkin and the jack o'lantern sits ready. We have already fired him up in a trial run!

Time is of the essence for professional shoppers

Periodically I shop professionally for the flower shop.  Today I went to purchase items for two gift and flower baskets.  One of the baskets was a timed delivery.  It was scheduled to be delivered in early afternoon.  I had adequate time if I used my time wisely.  I have to use strategy when I professionally shop.  I walk swiftly...in this case choose items from the trail mix and nut aisle and then proceed to the produce section to select unblemished apples, pears, kiwi, oranges, grapes and tangerines.  I have to work my way around lackadaisical shoppers who apparently have all the time in the world and can afford to meander about the store aimlessly.  I met at least a dozen today.  I used the self scan computer to check out and then pushed my cart out of the store and loaded the goodies into the car.  I pulled out of my spot and waited as four teens dressed in batman costumes walked as sloooooowly as possible in front of the car, preventing me from pulling onto the main road.  I don't have time for poky indecisive customers and even pokier unaware pedestrians.

Happy Happy 68th Birthday to YOU!

Trouble!

25 of the letters of the keyboard work except for the letter n.  I guess I will take the keyboard to the repair shop.  It takes some work to figure out words without that particular letter!  The keyboard worked well the other day, just discovered the problem today.

We will celebrate my spouse's birthday today. We will grill steaks, bake potatoes, squash, rolls.  I made pasta salad with homemade dressing.  I will put together a fruit cobbler--blueberries, raspberries, whipped cream.  I bought a small gift, 3 York's Peppermint Patties, a tee shirt with the Tigers as Division Champions.

Day off today, tomorrow.  I looked forward to a quiet peaceful AM time.   At 8:45 am, the grass care fellow was aerating our grass outside.  The aerator was loud, the dogs barked up a storm.  A crazy way to start my day off!

Amish Acres, Nappanee, Indiana

Amish Acres

My sister invited me to go with her to Nappanee, Indiana to Amish Acres.  It is a three hour drive from our home.  As I pulled into the parking lot where I intended to meet her, I had the thought that we should take my car or I should leave the car keys with her husband.  I did neither and as we were driving on the expressway, my sister asked me if I could hear the noise coming from the tire.  We drove further and eventually the car became undriveable.  We called for a tow and discovered that the bearing was bad.  My husband was kind and picked up the spare set of car keys and drove them to my brother-in-law.  He met us in my car, and we drove back 60 miles to drop him off.  We debated whether or not to cancel the trip, but decided to go on as planned.  Eight hours after our initial departure we arrived in Nappanee, just in time for a family style dinner of chicken, beef, potatoes, noodles, slaw, sweet pickles, gravy, bread, butter and apple butter....and dessert.  We scooted from dinner over to the Round Theater to see the musical Plain and Fancy.  In our room we chatted til two in the morning.  The next day we toured a 1860 and 1910 Amish farmhouse.  We took a wagon around the homestead and the guide pointed out the molasses press, mint building used to make mint to send to Chicago, one room schoolhouse.  We hopped on a buggy and rode through the woods, riding past the pumpkin patch where children roasted marshmallow, drank hot chocolate and choose a pumpkin.  After shopping at the cheese and meat and ice cream store, we had to leave.  A quick stop to see the quilts made of pots of mums and then the drive back to pick up my sister's car at the repair shop.

Angioplasty

Last Thursday, my husband went for a checkup at the cardiovascular center.  He had a stress test and the doctors were concerned.  He was admitted to the hospital and the following day he had a heart cath.  Two stents were placed in his LAD about 15 years ago and then another placed over these two in the last couple years.  The cath showed that he had a blockage below the stent, so he had an angioplasty and another stent was placed.  Already his body had started to grow blood vessels to go around the blockage.  My husband finds it extremely difficult to lay flat on his back for six hours so that the site in his groin where the cath enters will stop bleeding.  He was discharged on Saturday and went to work on Monday.

A Room for Jeffrey

This summer one of my daughters married, and the other headed about 50 miles away and is living in a dorm of university.  The minute she began her college adventure, I decided to rabbit-proof her room, so that her three-year old Angora rabbit, Jeffrey could hop around.  I removed all the electrical cords from the outlets and put them away.  My husband cut pieces of plexi glass and used vises to secure them to the sides of the bed.  Jeffrey liked to hide under the bed, but once she is under there, she refused to come out, thumping her feet and waiting to chomp with her teeth.  I put the bottom of her chinchilla cage on the floor, provided her with both her water bottle and a bowl of water and rabbit pellets and timothy hay.  I let her free and she hops around all day until it is time for bed.  I then show her the bottom of the cage, encourage her to hop into it and into her box and secure the top. I noticed her nails were a mile long, so today we went to the local pet store, but the groomers only do dogs and cats, so we went to our vet, and the tech cut her nails. 

Good News!

My daughter's fiance's stepdad fixed my tablet.  It is like getting an old friend back!  My photos, the kindle applicattion, blogspot... He is amazing!  My daughter and her fiance are in the city.  One week from today, Friday, they will be married.  Best wishes to them both!

Helpless

My boss and her family are going through a very sad and difficult time.  Her husband has been in and out of the hospital for the past three weeks.  He has cancer and a high level of calcium in his blood.  He did improve enough to go home, but then her grandmother became ill and passed away this last Tuesday.  I talked to my boss today and she told me that tomorrow the family is meeting with hospice as he only has one month to live.   I will work for her tomorrow and help out in any small way that I can.

Aloneness, frustration or personality issue?

I guess I have been my own boss for too many years--for ten years as a preschool teacher and six or so as an elementary teacher.  And now, I am all alone at the floral shop three days a week.  So one could say that for most of my life, I have been alone.  And I have decided, that I will refrain from situations that cause disruption in my life and seek out company that I enjoy.  There is no sense in exposing myself to so much conflict that I want to pull my hair out!  Communication is difficult because the person speaking uses words and the listener attempts to hear and understand the message.  And there are so many ways that the message can be misconstrued.  And perhaps the conversationalists will have to agree to disagree, because they both have their opinions and "never the twain shall meet." This is why I enjoy the occasional encounter where I am "on the same wavelength" with another person.   I, and the person I am speaking with, leave the conversation with  a feeling of connectedness.   Perhaps I live too much "in my head" so to speak, in the fictional world of my writing  Or maybe it is just a personality issue or frustration?  I don't know.

Parent Orientation

It doesn't appear to be cost effective to repair my android tablet and keyboard dock.  I am waiting for a price quote on repair on the tablet only.  The port on the tablet is the problem, so if I have it repaired will it solve the problem?  I did not backup my photos on a flash drive, so I would lose them. 

I am currently writing two stories.  I have been working on a love story about a 60 year old woman who moves to another state to pursue a relationship with a man about her age.  I enjoy Carolina and Rafael.  In the novel, they have just rebuilt a stable that burned down when a tree caught a power line and landed on the stable roof.  At the same time I have written the first chapter or so about a woman, Sue Lynn, who celebrated her 60th birthday.  While living her real life, she has decided to write the story of her life as she wished it would have been.

Yesterday, my husband and I drove about 50 miles to attend parent orientation at the university.  It was well organized--muffins, donuts and coffee to start, welcomes from the university and the city, talks on study abroad, class schedules, billing, finances.  We missed the afternoon session because we met with a financial advisor.  We were there so long we got a parking ticket.  Also, I got a call from my mother's home aide.  My father had understood that I was coming over to cover the gap between aides.  Of course I couldn't because I was out of town, so my mother's aide stayed late.

Camp NaNo

November finds many writers participating in NaNo--National Novel Writing Month.   I planned to write last November but developed bronchitis and an ear infection, so had to bow out.  In April and July writers can participate in camps.  Writers type diligently, obviously hiding their inner editor in a closet, and rack up 50,000 words.  4 more days until July Camp Nano!

Alzheimers

My dad  had wanted to drop some insulation off at my niece's house and play a round of golf with my brother.  My mother's home aide left at 2 and the other aide did not arrive until 3:00 or so.  He asked me to cover the gap.  Earlier my brother had called to let my dad know he had been working in the garden, lost track of time and would be late to meet my dad.  But with the Alzheimer's my mother understood that my dad was two and a half hours late.  She worried, I tried to distract her, but logic does not work with Alzheimers.  Diversion and distraction does.  When my dad came home, hot and tired after the golf outing my mother lit into him, "He was 2 1/2 hours late, he had a hot dog for lunch, he played golf at my niece's house.  The head knows that Alzheimers turns ugly, but the heart doesn't.  It is hard for me to sit and listen to my mother ridicule my dad. 

Hapkido

Tonight I decided to spar for the first time in a very long while.  The class is one half hour of sparring warm ups and matches and then I train in hapkido for one hour.  And tonight is running night...run with arms circling, run with knees up, run with feet high behind, run, run run.  I have dreaded Wednesdays and running night since I got sick with a bad cough last January.  This afternoon though I felt like running and did run for about 10 seconds.  So I went off to sparring and managed to make it through.  And then I ran and practiced agility drills and worked on forms which are floor routines.  At the end of class, I got my red belt with black stripe.  The next belt is my black belt!

On to other things

I attended a softball awards banquet for my daughter last evening.  It was a potluck, and we baked mac and cheese.  My little brain was too tired to figure out which dessert or the favorite kind of pop or the best salad to make.  And so it was mac and cheese!  Easy and very popular!  Gone in 3 seconds.  Today and tomorrow, thankfully, I have two days off work.  I am so grateful.  I've been busy with  my daughter's graduation party.  I enjoyed planning and preparing food and visiting with her guests.  Now, it's time to move on.  I have been online perusing ideas for beach-themed party gifts for my other daughter's bridal shower next month.  Individual, thoughtful gifts, not a plethora of starfish shaped bottle openers or votive candles in shells.  My idea is to buy 3 palm plants from the flower shop (closest thing I can get to the real thing!), tea towels with a nautical theme, those soaps that are decorative but not so great on your hands, body lotion, sea grass candles.  The idea is to stay within a budget of $3 per gift.  So, I will bustle about and purchase those.  Hope to be finished by the weekend. 

On another note, I have been writing and living vicariously in the minds of my characters.  Much fun.  The novel has a Latina flair so I enjoyed a conversation with a young man from Honduras who happened in to the store yesterday.  We chatted in both Spanish and English.  He was charming and said that he would come back. Hope I am not busy! 

Congratulations!

Tonight our youngest daughter walks at her graduation ceremony and receives her high school diploma.  Four years of hard work to get into a fine higher education institution.  Congratulations to her and to all her friends!  She would like to eat at a restaurant to celebrate her accomplishment and then she will head to an all-night party sponsored by the school.  Her sister flew in from DC and her brother is trying to get here from Chicago.  We will honor her achievement with an open house on Saturday and hope many family and friends come celebrate with us!  Once again, Congratulations!

Vandalism

We have a rural mailbox on our lawn extension.  The mail carrier likes our mailbox because it is at the proper height, close to the road.  He can put in our bills and close the door.  At least he could until this afternoon.  Some time, during the two short hours when we weren't home, some obnoxious kid, took off the mailbox door and removed the house numbers from both sides of the box.  It is a federal offense.  Perhaps he would like to spend his summer vacation in detention. So my husband rushed to the store to buy a new mailbox, since we couldn't get delivery with no door!

I sent my android tablet off to Texas.  Hopefully, it can be repaired.  I have photos on it that I would like to put on a flash drive.  And I'm hoping that we won't have to re mortgage the house to get it fixed.

It just figures...

My manager at the branch store is on vacation, so I have been covering her hours.  This means that I work 9-6 for six days in a row!  Being somewhat competitive in nature, I have been hoping that sales will be brisk while she is gone and that the owner will take notice!  Well, he makes observations all right, but of all the wrong things.  With all the things he has on his mind, he will never notice that the store does better if I am working it!

I have Transformer Prime tablet troubles.  I ordered new cables which finally arrived after getting lost and having to be reshipped.  It turns out that it will not charge because either the battery is dead or the port is not working properly.  On Tuesday, on my day off from work, I am driving to the computer store to learn my options.  Hopefully, the tablet can be revived as it has all my photos on it.  I am reviewing other choices.

I have made two new commitments.  The first is a Spanish class and the second is a church study group with my sister.  I can't figure out why when people in the church group tell about themselves, they always speak within the framework of a church denomination.

Graduation Open House

Our daughter graduates High School the first week of June.  I would like to have an open house for her so that family and friends can wish her well.  The problem is: 1) My house is not barrier free.  It has steps which would be impossible for my mother and nephew who are in wheelchairs to manage.  2)  There is no parking.  One time, my dad and daughter got parking tickets at a party.  3)  I have three noisy dogs who are not used to young children.  I have been searching around for a pavilion, but since I left it so late, it is like searching for a needle in a haystack.  I thought I secured one near the city airport.  I scooted to the bank and got cash and turned it over to the office lady.  No sooner did I arrive back home than she called and told me she had double booked the pavilion.  I knew that the pavilions would be booked by the river but called anyway.  Yes, they were booked but other city parks had spaces to rent.  Now years ago, when I was young, the parks department froze a large portion of the park and my brother, sister, cousins and I would walk over with our ice skates and enjoy a fun time outside.  At that time, the dwelling was little more than a small room with benches.  I guess it's been rebuilt since then, because now the "warming hut" is used for art shows, parties and other gatherings.  And it is barrier free, has lots of parking, wide outdoor spaces and is free of dogs.  Well, they do run around outside after frisbees and balls.  I rented this space and then commenced to design an invitation for family and friends.  It was a masterpiece!  Green and gold--my daughter's school colors.  However, when I printed it, alas, only the yellow worked.  I headed off to the district library.  No color printer was available, but I decided to forgo color and use black and white.  The young woman who helped me said that she liked the invitations!  I ran out of stamps so a quick trip to the store to buy more and drop the invitations in the mail.  I have decided on a menu--watermelon and pineapple, assorted veggies, flat bread and croissants with a deli tray, tuna pasta salad, potato salad, drop chocolate chip cookies, brownies, cake, a chocolate fountain, and ice tea, lemonade, pop and water to drink.  Seems everything is falling into place!   

Spring Garden

My dad called me at work to ask me to take pictures of his spring garden.  I couldn't use the camera on my Asus tablet because I cannot charge it.  I had ordered an after market USB cable. One day as I opened my sling bag I discovered that the plastic pieces covering the wires had separated and were lying loose.  I snapped them back together, but the short of it is, that the cable no longer works.  I took photos with my digital camera and when I get the new cables will download them to the tablet.  My mother can see them quite well on the tablet.

Last year, my husband left the crank handle on the front of the pop up trailer and then headed for home.  We got home and had no handle.  Bit of a mess, as the vinyl was wet and the pop up needed to be raised.  This involved removing the gear cover and using a wrench to raise and lower the popup.  I called and ordered a new crank handle on Thursday and it was delivered to my house Friday.  Thank you for the excellent service.  I am now considering a short vacation-- leave Sun, May 26, returning Wed, May 29.  A short camping trip to commune with the squirrels and birds.

I cannot do my exercise program today as I have been going nonstop for 12 hours.  I went to church, cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the carpet and worked.  I made arrangements to purchase a hoyer lift.  It took my dad and me two hours to drive there and back and haul the thing into the house.  It is his insurance policy.  If he has it, he will not need it.   So, I am taking a day off.  I know it's lazy, but I wouldn't be finished til 11p.m.

New Day

I was out in the fresh air yesterday, and came home tired.  So I fell asleep immediately about 10:30pm.  I slept for perhaps 3 hours when the puggle decided he needed a romp outside.  I let him out and then do you think I could fall back asleep?  Of course not!  At 2:30 am, my husband got a text message and the theme from Star Wars sounded throughout the room.  The wind or cat caused the door to open and the noise startled me.  The radio alarm clock fell off the nightstand.  And my husband got up and wandered to the back door because he thought he heard one of the dogs barking to get in.  Not to mention several trips to the bathroom.  My mind was twirling and dancing and sadly, I could not get to my "happy place" so that I could fall back asleep.  My thoughts were not comforting.  Finally toward early morning, I drifted off.

It's pleasant walking down the street and greeting the neighbors.  One introduced himself and invited me to attend fitness classes at the rec center.  He said that some people need company for motivation.  As an added bonus, it's free!  Today I walked 10,000 steps, rode the exercise bike, went up and down the stairs 10 times.

A friend organized a get-together at the library.  Some of us will be practicing Spanish and others will be learning English.  I am looking forward to it.

My daughter's softball team got clobbered (double header) yesterday and coach was not  happy.  I could tell my daughter was upset when she came home, but respected that she didn't want to talk about it.  So I made comfort food...tuna with crackers, strawberries and whipped cream, carrots and celery with ranch dressing.

I know the coach is frustrated.  My daughter told me at the beginning of the season that she thought her team was good.  The team has won 3 and lost 9.  It's a combination of problems--the pitcher walking batters, no offense and errors.  I appreciate all the hard work the coach and his staff have put in with the girls.  Today is a new day.  Will the team win?  Anything is possible.

Snowing

I rode the health rider for 30 minutes and then headed out into the rainy, snowy day to walk 10,000 steps.  By the time I got home, my jacket was soaked!  I have been riding and walking for 8 days now, only missing one--the day of my daughter's game. There was no possible way to get the exercise in as my boss asked me to stay late, i was at the game til 8pm, came home, fixed something to eat.

I wish I were more tech savvy.  I was so preoccupied when my mother was in the nursing home, running up there all the time, that twice I forgot to zip my carry bag, and my Asus tablet and dock fell out onto the floor.  The metal is fine where the adapter plugs in and by the USB port, so when it hit the floor, the metal split.  It worked  for a minute, but suddenly I can't charge through the dock.  I believe it is a matter of moving the connector device in the dock more toward the outside so the plug will connect.  It's not just hardware that I have trouble with.  I try to install apps and I believe the process in interrupted so the apps don't work properly.  I uninstall them and then install them a 2nd or 3rd time.  Now too, since I updated, I have a glitch on the kindle app.  I will be reading and then the app freezes.  Found out that if   I open another book, and then return to the original book, I can forward the page. 

The Game

So, I've worked out a manageable and realistic exercise routine.  I enjoy hapkido--it wards off Alzheimers and keeps me moving--but unless it is fitness day, it is not terribly aerobic.  So I have a plan to ride the exercise bike for 30 minutes and then walk 10,000 steps  Now this is the story problem.

I walk from one corner of my block (down the street) to the other corner and then back to where I started.  And to keep track, I pick up a small pebble and put it in my pocket when I have completed one trip down and one trip back.  I pick up 4 small pebbles.  Then I repeat the process (walk from one corner to the other and back to where I started from) and set the pebble down.  I continue this til all 4 pebbles are out of my pocket.  The question is how many trips do I make up and down the block?

The softball coach made my daughter cry after the game last evening.  It was a series of unfortunate events.  The pitcher was not having a good afternoon, there were errors, the girls got called out on 3rd strikes, some players did not know what to do with the ball.  She also got the impression that he did not want them to smile and laugh after a good batting sequence because the team was losing.  I don't know where coaches and trainers think they can laugh at and make disparaging remarks about a student.  I never hear a positive comment about any of my techniques or forms.  I don't agree with this philosophy.

I walked to the fence today and noticed daffodils and hyacinths blooming and green poppy leaves growing.  I also am considering planting shade loving plants in the area that was formerly a sandbox.

Talked to my coworker

My coworker has been assisting with care for my mother.  She will soon graduate from university...has possibly one class to take yet.  She is excited about pursuing a career in forensic anthropology or global wellness.  My Dad told me to tell her that it will not be necessary for her to help after Tuesday.  Today at work I thanked her for all the help that she had given and told her that my mother is doing well.  We also confirmed that her job will end after her shift on Tuesday.    It went well.  She acknowledged that my mother got upset with all the aides, nurses and therapists coming and going.  She seemed relieved to be finished and eager to pursue a job in her field.  Another hurdle jumped.

My coworker

I asked my coworker if she would like a part-time job sitting with my mother who has alzheimers.  She has been working the last two weeks or so.  Yesterday, my dad informed me that another aide has become available and it is not necessary for my friend to care for my mother any longer.  Now I need to tell her that her job with my mother is at an end.  I feel badly...hope it does not put her in dire financial straits.  Perhaps it will be a positive in her life.  She graduates from university soon and can concentrate on a job in her field.

Not Afraid

With the rest of the country, my heart goes out to the thousands or even millions of people touched by the Boston tragedy yesterday.  Physical and psychological injury yet again.  It will help if the identities of the perpetrators can be determined.  However, the fact that terrorists or ill people prey on the innocent will not stop me from enjoying pleasures of life.  I will continue to walk the Mackinac Bridge on Labor Day, even though I realize some nut job could be waiting to blow up the bridge and hurl me into the lake.  I always take precautions and use common sense.  I don't invite trouble, but I am not afraid to live either.  Could I be in the wrong place at the wrong time?  Absolutely.  Could I be the innocent victim of a demented mind?  Yes.  Will that stop me from going out?  NO

Surprises

 
 
 
Last year, one of the store owners gave me some hyacinth bulbs.   I planted them last spring and promptly forgot about them.  I came home and noticed the beautiful blue and pink flowers in bloom.  A couple were thirsty and I had siphoned water from the aquarium, so gave them a fish-water drink

Analysis

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, they say.  My dad is always going on about fairness, especially in regard to the way he treats my brother, sister and me.  So, it's easy to see why I would be so focused on fairness, especially at work.  It does little good however, as my manager is anything but fair, life is not fair.  However it does explain a lot.

Then I have this "nose out of joint syndrome."  My sister told me in late February during a 45 minute rant "to take care of everything" with regard to my parents.  Consequently, I find it difficult some times to let go.  Perhaps it is not so much that someone is stepping on my toes, as a difficulty in relinquishing responsiblity.

I am tired of being the object of people's displeasure.  In hapkido, the constant barrage of corrections.  With my husband, derogatory comments.  At work, i come into the office to make a copy and am told i must knock, because i scared the owner half to death.  Is this life--nothing complimentery, but constant put downs?  Makes one want to live on an island.

I have dropped my tablet and dock, and damaged the charging unit on the dock.  I can only charge through the tablet.

New Ramp

Handicap Accessible

All this, because there are two steps, count them two steps from the family room into the kitchen and my mother is not consistent enough to walk them.  It is not easy to get her in and out of the house, at least not this first adventure  Started toward the front door there, only to realize that we couldn't make the turn to get to it.  So relocated some furniture as we were heading out to a doctor appointment  There is a slight bump at the thresh hold making it terribly hard to get to the deck.  And then have to go first left and then right, to turn the chair facing the right way.  We made it down, my dad helping me in case gravity took over, and we went flying.  Makes me wish i was strong enough to roll the wheelchair backwards up two silly steps

Building a Deck

My dad designed a handicap accessible ramp for his front door.  The plan is to cover the concrete porch with decking and build a ramp that extends straight from the porch for about 10'.  The ramp will then make a right-angle turn and extend for 20' to the driveway.  My dad, brother, and brother-in-law worked all day Monday and constructed some of the first phase.  When I called the house today, my dad was outside working on the project, so I drove to the house to offer my services.  I helped dig a 44" x 48" trench.  The ramp is to have four joists under the decking and for the decking to be even with the concrete driveway.  I also held 2 x 4s in place so that my dad could screw them to the posts.  I enjoyed the time with my dad.  It is a nice change from visiting with my mother who has Alzheimer's.

Solitude

Solitude
Sitting by myself.
Relishing my time alone.
Organizing thoughts.

Enjoying time alone

I shopped, worked, attended church services, cooked and visited with family last week.  This morning I drove my daughter to the airport and am now  home alone. The sun is shining, fluffy white clouds dot the sky, my dogs are quiet, the dryer is tumbling.  I revel in having time to gather scattered thoughts.  I haven't had much time to do this for several weeks.  As a matter of fact, my prayer for the last few weeks when preoccupation was the key, was "Lord, please help me to stay focused and not do something stupid."  It is wonderful to sit at my kitchen table, to write, to enjoy my own company, to find my lost self.   I am soothed by the solitude.

Her Treasure

On Friday, a woman came into the store with an item in bubble wrap.  As she carefully unwound the layers of plastic, I could see a beautiful blue and white bowl.  She told me that it was fine china, made in China, called Delftware.  (I didn't know what she said, until she wrote it down).  It reminded me a bit of Wedgewood china from England.  To my delight, I saw her take off a cover.  The cover had five holes and the purpose of the bowl was for bulbs!  She told me that in England she saw crocuses blooming in pea gravel, and asked me if I would plant bulbs in the bowl using gravel as the medium.  I told her that I would see what I could do.  She mentioned how much she enjoyed the hyacinth since it had such a pretty smell.   I was able to place 2 crocus, 2 daffodil and 1 hyacinth.  The hyacinth was the focal point.  It was also a bit big to get through the hole so a leaf or two was bruised. The 5 plants had to be placed exactly so that they would come through the holes. When she came to the store the next day, I was busy with a customer.  Later she told me that she "had peeked."  She had gone to the back of the store where the bowl was waiting.  However she was so pleased.  I taped the cover to the bowl, wrapped it in a sleeve to protect the shoots from the cold and gently nestled the bowl in a box with light blue tissue paper.  I held the door for her as she carried her treasure to the car. 

Happy Day!

I have not been bothered by the winter blahs too much this year.  I surmise it is because i have been so busy that I haven't had the time.  And now spring begins in three days!  I know the weather won't cooperate with the calendar,  but it is heartening to know that baseball and short sleeve weather is around the corner.  Whenever I comment on a sunny day, I say, "I know it's cold, but it's sunny.  The sun lifts up my mood."

My Mother's roommate at the nursing home is Irish.  My dad brought up corned beef, cabbage and potato that he cooked for my mother.   Later in the afternoon, three more generations swept into the room, the roommate's daughter,  granddaughter and great grandchildren.  They came bearing gifts sourdough bread, cookies, all kinds of delicacies.  The first names of all the girls is Mary...Mary Pat, Mary Christine, Mary Anne, Mary Ellen, Mary Claire, Mary Elizabeth.  I borrowed and held one year old Mary Suzanne for a brief moment.  She wore a tulle skirt with shamrocks and could charm the leprechauns themselves.  A most happy St. Patrick's Day to me (I am Irish on St Paddy's day!).

I haven't heard from a good friend in over a month.  Can't help but wonder.  Perhaps I'll never hear from him again and I feel sad.  Maybe I overdid, took too much of his time when he would rather have been off by himself.  My cowoker says not to take it personally.  I feel lost.  This is history repeating itself!

Attempting to stay on even keel

To keep my emotions on even keel, I am staying away from situations which will upset me.  At this point, I want my life to be as drama-free as possible, so that I can make it through a daily schedule.  When I am at the dojang, I focus only on hapkido.  Martial arts is a time for me to put responsibilities and concerns aside for one hour.  I spend time with my God in reading and prayer.  Through spiritual endeavors, I have energy to cope with issues that arise.  And I feel happiness.  I felt joy to share a laugh with my mother and dad when my father propelled the wheelchair over the wastebasket, to talk with my husband and daughters, to come home and find the beautiful tulip arrangement from my son on the kitchen table, to watch my mother walk for the first time in four weeks, to see and feel the warmth of the sun.  I can only look ahead about one day.  I must contend with preparing my Dad's home for my mother's return from the nursing home, Easter, our anniversary in April, my high school daughter's graduation and party in June, my daughter's wedding in August, and trying to make a decision about camping this summer.

Days Off!

After opening the store nine days straight, I had 1 1/2 days off.  I worked Sunday and Monday, and now I have two days off.  Two days to regroup.  I am putting nothing on my plate except a visit to the nursing home.  I plan to sleep, read, train on Wednesday evening, chat with friends online.   I can't believe what my life has become.  Oh, wait a minute, yes I can!  Work, chores, nursing home visits, a run to a caregiver seminar, and when I get the chance, the opportunity to train in hapkido.  I need to go to the dojang and use up this excess energy.  How am I doing you may ask, with balancing all the different facets of my life?  Work is fine, certainly don't spend as much time with my husband and daughter as I should, but then for the first time in a long time, I cooked dinner.  I had a good training session the other night.  I remembered most of my forms.  It is bad though, that I can hardly think two days ahead, let alone about graduation, a party and a wedding.

Spring Tulips

The sun warmed my arm as it shone on the sleeve of my sweater...a sure sign that spring is around the corner.

What is my purpose?

Every now and again, I enjoy introspecting.  Today I came across the question, "Why I am I here?  What is my purpose?"  I can't answer this question.  Was it the time I was sitting in the parking lot of a bank and noticed the little car next to me start to roll down the hill?  So I hopped out and held the car in place, until the driver came out.  It saved the car from crashing into the cars below.  I don't identify myself as daughter, wife, mother, sales associate, martial artist.  All these can change in a moment's time.  I remember the old Baltimore Catechism question, Why did God make me?  To know Him, love Him, serve Him , so that we could be happy in this world and the next.  Maybe not exact, but close enough.  So I'm right back where I started.

1991 Sebring Convertible

Shepherd Me, O God by Marty Haugen

Refrain:

Shepherd me, O God, beyond my wants
beyond my needs, from death into life.

God is my shepherd, so nothing shall I want
I rest in the meadows of faithfulness and love.
I walk by the quiet waters of peace.

Gently you raise me and heal my weary soul.
You lead me by pathways of righteousness and truth.
My spirit shall sing the music of your Name.

Though I shall wander the valley of death.
I fear no evil for you are at my side.
Your rod and staff, my comfort and my hope.

You have set me a banquet of love in the face of hatred.
crowning me with love beyond my pow'r to hold.

Surely your kindness and mercy follow me all the days of my life.
I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forevermore.

Corsages and Boutonnieres

On Saturday, I mind the branch store.  Normally, the city folk don't get up til late, and so I never expect too many people before noon.  I watered the planters and blooming plants, vacuumed the carpet, swept the floor.  Later, I restocked arrangements and cut flowers.  Since it is nearing spring (hurray!) a church was sponsoring a dance, "High School Prom."  There was also a daddy/daughter dance and godparents day.  A family came in looking for a corsage and boutonniere.  I didn't have any available and they were so disappointed!  I can make a decent boutonnniere and pin-on corsage, but though I've tried, I can't attach the flowers to the wristlet for a wrist corsage.  I practiced and gave the boutonniers to the fathers who were taking their daughters to the dance.  Next time I'm near a designer at the main store, I will take wrist corsage lessons.

I'm not sure that the computer posted the daily totals properly.  It seemed to freeze mid post.  Wonder if the owner can post after the fact.

Throwing shoes into a pile

Yesterday my daughter called for a health status update on her grandmother.  In the course of the conversation, she told me that her friend's  mother, our neighbor, has been diagnosed with leukemia.  It is a common form, but very aggresive, so she is in the hospital for six weeks for daily chemo.  On another sad note, I met the mother of a 5 month old infant who is on life support.  I have never heard of this but her blood was draining into the baby's lungs in utero, and he was drowning.  The baby had a discharge date from the hospital.  It was postponed as he developed pneumonia.  She has five other children, 18, 16, 12, 10 and 2 years old.  This reminds me of the story that if everyone threw their shoes with their problems into a big pile, and had the option to choose different problem shoes,  they would chose to take their own shoes back.
 
My husband, son and I went to the Japanese restaurant.  We sat at a hibachi grill and enjoyed a meal of edemame, clear soup, salad, and fried rice and seafood...hot tea to drink.  It is always amazing to watch the artistry of the chef.

Cleaning the aquarium

We may get some snow this afternoon and tomorrow...4-6 inches.  I put my boots in the car, just in case!  When I get home from the nursing home (my second home), I will do something physical--clean the aquarium and the bathrooms or run around the block (kidding about the running!) Years ago,  I wrote a novella, "Who Will Clean the Aquarium When I'm Gone?"  Changed the title later to "Agateville."   In a nutshell, it is about a woman who leaves her husband and daughter and drives toward the sun.  You have to understand that the woman, Mona, has had enough of them both.  They take terrible advantage of her!  She goes to Agateville, finds an apartment above the hardware store and secures a job reading books on tape.  She makes many new friends.  Of course her husband comes to wine and dine her and in the end she returns home to see 100 yellow ribbons tied around the old oak trees.  I need to find some balance here.  I filled out a perspective juror form last night.  My daughter had gone to the gym and was hoping for a healthy dinner.  She had eaten already by the time I got home, so I had scrambled eggs with hot dog and toast.  I need to spend some time with my husband.  I need to WORK OUT to get rid of some of this pent up energy.  Also have an appointment at the end of March to have a mole on the top of my head analyzed, biopsied and removed.

Family Dynamics

I discovered that all it takes is a family crisis to make an entire family fall apart.  My relationship with my sister has been suffering since November.  I apologized for a misunderstanding and then a week ago, my sister reemed at me for a half hour about the things I did which displeased her.  She came up to the nursing home yesterday and wanted to know if I had talked to my brother because he is blaming my sister for my mother being in hospice.  My mother's prognosis was determined because she failed the rehab tests.  My sister and I are on good terms for the time being.  However, now my brother and sister are having difficulties.

A Timeline

Feb 11, 2013

My mother got up and ate breakfast.  Then my brother, sister, and dad decided to drive her to emergency.  I had suggested a transport, but used the word "ambulance."  My sister negated the idea. My mother attempted to get in the car head first and ended up sitting on the running board.  So they rolled her into the car, facing backwards and drove five minutes to the hospital.  The hospital aides struggled to remove her from the car.  She was admitted to the hospital because of the ulcers on her buttocks.

Feb12, 2013
An asute nurse thought to test her for -diff since my mother was complaining of stomach pain  The test came back positive.  My mother was unresponsive due to the narcotic morphine.

Feb 13, 2013
Doctos decided that she would be transferred to the nursing home tomorrow, Thurs.

Feb 14, 2013
Last night, Mother was given a beta blocker which slowed her heart rate to 29 bpm.  Cardiologist suggested a pacemaker which Dad turned down.  She would never survive surgery and it would serve no useful purpose. No move as the social workers cannot give a prognosis as to whether she is hospice or rehab.

Feb 15, 2013
Meeting with social workers.  Mother could not feed herself or move because of the drug morphine so failed the rehab test, and is given the prognosis, hospice.

Feb 16 and Feb 17, 2013
Social work office is closed for weekend.  Pending move Monday.

Feb 18, 2013
Mother is moved by ambulance to nursing facility.  Dad, brother, sister and I were there.  She was very afraid, repeated "I'm so scared!"  I sat beside her and gradually she calmed down.

Feb 19, 2013
I took a poster and some books and taped them to the wall where she could see them.  I talked to physical and occupational therapists, but since she is hospice, she is not supposed to receive these services.  However, the therapists are meeting with their supervisors, asking for two weeks of rehab therapy.

Feb 20, 2013
Her air mattress arrived today, so she was hoisted out of bed and into her chair.  We sat in the dining room/lounge for a couple hours.  First time she had been out of bed in over a week.

Feb 21, 2013
Brother came to visit.  Again she sat in wheelchair.

Feb 22, 2013
Manicurist cut and filed her fingernails.  Sister came to visit and took her for a long walk in her wheelchair.

Feb 23, 2013
It is Saturday, so no therapy today.  She ate a good lunch, but did not want dinner.  Dad and I  will try to change the prognosis to rehab.  Hope she will understand and cooperate.  Dad is going to test for c-diff too.  He is exhibiting the same symptoms.

Feb 24, 2013
When I arrived at the nursing home, my mother was sleeping.  My dad attributed her sleepiness to her "nerve pill."  She woke up enough to eat.  After dinner, she was very uncomfortable with abdominal pain.  My father discovered that because she is on hospice, she is not receiving an antibiotic for the c-diff.  We talked to an occupational therapist and she told us to terminate hospice services and talk to a social worker about receiving rehab. Need to to this tomorrow.

Feb 25, 2013
Had an illuminating discussion with the nurse.  The c-diff is under control.  My mother had her last antibiotics on Friday.  She believes that the stomach pain is caused by gas.  I believe the back pain is bone spurs or osteo arthritis.

Feb 26, 2013
I arrived early to help my mother with breakfast.  She sat in her wheelchair and I helped her eat  We went to the main lobby to watch the activity in the parking lot.  She is in pain either from her pressure sores, gas in the stomach or bone spurs.  She sat up for six hours and then was helped to bed.  She was in distress, tossing and turning and uncomfortable.  Very hard to figure out a strategy.

Clearing the Air

Yesterday an air mattress arrived for my mother's bed to relieve the pain from the ulcers.  Two CENAs used some kind of device to help her into a wheelchair.  It was her first time out of bed in over a week.  My dad and I pushed her into the dining room.   It was her initial visit so she looked around, played a game from afar.  I brushed her hair and read her a story.

If only there was a way to keep her comfortable and pain free without making her sleepy.  Baby steps.  Our goals are for her to sit in her wheelchair for a couple hours every day and to feed herself.

My dad called me and while we were talking, my sister rang through.  I returned the call and received an earful for 30 minutes.  I had been expecting some kind of call as I knew the pressure between us was building.  She is resentful that I never made it up to the hospital until Sunday...six days after my mother had been admitted.  She said that she has just gone through hospice with her mother in law, and does not want to do it again.  She told me that I had said I would take care of this situation with my mother and dad, and she wants me to take care of my dad.   She cannot handle more insurance issues and my dad's confusion with them.  She is a martial arts instructor and has to deal with misbehaving students and difficult parents.  She does not want my father to have false hope about my mother and her recovery.  Perhaps a counselor should talk with him.

My dad asked me not to become angry and I didn't.  I listened and let her vent.  I am glad that we, in actuality she, had the opportunity to talk.

I believe the prognosis is wrong but I can understand how it would have been impossible to determine the correct one.  My mother was on morphine and failed both tests for rehab...moving her legs and feeding herself.  I was honestly surprised to see her green eyes wide awake and looking at me last Monday.  As with any illness, there are good days and bad days.  The stroke induced dementia will still be present.  However, I would hope that my mother could sit in her wheelchair, converse, interact, listen to stories, and transition from chair to restroom with the aid of her walker.

Wrong Classification

After spending two days with my mother, I firmly believe that her classification should be "rehab" and not "hospice."  Yes, she is very ill with c-diff and in incredible pain from this horrible illness.  Her stomach and back hurt, she has ulcers on her buttocks, her left knee is paining her.  However, if nothing goes terribly awry, she will be better in two months.  The nurse told me today that she is "acute."  So physical therapy will be bedside for a while.  We have to put off sitting in a wheelchair or mobility exercises for a time.

I found a poster of a colorful Dalmation puppy and taped it to her closet door.  We looked at picture books and I surmise I bored her to death with photos on my tablet.  She ate well...mechanical soft (ground) chicken, potatoes, spinach and spiced apples.  She told me she was afraid that I would not come back and that she loved me.  And, Mother, I love you too.

Comforts

I can't begin to tell you how this blog comforts me.  When I am helpless and unable to do anything, I can write, I can be in control.  It is my day off and so I slept in.  I am trying to recover from the long work week.  I chose to stay home while the garage
door company refits our garage door, to the tune of six hundred forty dollars or so.   I will go visit my mother later this afternoon.  It will give the therapists, doctors, nurses and aides the opportunity to work with her to make her better.  I called the therapist to ask about appropriate clothing for my mother.  She told me to wait and see, that for now a hospital gown is okay, later she can wear the clothes she wore at home, pull on slacks and blouse.  I need to check the guidelines for room decorations.  It is a semi private room and my mother's room mate has taken over with her cards and plants.  However she is very sweet and offered to move some of them.  I will check to see if we can adhere a poster to the closet door or the wall.  One of the sites I visited, suggested making an "all about me" book.

My mother was one of 10 children. When she was 16 years old, she moved about 250 miles from her birth town to live with her sister.  My dad was her sister's friend and it was through her sister that she met my dad.  I guess they were driving somewhere and my dad told her sister, "I don't want to sit next to her!"  (He was shy!).  They were married in her hometown  65 years ago.  My mother worked as a switchboard operator at "The Bell" and at the bank and also as a desk clerk at an inn.  In her free time, she was a Girl Scout Leader for my troop, she drove my brother to baseball games and my sister to ballet.  She was at peace in the yard weeding her rose bushes and her hedge.  She spent many hours playing pinochle, bridge and euchre.  At Christmas time, she would bake 20 fruit cakes to give as gifts.  She never missed a year traveling to Florida or up north, riding in the truck which pulled the "condo on wheels" (30' travel trailer).  On Labor Day, pedestrians are allowed to walk from the northern side of the Mackinac Bridge to the south.  She would drive my dad across the bridge so that he could do the walk.  This past summer, we camped, going to the Shrine in the Woods and to dinner at Papa Lou's in Petoskey.   She would hop in her wheelchair and we would tool around the park and she would read the names on the trailers and 5th wheels, "Winnebago, Palomino, Starcraft, Cobra, Tioga."  She would build a roaring campfire and tell us, "I used ONE match!"  My mother could hold long conversations.  I'd be chatting with my mother for so long that my husband's mother would call the operator to check the line!  She and my dad are founding members of their church parish, and she is a powerful prayer warrior.  She has three children, thirteen grand children and six great grandchildren.

Perceptions

My work friend suggested that I call the nursing facility to find out if my mother had been transferred yet from the hospital.  I discovered that my father was in admissions filling out paper work and that the unit was waiting the arrival of my mother.  I got to the home in time to see the ambulance pull in.  The next few hours were confusing--trying to comfort my mother who repeated, "I'm so scared!" every minute or so.  She told me to tell her not to be scared, and so I did.  Physical therapists, nurses, hospice nurses, aides...lots of people to meet.  I had to find the call button, wipes, pantry, learn the codes to open the doors. 

This afternoon I would turn to see my mother's bright eyes looking at me.  I was perhaps 12 inches away from her.  She would comment on the people traveling up and down the hall.  We looked at pictures in a book about radio.  She knew some of the artists.  I helped her eat a a bit of dinner.
My wish for my mother is pain management so that she can regain some mobility, that she would be able to transfer from bed to wheelchair or even with the aid of a walker use the restroom.   I want her to be able to sit up and feed herself.   I would hope that she would converse with people that interest her.  So I will step back and let the people do their work.  Time will tell but I do not see a woman much different from the one that I visited two weeks ago.  She is still interested in the things around her, wants to get better.  I do not see a woman lying on a bed, waiting to die.

A Visit with my mother

It was so cold this morning as I drove to church.  Someone said the temperature was 8 degrees Farenheit!  It was cold to the bone!  After church, I visited my mother.  I was initially surprised at the quietness of her room--no beeping monitors.  When my husband is in the hospital, the monitors beep away.  I helped her eat breakfast and asked the nurse for some pain medicine for her knee.  I suspect lying in bed and the contorted position of her leg is causing her pain.  I stayed until  I had to leave to open the store.  I  kept busy with customers and clean up...50 or so vases to wash.  It's good to have something to do.  It keeps my thoughts at bay.  My dad stopped by to tell me he had visited the nursing facility.  He looks tired, so I am glad I get off early afternoon tomorrow and finally, after the long Valentine week, have two days off.   I can visit with my mother so that my dad can have some time for himself.   And then a bit of pampering for me--hair dyed and cut, brows, mustache, chin hair waxed.  The sun was out and it was a fine day for a drive.    I was careful with my comments as my sister and my hairdresser are best friends.  So at first it was amusing to see how we avoided the elephant in the room.  Finally she initiated the conversation with "I'm sorry you're mother is in the hospital."    That is not what the sorrow is about.  The sorry is that a couple that has been together 65 years is now separated, my mother is in hospice care, my dad looks like he's aged 10 years in a week.  She also went on to say how my father can't take care of my mother any more.  Interesting, because this is not the issue.  The issue is pain management which we cannot seem to manage, but then again, neither can the hospital.    My father has said several times that he doesn't want her sleeping all the time, and the morphine knocks her out.  However he did say that they were trying a pain patch on her knee.

Hospice

Good to be writing again after working 75 hours this Valentine week.  Noticed today that I was walking tipsy--probably dehydrated, so am trying to drink water.  I was talking to my daughter when I heard my other daughter crying like her heart was broken.  I thought someone died.  Turns out her boyfriend broke up with her.  So I have been reading on teen break-ups and what to do.  I talked to my dad for nearly an hour.  My mother has been categorized "hospice" and will be moved to the skilled care nursing home on Monday.  Tomorrow I will go to church and then to the hospital to help her with breakfast.

In the hospital

My mother is in the hospital and has had some tests to try to determine the cause of her pain.  Nothing has shown up in either her blood work or the scan.  She is on morphine to keep her comfortable.    I am not communicating well with my sister and a conversation with my father is difficult too.  I have had no problem with my brother because he is smart enough to refrain from putting in his two cents.  My husband is a good listener.

I will call the skilled nursing facility to check on the admission process for when my mother is discharged from the hospital.    Perhaps go to work a bit late, so I can make the calls.

A very busy week at the flower shop.  Long hours today and tomorrow.  We begin work at 8am and stay til the work is finished--could be midnight both days.  And Valentine's Day is very busy with constant last minute shoppers.  

I trained in martial arts yesterday.  I had worked 11 hours and needed  to expend some energy.  I also wanted to separate myself from the situation with my mother.    My sister called me while I was at class wanting to know where I was and to tell me to make arrangements with the nursing home.

I don't know when I can visit with my mother. Maybe steal an hour and go up to the hospital or wait until later in the week.  What point is there in going, if she is knocked out from drugs?  Her life has become a nightmare.  She is immobile, can't do anything for herself, and on morphine.  However, just two days ago, I went to the house and we laughed.  If this is her life, then I pray for release from her suffering.

Missed the boat, so to speak

I liken the flower shop to a huge cruise ship the week before Valentine's Day.  It departed port at 8am today and will dock at 7pm on Thursday.  Trouble was I wasn't aboard and am stuck on the pier.  I went to church and had this vague feeling that I was supposed to work at 9am.  But I talked myself out of that, saying only the designers had to work at 8.  So I was happily working around the house--folding clothes, unloading and loading the dishwasher--when I got a call from my son wanting to know if everything was okay.  Long story short...it was 10:30 and I was supposed to be in at 8am!  Now the store itself is only open from 11am-3pm.  So I got to work, irritated as could be  Even more  irritated that the display cooler was a disaster and my boss saying, "I told them to leave it when they asked."  Empty vases, dirty water the whole nine yards.  I priced and lugged buckets of roses and mixed bouquets from the garage to the front.  Had to reprice the rose dozens because I had priced them incorrectly.  One of our helpers was vacuuming and knocked against a round tiered glass display shelf.  The plastic supports broke and candy, candles and bears fell all over.  Repairing the shelves was a job for the owners.  One of the owners said that for a minute she thought I had found an incorrect price because I was running with a price sheet into the office.  And then one of our new people misunderstood an order and we had to hurry-scurry to correct it once the customer came in.  Only  4 more days and V-Day 2013 will be over.

Sunshine on my day off

So nice to sleep in this morning.  Once up and about, I drove to the dollar store and the flower shop.  I bought some sweetly scented pink and white roses for my mother  from my father.  Dad and I made soup--ground beef, veggies, tomato sauce, macaroni and a bunch of seasonings.  I met and chatted with my mother's aide for a while.  Rather amused because she wanted to know which large photo on the wall was me.  I am the dark haired daughter, the eldest.  At home I checked the sidewalks for ice since I had shoveled and salted before I left.  I threw a couple loads in the washer and vacuumed the carpet, and now I am relaxing.

My father said before I left.  "You know what I need.  I need help." And so we will try to figure this out.

Day off tomorrow!

High winds today, and perhaps this is the reason there was no dial tone on the store phone today.  A couple drove down from up north and a trip that normally takes two hours took  four.  They were on their way to Florida to help her mother put new shingles on her roof.  Twelve inches of snow had fallen and they had trouble seeing the expressway. Another couple drove in from Chicago to watch their daughter's swimming match.  She is a senior at the university.  Someone ordered a dozen red roses for his wife's birthday and at the end of the day, a woman and daughter bought fingerless fur lined gloves.  A father and daughter came in to buy flowers for the little girl's mother.    The president of the company drove over to check out the  phone line, but had to call the phone company.  I am off tomorrow to rest up for the holiday and nine consecutive work days.

I am reading a book about a young woman who is trying to survive the harsh Alaskan winter.  She is on a small island in the river.   She hopes to escape the island once the river freezes over.   The ice bridge is almost complete.  However she will have to face wild animals such as wolves.  She imagines that the wolves are friendly and are encouraging her in the struggle to survive.  I am almost finished with the book.  I like survival stories such as this one and Hatchet.

Beautiful Long Stem Roses 'Forever Young'

Blue Sky Haikus

Beautiful blue skies
Warm sunshine on my shoulders
Happy omen rays.

Doing what we need
Facing life's complications
Strength, hope and courage.

Ron is my support
Friend and love thirty eight years.
United by life.

Trying to transform
Ridding myself of badness
A new creation.

Blue Skies

How my heart sings, with the sunshine and the blue skies. An omen, perhaps?  We are waiting until we get back my mother's test results to make a decision for her care.  Once we know the diagnosis, we can decide if we need a skilled nursing facility or if we can manage with additional care at home.  My father told me, "We've been together for 65 years," and told my sister, "If i put her in a home, I'll be lonely."  My sister put the wagon before the horse so to speak, told me to call the agency and set up additional care.  I placed the call and the agency suggested that I check with my dad.  Good thing too, as my dad wants to wait for the diagnosis.  He also plans to find help outside the agency.

My oldest daughter's birthday is today.  I became a mom 33 years ago.  Happy happy birthday, dear daughter

Picnic, Anyone?

Let's see...the third or fourth day of snow flurries.  Guess it will be a few months before we can have a picnic

Am I on my head or heels?

The skilled nursing facility near my parents DOES have room and the admissions director is expediting the process.  My dad is taking my mother for a back x-ray and (if the requisiton is available) a chest x-ray.  She needs the latter for the nursing facility.  He will then wait to hear the results of these and the bloodwork.  I talked to him and he told me that he is not sure that he wants to admit my mother to a facility.  I reminded him that she would get good pain management, that we would visit her, bring her flowers like we do at home and that it was the doctor's recommendation that my mother live in a care facility.   Ultimately  it is his decision, and I will help him whether he decides to admit my mother into skilled nursing or we have nurses come to the house.  The doctor, my sister and brother feel that my mother's condition warrants skilled nursing care

Good news though.  I called my sister.  Of course, I couldn't help but cry.  I'm wearing my emotions on my sleeve.  I apologized and at first she wouldn't budge an inch (don't blame her), told me that I wanted to do everything (not really),  said my brother would be the one to help my father decide.  She also had a good point.  My dad sees life in increments.  He would live to see the new millenium.  He would walk across the Mackinac bridge two dozen times.  My mother would live at home until Easter 2013.  I've done all that I can do.

Can't Sleep

More than the crisis with my mother, this problem with my sister is breaking my heart.  I wrote her an apology and am sending it out today.  I did try calling (no answer) and also tried to talk to her before hapkido, but except for a couple words, she ignored me and went about her business, so I didn't have the opportunity.  Maybe I can talk to her today.

The skilled nursing home I visited last Tuesday, is $365 daily.  And since we are caught in limbo land between rehab and hospice, insurance will not cover it.  The 2nd nursing home had a bed available a couple days ago...$9000 month.  And I couldn't get ahold of the 3rd one, sounded like their fax was on, so I will call in a few hours, or drive over if I can't reach someone.  My father would prefer this last nursing home as it is close to his home.  My mother's cries of pain disturb my dad, so I hope we can find a nursing home and admit her by tomorrow.

This is a hellish circle.  Pain meds that cause kidney damage.  My mother is off her water pills because at present she is dehydrated.  The doctor told me that if she were to come off her pills, she would live 6 months.  And so it goes.  My sister knows because less than a year ago, she was in this situation with her mother-in-law.  And so perhaps she is not so much upset with me, as reliving the hell with her husband's mother.

I hope I have work friends at the end of this.  Days off today, tomorrow and Saturday before a busy time at the flower shop.  I am glad as I could see I was edgy and contrary.  I am so preoccupied that I pray several times a day that I don't do something stupid.

I met a man at church who owns a nail salon.  He became close to his God because  he prayed and God healed his back.  So he will well understand my mother's back pain.  I am going to the salon today to ask him if he will come to the house and give my mother a manicure and pedicure.  Not for cosmetic reasons but because the nails are breaking and need cutting.

I noticed on Sunday that my singing voice seemed clearer and that I wasn't coughing as much.  I shoveled the driveway on Saturday, and am surmising that the cool temperatures and exercise cleared up the gunk in my lungs.  I also was able to do jumping jacks and count out loud in hapkido class, whereas before I could  do one or the other but not both at the same time.  I will continue breathing exercises and my campaign to lose weight.  I am so glad the infection is gone.  I was worried that I had permanent lung damage.

Back to Square One

The doctor recommended a skilled nursing facility.  The nursing home that I found does not  feature that level of care.  The doctor listed four possibilities.  None however will accept insurance for care that is long term and not rehabilitative.  So we are stuck in limbo land between rehab and hospice, with the need to get her in a facility where her pain can be managed as soon as possible.  The pain is to be controlled with the same pain reliever that she has been on, a narcotic that makes her sleepy.  The doctor wrote a requisition for a back x-ray, conjecturing that because of the sudden onset of the pain, it could be cancer.  I have a call into the doctor for clarification.  It is nearly impossible to take a bedridden person to an appointment for an x-ray.

Another Nursing Home

My first impression was of a gracious old house...shelves with library books on either side, a grand piano.  I learned later that the lobby is used as a general meeting area, for entertainment and birthday celebrations.  I read the event calendar and noticed Ash Wednesday and Shabat Services.  Also paczki on Fat Tuesday.  And a carpeted staircase to the next floor.   I spoke with the marketing director for a few minutes and then she took me on a tour.  The room  is an unfurnished studio with barrier free bathroom.  My dad can ask the doctor to write a prescription for a hospital bed.  It will help because the head lifts, allowing my mother to get out of bed easier.  We can move my mother's recliner and bedside dinner table.  We could order a new chair for my father.  Take framed pictures of family and friends.  There is a small refrigerator and we can bring in a microwave.  Very much like home.  I wonder, tho, why it is so inexpensive.  Semi private rooms at other nursing homes are $9K-$10K monthly Why is this beautiful home only $6K per month?  Is there something I don't know?  The room is available whenever we can complete the paperwork and the nurse evaluates my mother.

My father complains about my mother's discomfort.  And I feel terrible that I didn't act sooner, make a doctor's appointment when the trouble first started.  It hurts to see them both going through this when it could have been addressed a while ago.  My dad wants to wait and make a decision based on the doctor appointment tomorrow.  He then has to get his finances in order.

I did reach out to my sister and leave her a voicemail about my visit, but we are still estranged.  However, I will see her tomorrow and apologize.   I have not heard from my brother.

My family will handle the rapids

Tomorrow morning, before work, I am visiting a nursing home.  My husband's aunt lived there for a while.  And on Monday, my mother has a doctor appointment.  My father said that the doctor will not be happy with my mother's deteriorating health.  Mobility issues and pain management will necessitate a move out of the house and into a home.  How will the idea of a nursing home be presented?   What steps can be taken to help her adjust?  What kind of support will my father have?  How can we prevent miscommunication?  And if feelings are hurt, how can they be healed?  How can we move her in the snow and wind?  We will need to cope with present issues and others that will arise in the future.

I need to resolve the misunderstanding with my sister.  As a friend commented, I should have called her rather than relying on a text.  Not very bright on my part.  And though we will never see eye to eye, we will always be very different, I need to heal this estrangement.  A higher power is in charge and I am instilled with peace.  I know there are many rapids in the river, but I also know that my family can handle them together.

Choices

Yesterday, I left the house at noon and drove to the nursing facility.  I toured the first wing which housed the memory patients.  It was what I expected...mostly women in wheelchairs off in their own little world.  The residents were finishing lunch.  Christmas trees were still displayed.  The rooms are semi-private, a small narrow hospital bed, dresser.  I can't visualize my mother on this floor.  The other wing was nicer.  The residents were up and about...reading, one was doing a puzzle.  The criteria to live in this unit is to know when to use the call button.

I drove from the nursing home to my parents' house.  When I got there, my mother's aide was just leaving and we chatted for a few minutes.  My mother had no pain medications and because she hurt so badly, she had great difficulty getting out of bed.  Her aide said that it was a bad day.  And the hospice nurse had gotten delayed and wouldn't be there for two hours.  The nurse arrived and my sister motioned for both my dad and me to be quiet.  She did not get a true picture because my mother did not mention that she is a shut-in and has mobility issues.  This information came out at the end.  However, it does not look like hospice can help.  The nurse suggested to make an appointment with the doctor and pain management medications.  Also suggested a hospital bed and a raised dinner tray.

I stayed for awhile after the nurse left and made dinner.  My mother could swallow the soft foods...mashed potatoes, peas and applesauce, whipped chiffon dessert.  However, she could not manage the meat, even though it was soft and tender.  Have to figure out what she can eat.  I will experiment with small curd cottage cheese and crushed pineapple, sugar-free yogurt and pureed bananas, the kind infants eat, and my mother's recipe, Yankee Doodle Soup.

I was not sure that my father could eat this meal.  I was afraid that it would upset his stomach.  I plan to go over to the house today, and will ask him how he feels.  My father enjoyed watching the local and world news.

The first order of business is get the pain under control so that mother is more comfortable.  and to get more help for my father.  He cannot manage any longer.  He has health issues of his own.  We need to weigh the choices and make the best decision for both my mother and dad.

A spring broke in my father's favorite chair.    We decided to move the chair from the den into the living room.  Only thing is that chair has flared arms.  We tried to move it out....wouldn't fit through the door.  My dad took the door off and by lying the chair on its side, and finagling this way and that we managed to get it free.  It looks nice, and it reclines and has a foot rest!

I will go to the store and buy some soft foods and then go to the house to talk with my mother's aide and check on my mother and dad.  I was up early, because lying in bed made my head hurt.

Weather suits my mood

It is raining and quite foggy which suits my mood.  It's as if nature is commiserating with me.  However, I do not want to give in to sarcasm and bitterness.  I do not want to be so objectionable that I isolate myself.

One of the marketing specialists from the nursing homes called me back.  I asked her if she knew my husband's aunt who had resided there for a while.  Not only did she know her, but is good friends with her daughters.  A connection in the sea of uncertainty.
I am going to tour the facility on Friday before work.

Breakfast was comforting, hot oatmeal with apples and cinnamon and steaming coffee.  I have an appointement for a tour today, and then will stop by my parents' house.  I don't know if the hospice nurse will discuss her findings today or write a report.  Surely not with my mother present?  And I want to take my parents a greeting card.

Wrong Turns

My sister cornered me last night and wanted to talk.  I told that I would talk after class but she said that she was going home. Once in her office she told me that my father had said that I was mad at her.  Suggested that I not bother my dad with such feelings, but call her.  She went to visit my mother to assess her condition, and has decided that my mother has several conditions indicating end of life.  So today, the hospice nurse is coming to evaluate my mother.  I don't know what my mother was told about this visitor.  I don't know if she will really care.  And we still need to decide the proper action to take.  24 hour care at home, a move to a facility.  As she says in the children's movie "Emperor's New Groove," "which one?  which one?"

I know that my parents and those I love cannot live forever.  I look at the photos from last summer, and see how quickly circumstances can change.  I am at peace that I have helped my parents as much as possible to date.  And I will continue to enjoy their company until the end.

I am grieving, but cannot go around with tears in my eyes and a sad face.  I have never lost my parents before, so am learning as I go. I probably will make several wrong turns before the crisis is over.

Nose out of joint....

Snow and ice here today.  School closures and delayed flights.  Didn't matter to my daughter as she had no school anyway.  However, she is having a time getting home from visiting her sister.  The flight was delayed and then delayed again.  So when I texted her to ask her ETA she answered back "Never!"  How well I know the feeling.  A four hour delay in Ft. Lauderdale coming back from San Jose.

Got a call from my sister last night, but happy to say did not budge an inch and gave as good as I got.  However, the sister called and got the doctor's number and has arranged for a nurse to come and evaluate my mother tomorrow.  Very kind of her...she will let me know the time.   Received a text at work about the evaluation..  I called several facilities, spoke to one marketing specialist and will tour the place tomorrow.  Left two other messages.

I will not talk to my sister about my mother's care when I am training.  It is upsetting and I can't focus.

My sister upset me so much that I teared up at work in front of my coworkers.  Nice!  As my coworker said to tell my sister, "Since you want to take over this project, I will step back and you can make all the arrangements."  However, she infuriates me and I told my father so.  I noticed she was over at the house, but did not stop by.  My sister is not so concerned about my mother as worried about my father.  And she does not see that when one separates a couple who have been together for 65 years, that both will pay a toll.

My original plan was to talk to various skilled care facilities.  Then with the help of a doctor or nurse prepare my mother and father for the move.  Let them get used to the idea.  Then expedite the move and help both adjust.  Is my nose out of joint?  We discussed this at work and perhaps it is.  But my father cannot say no to his favorite daughter (my sister) and I am the only advocate for my mother.

Sister also said that my brother wants to be in on the decision.

Hospice Care

My dad called this evening concerned about my mother's care  My mother's back has been hurting for the past three weeks, making it difficult to move or eat.  And she is sleeping a lot.  Her doctor has suggested placing her in hospice care.  So the four of us need to decide about a facility.  My brother and I are  supportive of my dad's decision...will help in any way we can.   I would never have foreseen a back problem as the cause of putting my mother in a nursing facility.  I am not the only one with family issues.  A good friend is dealing with his brother's cancer, his son's and wife's illness.  He said that he knows God only gives us as much as we can handle, but that he has reached the top.  And yes, I would say he has.  I jot him a note every day, and hope that some day when he has time, he will read them.

Perspective

On facebook, yesterday I saw a photo of the ferry heading across Lake Huron from St. Ignace to Mackinac Island.  The surface of Lake Huron was covered with ice.  The cold will help the ice form and hopefully next  month, there will be an ice bridge from the island to the city.  Someone will spud the ice to check the thickness.  And if it is thick enough, Christmas trees will be planted to mark the way!  And then the residents can go back and forth on their snowmobiles!  So if you ask a Mackinac Island resident what the coming of the ice brings, he or she will tell you freedom.  Now living it the city, bad driving conditions such as snow or ice, generally mean that I am homebound until the storm abates.

I decided to forego the drive to the river and rather go to a small park near my house to take photos.  The creek that runs through the southeast part of the city goes through the park and it is only a half mile away.   Good thing too, because I got there to take photos and discovered that the SD card was still in the tablet.   So home to get it.  I got a photo from the top of the bridge, and then went down the bank (had a twig in my coat hood) to get a photo of the creek.  The cold seemed to drain the rechargeable batteries after the two shots.