Can't Sleep

More than the crisis with my mother, this problem with my sister is breaking my heart.  I wrote her an apology and am sending it out today.  I did try calling (no answer) and also tried to talk to her before hapkido, but except for a couple words, she ignored me and went about her business, so I didn't have the opportunity.  Maybe I can talk to her today.

The skilled nursing home I visited last Tuesday, is $365 daily.  And since we are caught in limbo land between rehab and hospice, insurance will not cover it.  The 2nd nursing home had a bed available a couple days ago...$9000 month.  And I couldn't get ahold of the 3rd one, sounded like their fax was on, so I will call in a few hours, or drive over if I can't reach someone.  My father would prefer this last nursing home as it is close to his home.  My mother's cries of pain disturb my dad, so I hope we can find a nursing home and admit her by tomorrow.

This is a hellish circle.  Pain meds that cause kidney damage.  My mother is off her water pills because at present she is dehydrated.  The doctor told me that if she were to come off her pills, she would live 6 months.  And so it goes.  My sister knows because less than a year ago, she was in this situation with her mother-in-law.  And so perhaps she is not so much upset with me, as reliving the hell with her husband's mother.

I hope I have work friends at the end of this.  Days off today, tomorrow and Saturday before a busy time at the flower shop.  I am glad as I could see I was edgy and contrary.  I am so preoccupied that I pray several times a day that I don't do something stupid.

I met a man at church who owns a nail salon.  He became close to his God because  he prayed and God healed his back.  So he will well understand my mother's back pain.  I am going to the salon today to ask him if he will come to the house and give my mother a manicure and pedicure.  Not for cosmetic reasons but because the nails are breaking and need cutting.

I noticed on Sunday that my singing voice seemed clearer and that I wasn't coughing as much.  I shoveled the driveway on Saturday, and am surmising that the cool temperatures and exercise cleared up the gunk in my lungs.  I also was able to do jumping jacks and count out loud in hapkido class, whereas before I could  do one or the other but not both at the same time.  I will continue breathing exercises and my campaign to lose weight.  I am so glad the infection is gone.  I was worried that I had permanent lung damage.