Yearning for something

I was reading some old posts from early 2013. My mother was very sick that year with c-diff and a couple bedsores. One post particularily struck me as odd. The text, written 3 years ago, included most of the information that I included in her obituary. I had forgotten that I had written that piece and was shocked by the similarity to her obituary. A friend texted me "How are you doing?" I told her that I am super-sensitive and certain triggers remind me of my mom. She told me, "Be patient. Things will get better." Honestly, it's hard to see how my life will improve. The friend who lives in a group home doesn't converse, she talks about herself. I have to decide whether or not I want to continuue with martial arts. I don't trust certain people to be kind. They always seem frustrated and angry about something. I can't possibly be around them. I'm sure that is why I prefer my dogs, cats and horses. They are there to pet and offer comfort. I seem to be yearning for something and I can't seem to find it, because I can't determine what it is. I keep putting one foot in front of the other. Dad said last night, "We miss mother." Yes, I miss her. Tomorrow we are making ribs and potatoes at my dad's and next Sunday we will grill to celebrate my husband's 71st birthday. His choice. The weather broke a bit, cloudy but no rain. I should be able to walk the dogs. Haven't been able to the last few days, because it rained. I am grateful for my husband and children, my job, my friends and extended family, my pets and my horses, and my faith. (notice, faith is rather an afterthought.)