A Bad Night

I cried a lot last night. I miss my mother. I miss making her dinner on Tuesday afternoons. She enjoyed hamburger with onions, mashed potatoes and green beans. I liked playing scrabble with her and watching 'Wheel of Fortune' and 'Jeopardy' or the news. We would read the sales flyers together and find good deals. We would laugh together and I would kiss her and tell her that I love her. I am still reeling from her illness and death. How quickly she left us. She stopped walking about 2 weeks before her death, but she could still stand probably until a week before her death. And she was semi awake the entire time. On September 2, dad told her he was leaving the hospice center and that he loved her, and she passed away the next morning. A week ago today, we visited with friends and family at the funeral home. Out of the blue, a former friend that I knew 25 years ago left a message on my answering machine. I don't think I have the strength to call her back even though I am curious as to why she is in the area. I have been working through my mother's passing in this online journal and with certain friends. I write and talk to try to make sense of this new normal, a life without my mother, a big hole in my heart.