2018--Year of Loss

My husband stopped into the flower shop today. Since he delivers car parts to the store next door, I thought he came in for a quick visit. I was wrong--he had come in to tell me he had lost his job. After 17 years with the company, he was canned. Management told him that the store was going in a new direction, and effective immediately, he was fired. His friend was fired too, but he drove to a rival parts store and was hired. As I age, I know that my relatives age too. This year we said goodbye to two uncles, a cousin, the husband of a cousin and my 92 year old dad. One day I woke up and my 2 algae eaters and 2 pictus catfish had died. I followed the advice of a young sales associate at the fish store and added a new filter and a water change, killing all the beneficial bacteria that keeps nitrate levels in check. My poor fish. That same day, I shopped at the mall and two other stores and lost my set of keys for the stores. I have lost a warm red mitten that my daughter gave me as a gift. The weight of loss is heavy.

Student crisis?

This afternoon a truant officer with the school came into the flower shop to buy a bouquet for his wife She teaches 4th grade and has some difficult students. He hoped the flowers would cheer her up. I asked why the students were struggling. He answered that some parents do not want to be parents. He also said that students are upset with arguments on the national level. He attributed some of the causes to a death in the family, drug addiction and mental illness. This is a serious and concerning problem. Our youth are our treasures. We need to fix this situation.

Terrible tragedy in Indiana

A small Indiana town is reeling after the death of three siblings and the serious injury of another student at a bus stop. A young woman hit the children as they crossed a rural road to board their bus. A horrible horrible tragedy. My heart is saddened for the family and friends of everyone involved. I have a toddler grandchild. I have read over and over, "have layers and layers of protection for your children." Yes, the bus had red lights, the stop arm was extended, but we are human. We can all make deadly mistakes. We say to ourselves, "I would never pass a school bus with the red lights flashing." or "I would never forget my toddler in the back seat of my car." We are human and given the right circumstances any of us could do something to injure or kill another person. So why didn't these children have layers and layers of protection. Parents had complained that the road was dangerous. It was early morning. The driver was young, the age of my youngest daughter. Why couldn't the stop have been located in a safer place? We need to be protected from ourselves because no one is immune from wrong thinking that can cause harm to others.

My Dad

Last weekend my Dad entered the hospital in respitory failure. He had low blood pressure and a chronic kidney issue. Because of his poor health he felt he should go to a hospice facility. He felt better, decided to continue medical treatment and came home on Monday. His cousin and her husband came to see him on Tuesday. My husband and I cooked dinner and visited with him on Wednesday. After dinner he put on his "ears" to listen to the TV. Very hard to carry on a conversation with his ears on. I'm hoping to take a small vacation at the end of next week. My brother and sister are hoping to take one also. Dad is hoping to live until after our vacations.

Celebrating a life well-lived

My cousin's husband died on Tuesday. He had several heart attacks earlier in the year. We had talked with him in April at my uncle's funeral mass. My husband and I had our baby granddaughter with us and she flipped things on the floor, a toy, her sock and he retrieved them. She dropped a cheerio or two on the church floor. As my husband was cleaning up, my cousin's husband said, "Don't worry. The rats will eat em." Made me laugh. We will get together next week to celebrate his sense of humor, his love of life, a life well-lived. I know when I go on, I want people to celebrate my life as I have had a life full of happiness and joy. My husband and I cooked dinner and visited with my dad yesterday. His energy level was pretty good and we talked and laughed. Each Wednesday visit is a gift since he is 92 years old and has various physical ailments.

May they never be forgotten

Nine people from the same family were lost in the terrible boat tragedy in Missouri. Baby Arya was 1, the same age as my little granddaughter. She and her two brothers, Reece (9) and Evan (7) and their father died. Her grandparents and other family members died also. Her mother and cousin survived. Other victims include a couple celebrating their 45th anniversary, the driver of the vehicle, a retired teacher and his son, a grandmother enjoying a trip with her granddaughter, a couple enjoying a vacation. I am glad to read about them so that they can live on in my heart and never be forgotten. The lives of these men, women and children are to be celebrated for their unique personalities and accomplishments. MY thoughts are with them and their friends and families.

Duck boat tragedy in Missouri

Table Rock Lake in Missouri was calm when the duck boat set off for a trip around the island. Suddenly a storm blew in churning up 5' waves. The boat was swamped and sank. 31 people were aboard, the captain, a driver, adults and children. 14 people are alive although 2 are in critical condiition. Four are missing. 13 died. 13 people were saved from the Thai cave; at least 13 died in a tragic boat accident. My heart is sad. Thinking about the friends and families of those involved in this terrible accident.

Taking control of my acid reflux/GERD

For the past months, I have had waves of pain in my chest and back and esophagitis from acid reflux. When I visited the clinic in April, my PA suggeted an over the counter acid reducer. It works well as long as I watch my diet. I know what I shouldn't eat--tomatoes, citrus, chocolate, spicy foods, drinks with caffiene, fatty foods, So what should I eat? I researched online and came up with a list--apples, melons, bananas, green veggies (broccoli, asparagus, green beans, celery), brown rice, couscous, chicken, turkey, fish, egg whites. Dairy does not seem to bother my esophagus. My niece is my inspiration. She has food sensitivities, so she maintains a gluten free diet. I encourage myself by thinking of my niece. It is so worthwhile to live a painfree life by watching my diet. And if I lose a bit of weight, there will be less pressure on my LES. I need to walk to try to control stress. My dad's health is failing, and my life has been stress-filled which aggravates the esophagitis.

Saman Gunan--A True Hero

Saman Gunan is a true hero. He sacrificed his life so many others could live. His bravery, courage, selflessness will never be forgotten. You deserve much honor, Saman. Rest in peace.

Each visit is a gift

Today we gathered to celebrate my dad's 92nd birthday. We were a large group--my brother, sister, many of the grandchildren and 2 of the great grandchildren. My dad is battling myelodysplastic syndrome and pulmonary edema. He is old and tired and short of breath. After all he is 92 years old. So I was sad. I went to the farm today to work with Dory, the mini horse as a distraction. I must not have attached her crosstie adequately because Dory became lose. Fortunately I was able to corral her.

Happy ending

The Thai soccer team and their coach have been found on Pattaya Beach. Such a happy day! The team is working on a strategy to get the boys out of the cave and reunited with their families. Thank you, thank you to all the people from around the world who stepped forward to search for the boys.

Praying for a miracle

Hoping to hear the good news that rescuers locate the Thai soccer team and their coach on the elevated area of Pattaya Beach inside the cave today. There is always hope until we learn otherwise. Thesse last 8 days have been full of strife and worry. It was the safe rescue of the Chilean miners many years ago that prompted me to write this blog. I'm praying that in the next few days, the world can celebrate the safe recovery of the soccer team and coach and show the boys'joyous reunion with their families.

Thai soccer team and coach

I don't know how I could have missed the news of the 12 Thai boys and their coach trapped in the cave. They have been trapped a week, and I just read about them today. Trapped in the cave by heavy rains that flooded the passageways. I am thinking positive thoughts and praying for the boys and their coach, their friends and families. I am glad that teams from many different countries are assisting the Thai police with the search efforts. And if the rain stops and the water recedes, the boys and their coach will be able to come out safely.

Happy Father's Day!

This is Father's Day weekend. My Dad is going with my brother, sister, their spouses and my brother's friend to a baseball game. They have reserved some seats in a suite and he will be served food and drink. I sent him a card on Thursday. Hope he got it! My husband, son, daughter, her husband and my little granddaughter will have a big breakfast tomorrow at our house. We will visit for a bit. I have to work and it is important that my son-in-law celebrate with his family before they head to his mother's house in the afternoon. I bought my husband a fun card and a hard boiled egg maker--the kind where he cracks the egg into a device, slips the device in water and then boils it. As seen on TV. It should come in handy for egg salad sandwiches and deviled eggs, but is also a joke, because he is always taken with the merchandise "as seen on TV." I hope to drive out to the tri county horse show to see the mini horse competition. Depends if it is still going on after work. Selling merchandise online is stressful. I had to tell one interested party the merchandise was sold and the person made me feel bad. Having trouble with acid reflex so I am trying to eat whole grain, fruit, vegetables, non fat dairy and lean meat. I have been indulging in sugary treats which has caused all kinds of havoc.

Training the Mini Horse Dory

I ride every Tuesday and am hoping to show my school horse, Hope, in a training show in early July. I have performed the same walk and trot test for the past 2 years. This year I am going to show Hope in western dressage, Need to switch things up a bit. I have to learn to canter soon if I am going to show Hope in the canter test next summer. I have to canter for one year before I can test. My teacher has two mini horses. I hope to lease Dory beginning this month. I will train and show her (next year) in the obstacle course, walking over a bridge, and pulling a cart. I have watched a youtube video showing Peggy train her mini Mantra to pull a cart. It is amazing how seamless the training is. My horse obsession is an expensive hobby. My Dad says (when I tell him the cost to lease Dory, "That's not bad. It's a hobby, like golf." I may have to pick up an extra shift or two to pay for this expensive horse hobby of mine. Or have a yard sale.

Empty Nest

Our youngest daughter interviewed with a company in Chicago and was offered a job. Her start date was May 21. A week ago she and I drove to Chicago to find an apartment. We were lucky--a young woman had signed a lease and paid the first month rent. Sadly she lost her job and the apartment went back on the market. I happened to see it, and my daughter was able to fill out an application. Her file was completed the next day and she was approved. I had to hurry-scurry to pack her things in boxes and label them. My husband rented a trailer. My son helped load the trailer and we headed off to Chicago on Saturday. The trailer was extremely heavy and we had to drive slowly, arriving in Chicago about 7pm. We parked in a tow zone with the hazards on and with the help of my oldest son and his partner were able to unload quickly so that we could move the car and trailer. Spent the time until the wee hours of the morning assembling furniture. My husband and I grabbed a couple hours sleep. leaving Chicago at 4am so that I could be at work at 11am. I have been slowly sifting through items, trying to figure out the best way to sell them. Now it's my husband, 2 dogs, 2 cats and 4 fish and me at the house.

Geriatric wellness exam

I went for my annual "geriatric" wellness exam on Tuesday. Because I'm now old enough for medicare, I have old people exams. I planned to tough out the painful esophagus, but my physician's assistant convinced me to take the acid reducer, rantidine. I agreed to take it until May 7. The esophagitis is healing and less painful. I do need to watch my diet and exercise because the ac1 test shows pre-diabetes (low end). I'm on a roll..eye exam next week, mammo in May, colon screening in the fall. I'm hoping that if I'm clear of polyps, the screening can be every 10 years. Fingers crossed. In addition to taking physical inventory, I am trying to ask myself, with regard to my contribution to conversations, I ask myself, "Is it kind?" and "Is it helpful?" If a comment does not meet these criteria, then I am not going to speak. I do not want to offend family or coworkers. Very sad about my relationship with my long-term friend, because I am not comfortable visiting the center where she lives or even visiting with her. During the last visit, I became tense. Maybe I can get her some gel pens and some fill-in books and drop them off with a card.

Need to remain strong

Last week, I woke up with severe esophageal pain. It lasted several days, was painful enough that I searched the web to find remedies for immediate relief. I know the long term remedy--lose weight so that stomach fat does not press on the lower esophageal sphincter, causing acid to rise up the esophagus. I had many symptoms of acid reflux, hoarseness, chronic cough, radiating pain in my chest and upper back. I am on a mission to lose weight, 30 pounds. Even 5 to 10 pounds will help relieve the pressure on the LES. It's a scary thought that stomach acid can change the lining of the lower esopagus, Barrett's syndrome, a precancerous condition that can develop into esophageal cancer. I visited the doctor twenty or so years ago because I was concerned about hoarseness in my voice. He diagnosed acid reflux and for several weeks I took an acid reducer. In the last few months, I've noticed that I've had frequent and painful heartburn. I felt a bit better and regressed with my diet, eating cookies with chocolate middle, popcorn and doritos. Because I know, that the pain could return any moment and that I need a long term solution, not antacid or PPI, I need to remain strong. Wishing all women a happy International Women's Day!

A Place for Everything and Everything In Its Place

Two weeks ago my husband suggested that I try to sell a health rider and bowflex online. I posted photos but to date have had no luck. I posted photos of a white three drawer dresser, a kicking/punching bag, flute, lime green dress, two exercise balls and a chinchilla cage. Someone bought the dresser and the kicking/punching bag. I prefer to sell these items to someone who can use them rather then have them sit unused downstairs. About 23 years ago, I started practicing voluntary simplicity. I believe neatness and order help keep my seasonal affective disorder in check. The less things I have, the more time I have to make memories. My daughter and her husband closed on their house today. I'm hoping that we can move her twin bed and two dressers that a friend gave her for her birthday. She also has a microwave and some other wedding gifts that can be moved to her house. And our youngest daughter will be moving furnishings into her own home soon. So couches, chairs and lamps that are in the garage, and kitchen and bathroom supplies that are in the basement will be used in her apartment. I dream of one of those little houses on wheels. They are so clever, "a place for everything and everything in its place."

Mood lifted

Ever since Saturday, when I felt like I could bite someone (altho there are a couple people I could bite right now), I have been holding my own against seasonal affective disorder. I walked the dogs a couple times in the natural light and on Monday, my mood lightened. I might have to exercise also to increase the seratonin level. Last night we went to a restaurant to celebrate two daughters' birthdays. Our oldest daughter's birthday is early in February but she lives out of state. My dad came with us, enjoyed the meal and the company, but the heavy meal aggravated his stomach and he is resting because he does not feel well. Our youngest daughter has 8 weeks of grad school before graduation. Hoping and praying she can find a good paying job that she will like, not too far away. It will be good for her to be distant from people who undermine her self confidence, question her decisions and criticize. Her fragile psyche does not need this kind of behavior. No one, including me, benefits from criticism. Our youngest married daughter has bought a house, and moving day will be early next month. Hard to move with work and a baby.

Need the sun

My seasonal affective disorder hit me hard today, probably because I haven't seen the sunshine in a few days. My mood caught me by surprise and since I was at work, there was nothing I could do. I couldn't eat at lunchtime because there was no one to take care of the customers. I found out that I won't be working with my friend on Monday. It's better for her, but I will miss her. And I am afraid the colleague I'm working with will be domineering. I will see. So much to do at work that I couldn't finish it all. Three colleagues did not work the past 2 days, so lots of work did not get done. As a way to cope with my SAD, I needed to get outside and walk the dogs, headed out onto the icy sidewalk. I retraced my steps several times when I dropped a mitten or a dog bag. Our puggle who has been dealing with irritable bowel syndrome seemed better tonight. A blessing. The walk helped, cooking shrimp alfredo distracted me. Checked the forecast and sun is forecast for tomorrow, Friday, next Sunday and Monday.

Mind a-whirling

My dog woke me up from a nightmare about David and Louise Turpin--the sick, sick parents who abused their children. I can't make sense of it. Children are innocent and vulnerable, need to be protected and nurtured. I was glad it was a dream but once I was awake, I was awake all night, my mind whirling and whirling. My children had taken Pudgie the dog to the emergency clinic on Saturday. I thought he might have an intestinal blockage. He did not, but the doctor noticed some thickening in the colon wall. Took some xrays and our clinic did an ultrasound, but the photos were inconclusive. I decided to visit a holistic vet who has treated our cats and guinea pig. He said that colon cancer in dogs is rare, suggested that Pudge had irritable bowel symdrome. He wants Pudge to lose some weight and take magnesium and colon treatment. He would have liked Pudge to eat high fiber Royal Canin, but Pudge does not like dry food. I have managed to take the dogs for walks around the school. Really enjoy the company of my 8 month old granddaughter. She can raise her arms above her head and clap her hands. I enjoy time spent with the baby, dogs and my dad. I feel the loss of my mother, my great nephew, my friend who was brain injured in the car accident. My husband suggested that we sell exercise equipment--the bo flex and health rider. Once my daughter decides which pieces of furniture she wants for her apartment, I want to have a sale. Working on a strategy to make it successful. Lent begins on Wednesday. I am going to work on Pope Francis' idea to fast from hurting words, sadness, anger, pessismism, worries, complaints, pressures, bitterness, selfishness, grudges and words.

Samuel and Eli

In this New Year, 2018, I am trying to be a better listener. It's difficult when the conversation is boring. Today at Mass, we heard the story of Samuel and Eli. Samuel, Hannah's son, the son she birthed at an old age, worked at the temple. He had to keep the sanctuary lamp burning. One evening as he slept, he heard a voice call "Samuel! Samuel!" He went running to Eli who told Samuel that he did not call and to go back to sleep. The third time this happened, Eli realized that it was the Lord calling and told Samuel to say, "Speak Lord. Your servant is listening." The priest went on to say that many times we say, "Listen Lord. Your servant is speaking." On the way on Mass I was singing, "We are one body in this one Lord," and the old hymn "We are one in the Spirit...they'll know we are Christians by our love." My priest friend said that the greatest command is to love one another. When we conversed after Mass, he said that today I was led by the Spirit. Initially, I made the resolution to listen better to husband, children, coworkers, parent, customers--a completely secular resolution. After today's reading and subsequent homily,I realize that I need to expand and include listening to the Lord. And to quietly, without fanfare, be helpful, compassionate, generous, empowering.

Can't be a manager of the new store

My daughter's brother in law is living with her little family. This is one of the reasons that she is house hunting. Currently she is living in her husband's family home that was left vacant when her father in law remarried. It is a long drive to work in snowy weather. It is hard to care for the dog when she is working long hours. Her father in law does not want two mortgage payments. I'm praying that the little family will find the right house that they can afford in the perfect location. Our store has merged with another flower shop and I've been busy cleaning and merchandising the new store. The new store is downtown on the first floor of a 160 year old building. Law offices, a salon and a yoga studio are located on the second floor. The businesses use a common restroom and I need to use a key. Trying to maintain a positive attitude and not complain about anything. It was my decision to maintain my days off--a choice that prevented me from becoming the manager of the downtown store. I'm at a branch store 1 1/2 days a week and at the main store 3 days a week, for now. Probably will change after Valentine's Day. My friend wants me to visit her at the rehab center. I am choosing to stay home because I was uncomfortable and tense at the last visit. My friend pushed her wheelchair to the table and another client in a wheelchair blocked her in. Even though the staff told her that they would help her out, she fretted the entire visit about it. Not a pleasant time for me, so I am choosing to distance myself from people and situations that make me tense and uncomfortable. I sent her a pretty card.