Happy Husband

My husband went golfing with a good friend. He keeps 3 different scores--totals, putts and one other. He enjoyed himself so was in a good mood. After golfing, he went grocery shopping. I came home and because I went out on our date the previous evening, the dogs didn't get their walk. After work, I tucked them into their safety harnesses and trekked around the field. I got home and couldn't find my pedometer. I knew that I had halfway around the field so retraced my steps, only to realize that it had most likely fallen off when I took off Pudge's safety harness. Yes, it was indeed behind the couch. My husband laughed because he had hiked back to a previous hole looking for his 7 iron. He found it in his bag under the 6 iron cover. He made hamburgers and we had salad. So I would say doing things does lift his mood. My friend called and was in good spirits because some family had come from the western side of the state and had brought her some Wendy's. And they shared some good conversation. Nice for her her to know that her family cares and that they can laugh together. About my boss, he doesn't know how to fix errors when I balance the drawer incorrectly. It happened because I had a paid out and check and got discombuberated. He caught himself in his rant, "How many times have I told you....!" Well, get the accountant to show you how to fix it. Other people are simply critical and opinionated, and the best course for me is to stay away.

Doing Things With My Husband

Last evening, my husband and I went on a date. We went to the theater and watched Star Trek in 3D. He got a hearing device so he could chuckle at the dialogue. I enjoyed the movie and an activity with my husband. But today, I became annoyed because he had taken my driver license renewal form downstairs to the den. I was rather shrewish when I asked him why he had taken it downstairs. It made no sense to me, but must have seemed logical to him. I also have to renew my car plate and buy a new plate for his car. I will do this, though I don't know the style of plate he wants. And mixed up in my head is the idea that he will rant because I spend money, even though it is on plates. I delegate about 1/3 of my check on flowers for my mother, coffee and bagels, hapkido and riding. The rest of my check, he spends. He finds decision-making difficult. Very frustrating for me because I go to a lot of trouble and then he changes his mind. He says that I can't "go with the flow." But this isn't about complaining about my husband, because he can't help it. It is about learning to relate to my husband in a non-threatening manner. It is virtually impossible to carry on a conversation because there are too many hazards. So perhaps it would be better to let him do the talking, although he is more inclined to put on his earphones and watch TV. So, now I am back to the beginning of this post. I will ask him out on more dates and build a relationship by doing things together. Having a good time, smiling and laughing should lift both our spirits.

Complaining friend and minimalist living

My friend, who lives in the group home, was lamenting that she did not have knee surgery sooner. She was blaming the house facilitator of her former group home. I told her that the former manager did help her with her contaract surgery. I told her that it's best to use her energy on the present and future and to not dwell on the past. Perhaps she'll think about it, but if she continues to complain, I will tell her that I don't want to hear it. She calls every evening, and could not reach me one night because I was helping my parents. She said, "Your mom must be really bad, then." She also wants me to bring her fast food on Wednesday and go to the library book sale and buy her paperbacks, both out of pocket. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm not sure I can visit her because my dad will be coming home that day from visiting his brother, and depending when he arrives, I might have to stay with my mother. I also am going with my husband to straighten out financial aid for our daughter next Wednesday. I gained some weight back, so I have recommitted to healthy food choices. The air conditioner repairmen replaced a contact, so the air conditioner is working. My 90 year old dad drove over and was able to get the pop up trailer door open. I realized, probably 7 or so years ago, that I have everything I need to live comfortably in a pop up. It is a tiny little house, quite suitable for 1 person. The state parks have a 14 day limit. I can imagine myself moving my tiny little house from state park to state park, enjoying minimalist living and nature.

Life problems

Smiling, because life is one problem after another. I searched every nook and cranny in the house for my cell phone. Difficult because it was turned off so I couldn't just ring it and I don't have GPS. I finally realized (a bit late) that it was not in the house. My dad, though he has macular degeneration, told me, that he though he saw it on the back seat of the car. So I went to the car, put my hands between the back and seat and really searched. And it was while I was in the back seat that I noticed my phone upside down under the front passenger seat. Thank you, St. Anthony! We had driven to a couple phone stores yesterday, and at the last one, when the phone I chose was out of stock, I decided that I was not supposed to buy a phone at that time. It was a sign. Also, on the way home from my riding lesson, my riding helmet rolled to almost the exact spot where I would find my phone. So there were clues. Moving on, the door of the pop up camper will not unlock. Seems like a broken internal mechanism. I am glad my husband noticed the problem prior to our camping trip in September. The camper was in for repairs for almost two months, and now we can't get in it! We need to go straighten out my daughter's financial aid and then there is the problem of more help with my mother. My dad needs help from 6-10 pm. And the air conditioner repair people have just arrived because the air conditioner won't turn on!

Harmony

My sister invited me to a concert at her church by the choral group, Measure to Measure. The group consists of 88 male singers. I invited my husband, mother and dad. My husband picked up my parents, then came to work to get me and we drove together 23 miles to my sister's church. The first half of the concert consisted of folk and patriotic songs. Nice articulation, tone and harmony. There was a brief intermission and we had refreshements in the gathering space. Wine, water, crackers and cheese, fruit, bite size muffins. The air conditioner was on and my 88 year old mother became cold and was shivering. I asked the hostess if she had a blanket and she did! Members of the parish knit blankets for the elderly and the sick. My dad believes mother got tired because she commented on the length of the ride back. It was a fun date night--if you don't mind that we were chaperoned by three family members and that I was sitting in the seat in front of my husband! I can't find my cell phone. I had it at the concert. I drove out to the church but it was not in the lost and found. It's possible it is in the office, but the office is closed until tomorrow. I returned the two blankets (mother has blankets at home, next time I will put some in the car) and wrote a check as a donation for the wonderful hospitality and harmonious music.

Need to learn new habits

I am working on keeping my voice free of exasperation. It happens with my husband a lot. Though I am in a much better place with him than I was almost two years ago, I forget. Better because I thought he was forgetting on purpose and I was resentful. I am hoping that speaking in a calm, clear way will help him understand. Bad habits are ingrained and it will take a while to replace those with good ones. This is true of my dad also. I forgot that he couldn't see the doctor's report and so I sounded impatient. I don't have this problem with my mother because I am used to her processing issues. I am protective of my friend because she is mentally challenged, mentally ill, and physically handicapped, so am extremely patient. I am not used to my husband's or my dad's new health issues. I want to be reaffirming, supportive and helpful. I find it helps to laugh and not take life too seriously.

Led by the Spirit

My aunt and uncle live four hours away in an assisted living facility. Yesterday my cousins drove them to my uncle's funeral so they were able to visit with my parents. My mother hadn't seen her sister, who has dementia,in a year. I understand that my aunt and uncle sit in their room, refusing to participate in any of the activiites or even play cards with other residents. It seems to me that my cousins don't respect their parents or even know how to deal with the nuances of dementia. I sent a card to my aunt, hoping it will give a bit of sunshine to her day. There are so many things that can go wrong. Will it be forwarded to her because I don't know her apartment number? Though written with love, is the wording too simple? Will the note cause problems? My friend called last evening and she wasn't coherent. She lives in a group home so I called her and asked if it was permissable to bring her some McDonald's. I drove to her home, and we ate lunch together. We played Dominos and Crazy Eights. She remembered that she and her dad played Crazy Eights when he was alive. Thinking of her dad made her smile. Not sure what to think of the group home. I had to scoot because I told my dad that I would take my mother on an adventure to the store. When I got to my parents' home, my dad had remembered, so I was glad I went over. Mother and I walked around looking at the flowers in the garden section. We chose a card and sent it off to my aunt. Her name is Rosie and the card has a rose on the front. I got a call from my dad and I had accidently tucked his wallet in my purse, because wouldn't you know, his wallet and mine look alike. My husband took it back, couldn't understand how it happened. As if he has never made a mistake. My sister invited me to go with her to her church parish festival on Friday. We are going to listen to a 88 member chorale sing patriotic songs. I am glad she reached out because our relationship has been cool lately. It probably has nothing to do with me but with something going on with my sister. My dad got the results of his bloodwork back. Low iron, hemocrit, hemoglobin. He was lamenting that the doctor didn't tell him what to do, and I forgot that he couldn't see, got exasperated. She wants him to call, might suggest IV iron.

A Peaceful Heart

I think only babies look out at the world with bright, curious eyes. Eyes that have not seen injustice, tragedy, illness, death... My eyes are sad because I have seen police officers killed by snipers in Dallas, sniper fire killing young men and women at Pulse, planes plummeting into the desert, a young boy drowning enroute to Greece from Syria, a young singer losing her life to cancer and leaving behind a 2 year old and a husband, a friend with mental illness forced to live in a group home. Each sad event makes my heart heavy and makes my eyes weary. Lately, thought, I have noticed a peacefulness in my heart. And when my heart is peaceful, I can contend much better with life's challenges. I have more patience with my 70 year old husband and his forgetfulness, my elderly parents and their issues and my self centered sister. I can set a goal and work toward it. I am most grateful for a cloak of peace that allows me to face life challenges with hope, wisdom, dignity and grace.

A Day at the Zoo

My daughter, visiting from Maryland, invited me to go see the Penguin House at the Detroit Zoo. I knew my husband wanted to see the Penguin House also, so asked him if he wanted to take a vacation day from work and go with us. I had scheduled a vet visit for the dogs, so my husband and I took the dogs to their appointment. The puggle is overweight--happepned when we were trying to fatten up our labrador beagle. He also needs a teeth cleaning. After the appointment, we drove to the zoo. Penguins waddle and hop around, hesitate and then hop into the water. To go down to the lower observatory, we walked several ramps. Videos surrounding the "ship" made the ocean waves huge and dynamic. In the lower level, penguins swam and played overhead. We walked out of the Penguin house and watched 3 camels walk over to a desert mound. A little deer was curled up there and a camel touched it with a hoof as if to say, "move it!" We went into the reptile house and peered into displays looking for snakes. I enjoyed the busy ness of the prairie dogs and the antics of the wolverine. We went into a butterly house and an aviary. The sky was overcast. so even though it was warm, the sun did not beat down on us. I celebrated the day with a chili dog and some dippin dots. Schefflera, pothos, palms in the exhibits make the habitats animal friendly and comfortable. Somehow, I remember the Detroit zoo as desolate and hot, but it must have been my perception back many years ago because the exhibits are nicely done and the animals busy, except for the lions who were catnapping.