An Emotional Disaster

Since Wednesday, I have been in turmoil, trying to decide if I want to continue training in hoi jeon moo sool and riding. I was very emotional after last Wednesday's class. My instructor has deferred to another instructor, and he is a tough taskmaster and hard to understand. We do kicking drills for one hour, and I do not do kicking techniques well. On that particular day, no one welcomed to the class, the majority of the students were male black belts and the techniques were difficult. By the time, we separated to practice hoi jeon moo sool, I was an emotional wreck which meant I could not perform the techniques. My instructor berated me. I left the floor after we bowed out, only to discover that the hoi jeon moo class had continued. The other master reprimanded me because not knowing the class had started, I got ready to go home. I stayed for the class, but mulled over the disaster of a class, trying to decide if I wanted to continue training. I thought it a good idea to talk to my instructor before making a decision. He encouraged me to give the kicking class more time and the other instructor said she would interpret for me. Overall the class went better, and I feel that I can train for a bit before making a decision. My instructor said I can always talk to them. To me that is a given--if I have an issue, I am going to make it known. The decision about hoi jeon moo sool spilled over into my riding class. I haven't been to the stable for a riding lesson in three weeks, and the unpredictability of my horse, Tamara, has amplified in my mind. So, I seriously considered canceling my riding lessons also, along with discontinuing the hoi jeon moo sool. However, after last evening, when the adrenaline level was lower, the techniques more understandable, and feeling connected, I came home in a more peaceful mood. I really do enjoy driving to the stable and spending time with my riding instructor and my horse. I continue to count calories and carbs, and so far I have lost 16 lbs. Basically eating vegetables and lean meat or fish, with some fruit and dairy. If I want a dessert, I have lemon tea and a cinnamon graham cracker. Yes, I slip up and eat tostitos or small candies, but generally, I adhere to the life style. I'm half-way to my goal. Another 13-17 lbs, and I will weigh between 124 and 128 which will put me at a normal BMI. My instructor says to increase the intensity of my exercise. I have never put much intensity into a workout.