"Thank you for singing so courageously!"

Early this morning, I awoke to the tune "Worn Out." I had set the alarm so that I could attend the 7am church service. There are not many people out and about in the darkness of the early morning. I can sit and ponder my own thoughts or sit in peace without any thoughts at all. The service is familiar and includes much singing. We began by singing, "All Creatures of our God and King!" I must say that so early in the morning my voice is raspy, probably too much sleeping. But about halfway through the service, my voice came into its own. I was gathering my things to leave when the woman behind me asked how my parents are doing. It seems that she used to sit behind them in church. Shortly after, the presider came and shook her hand and then shook my hand and said, "I just want to thank you for singing so courageously!" It warmed my heart. Perhaps the raspiness of my voice was offset by my enthusiasm and love of music!

An Emotional Disaster

Since Wednesday, I have been in turmoil, trying to decide if I want to continue training in hoi jeon moo sool and riding. I was very emotional after last Wednesday's class. My instructor has deferred to another instructor, and he is a tough taskmaster and hard to understand. We do kicking drills for one hour, and I do not do kicking techniques well. On that particular day, no one welcomed to the class, the majority of the students were male black belts and the techniques were difficult. By the time, we separated to practice hoi jeon moo sool, I was an emotional wreck which meant I could not perform the techniques. My instructor berated me. I left the floor after we bowed out, only to discover that the hoi jeon moo class had continued. The other master reprimanded me because not knowing the class had started, I got ready to go home. I stayed for the class, but mulled over the disaster of a class, trying to decide if I wanted to continue training. I thought it a good idea to talk to my instructor before making a decision. He encouraged me to give the kicking class more time and the other instructor said she would interpret for me. Overall the class went better, and I feel that I can train for a bit before making a decision. My instructor said I can always talk to them. To me that is a given--if I have an issue, I am going to make it known. The decision about hoi jeon moo sool spilled over into my riding class. I haven't been to the stable for a riding lesson in three weeks, and the unpredictability of my horse, Tamara, has amplified in my mind. So, I seriously considered canceling my riding lessons also, along with discontinuing the hoi jeon moo sool. However, after last evening, when the adrenaline level was lower, the techniques more understandable, and feeling connected, I came home in a more peaceful mood. I really do enjoy driving to the stable and spending time with my riding instructor and my horse. I continue to count calories and carbs, and so far I have lost 16 lbs. Basically eating vegetables and lean meat or fish, with some fruit and dairy. If I want a dessert, I have lemon tea and a cinnamon graham cracker. Yes, I slip up and eat tostitos or small candies, but generally, I adhere to the life style. I'm half-way to my goal. Another 13-17 lbs, and I will weigh between 124 and 128 which will put me at a normal BMI. My instructor says to increase the intensity of my exercise. I have never put much intensity into a workout.

Finally!

I have been for a physical, bone scan, mammogram and finally today, I had a dentist appointment. I do not have to go anywhere medical for six months! Happy smile! It happens that my dental hygienist is counting carbs too--no bread, pasta, rice, cookies, candy, hehe. Sound familiar? The last few weeks have been easier. I am not as depressed about my restrictive diet. I am not hungry because my sugar level is staying stable. I am appreciating the taste, texture and colors of food more. A good thing. I walk the dogs every day, and when I can, I increase my walking to 10,000 steps. Our route takes us past the pizza shop and the fried chicken restaurant. I inhale and enjoy the aromas and imagine how the food tastes. Then I come home and make lentil soup and a crisp salad of mustard, kale and spinach! :)

My day off

The branch manager took her last vacation of the year, so I worked for her, at the stores 11 days straight. So my boss gave me the day off! I had hoped to sleep in, but the cord to my tablet was not plugged in. Around 4am, I woke to the low battery chirp of the device. I plugged the computer in, let the dog out, and then lay down only to be thinking, thinking, thinking of incidents from 10 years prior! Water under the bridge! I got up at 6am, got ready for the day, and then realized that everything was just too much, so took a nap from 8am-11am. I didn't feel too well when I awoke, but eventually I vacuumed the carpet, and took the two dogs about the city. Maui chased after squirrels, and Pudge sniffed every good scent for blocks. At home, I gave the dogs a bath, changed the pine bedding in Jeffrey's rabbit cage. Made a mustard, spinach, kale salad and burger for lunch. My instructor canceled my riding lesson for tomorrow, and I have an appointment the week after, so can't ride until the 21st. The clouds came in hiding the sun, but I feel blessed to have three days off with my only commitment my hoi jeon mool sool classes.

Encouraging myself

I am making progress on my carb, calorie, calcium counting diet. To date I have lost 12 lbs, and would like to lose 18 more, at a weight of 128. I will then be in a normal weight category on the BMI index. I do not seem to be hungry and my moods have stabilized. I did some research today and discovered that green leafy vegetables, oranges and fatty fish can fight depression and keep me happy. Other things can too such as saffron and St John's Wort. I won't bother with those. So I am making some progress on my life-style changes. My doctor wants me to go for a glucose test in February, but I am considering using my mother's glucose meter to get a reading sooner. I give myself a pep talk. "I don't want to take diabetes meds. My moods don't swing. I'm fortunate to have a conscientious doctor. I am blessed. Enjoy walking the dogs around the city or the school. Kale, orange and sunflower seeds and microwaveable egg whites in a mug are treats to savor. Be happy!"

Fall

As much as I refuse to acknowledge it, October begins today and the leaves on the trees are turning and falling. A constant battle to keep the deck swept so that humans, dogs, and cats do not track leaves into the house! On the carb, calorie, calcium count, it's "same old, same old." I began on August 20, took a slight break while we were up north, and then began again...so it's been 41 days or 6 weeks. To date, I have lost 11 pounds, but my BMI is 27.8 or so, still up there. My goal is 128 pounds. Like I wrote in my last post, I am sick to death of eating healthy. Give me a 1 pound box of chocolates. I have been walking 10,000 steps every day and attending the kickfit classes. I've discovered that I love fresh kale with half an orange and sunflower seeds topped with red wine vinegar and olive oil! Pretty and delicious. I am working for the manager of the branch store. She is on vacation and when I am finished, I will work 11 days straight.