"A Depressive Life"

My 86 year old mother has mobility issues, dementia and is hard-of-hearing. She needs personal care assistants and cannot be left alone. About three years ago, my father contacted a home-care agency and procured personal assistants for her. When the two aides are not working, my dad helps my mother. With her hearing issues, my mother refuses to let my dad out of her sight. He told me yesterday that he and my mother have been in a relationship for a long time and that he is not giving up on it now. He said that my mother would not like to be in a home, so he is not going to put her in one. However, what should be my mother and father's golden years, have turned into a "depressive life" for my dad. He is "stuck in a rut." He looks forward to golfing on Mondays with my brother. In August, my husband, daughter, parents and I will head up to the State Park. My daughter drives up with my mother and my father drives up alone. My dad told me that on the drive there and back, he is free all day..free to take his time, enjoy the scenery, stop to eat and rest. In July, my brother and father are going camping...a few days respite from a tough situation. Though my dad will enjoy the time away, my mother will be in a horrible mood when he returns. This week, we will gather together to have a picnic and celebrate my dad's 88th birthday. His commitment and faithfulness to the woman he took as his wife 67 years ago are truly remarkable. To be honest, I am not like him at all. Conscientious and faithful? Yes. But willing to sacrifice all my personal happiness for another? No.

Rest in peace, faithful friend Max

Back in 2004, we went to the Humane Society to look for a dog. The house seemed empty without our dog Bo. Bo had cancer and we had to put her to sleep. My husband was drawn to a labrador beagle named Max. I remember my first look at Max. He was standing squarely in his cage, barking furiously. We took him for a walk to try to discern his character. Somehow I felt he was conning us. And I was right. Max ruled the roost until 2008 when we adopted a puggle, mini dachsund and two cats. The three dogs and I would walk around the field. Max went camping with us every August. He had the distinct arooo rooo rooo of a beagle. His coat shone reddish brown in the sun. Maybe a year or so ago, Max became lame. He limped on his shoulder. We tried joint lubricant on his food to no avail. The limp got worse and he lost his signature bark. I slso suspect he was blind because he rode the walls and managed to get trapped almost everywhere. Last night when he whined and tried to get up to a standing position but failed, we realized it was time. I could think of nothing today at work other than the difficult task of taking Max to the clinic to be put to sleep. I set him in a blanket on the floor in the back, but 2 minutes into the trip he was upside down and terrified. I got out in the middle of traffic to try to make him more comfortable but it didn't help. Once we made it to the vet, I managed to get him out of the car. The techs inserted a catheter so that the doctor could give him two injections. When he came out of the back room, he was lying peacefully on a blanket with a lambs wool covering. All I could see was his head and he looked young. I hugged his head and told him he was a good boy. Rest in peace, Max 2002-2014. Enjoy chasing around with your ears back and your tail wagging!

Not Exactly as Planned

Today I had a riding lesson. I put Tamara through her paces, walk, trot, canter, and learned to turn by rotating my shoulder and pressing with my leg. I dismounted without falling. So..I felt pretty good about the lesson! I curried Tamara, gave her cut carrots, apples and cookies and then my instructor asked me to put Tamara in the pasture. I confidently led the horse into the pasture, wondering how to put the horse in and secure the eight-foot gate at the same time. I led her in as I watched the gate swing open, and then removed her halter. I thought she would wander off to eat hay, as eating is her favorite activity. I was so wrong! Tamara saw the open gate and the opportunity to be free and walked right through the gate. I said "Whoa" and she continued on, even trotting a couple steps as she headed up toward the arena. I secured the gate so Creamer would not escape, and then wandered up to where Tamara was happily chomping on green grass. I tried to put on her halter, but must have put it on upside down or something, as it wasn't right. My instructor's dad came up and said, "Need some help?" I told him I did, and apologized for letting the horse get out. He responded, "Only need to say you're sorry if it's your 60th horse to get out." He told me that it's even worse if two horses get out. We walked toward the pasture and my instructor drove up, surprised to see us. She showed me how to hold the gate open, let Tamara go in on the lead, let the lead out and then have her turn toward me, remove the halter and then chain the gate. Something to work on for sure.

The June Strawberry or Honey Moon

For the first time since 1919, there was a full moon in June. It waxed on my mother's 86th birthday, June 13th. It derives its name from the strawberry season. The next full moon in June will be in 2049. I have been taking 9-question tests on facebook--the kind of thinker I am, the perfect country for me to live in, the 2 words that best describe me, which jewel I am and which house would I like to live in. I try to answer these tests honestly, and amazingly, the description at the end suits me! I am a linquistic thinker, I like to read, write, talk ...and talk some more! My country of choice is Inida since I am a philosopher at heart. I would like to live in a farmhouse and my jewel is my birthstone, the sapphire. The two words that best describe me are "unbelievably sweet" (probably because I enjoy chocolate so much!). Tomorrow we are honoring my husband and children's father with a cookout--steak, potato salad, green salad, strawberries, kiwi, rolls and yellow cake with white frosting for dessert. My daughter and I come home from work a short time before my son has to go to work, but we will be together for a minute anyway. And then on Monday, we are celebrating my Mother's birthday and my dad's special day with a picnic at my parent's home. So lucky!

First lesson--Tamara and me

I am working on proper leg position, which much to my chagrin, I am not practicing here. Leg bent, toes forward, heels down, down, down.

In the country at the stable

The sun shone and a breeze drifted through my car window as I drove to the stable. A perfect day for a riding lesson. At the stable, the gate was across the drive, so I got out opened it and secured it to the post. I drove the car through and then closed the gate--not sure if a horse was grazing on the grass. When I arrive early, I practice hapkido forms. Rather tripped over the large stones, but at least there was enough space to give it my best shot. We led Tamara in from the pasture and I groomed her. Then saddled and bridled her. I rode along the rail for a minute, did a figure eight, and then tried to back her up between two poles lying parallel on the floor of the arena. Not quite like driving a car backward. Definitely need some practice with this technique as I backed her into one side of the poles. My trainer says we will practice more next week and add a turn. I tried two-point, jumping position, and can do well--as long as the horse is standing still! I finished by grooming Tamara and then feeding her chopped carrots, apple and peppermint. We led her back to the pasture to play in the sun with her other equine friends. I feel a connection with my trainer and chatter with her constantly, probably because I am alone at work most of the time, or my husband has on his headphones and can't hear me.

Pentecost

Today, fifty days after Easter, we celebrated Pentecost. The first reading was in Polish, the second in Maltese, and the gospel in a West Indian dialect. Many people wore red, symbolic of the coming of the Holy Spirit. I really don't have anything red, so wore blue and green. After church, I came home ate breakfast and packed a lunch for work. My colleague and I worked on the cooler, refreshing vases and adding flowers. I did dishes (cleaned vases). I also attempted to make a corsage and boutonniere with silk flowers. This was a first...and I told the customer that I would give it my best shot, after a heartfelt prayer. It looked nice and the customer was happy...but would the corsage stand the test of time? I arranged some carnations in a pitcher and three yellow asiatic lilies in a vase to take to my mother. Her 86th birthday is this Friday. I had a wonderful visit with my parents and then came home to do laundry and clean up the kitchen, before putting up my feet and watching the ball game.

Slept In

I am ashamed to say that I slept in til nearly noon! I think my tiredness was a combination of things. I practiced hapkido for hours yesterday. I worked with a partner for an hour and then trained for an hour after practicing all the techniques during the day. Martial arts reminds me of learning a foreign language. As a new student, there is always something that I don't understand or that I can't visualize, that I can't get down. This bothers me with the testing coming up in October because even though I feel that I can perform correctly, what if I'm not looking in the direction of the attack, or moving my head out of the way, or worse yet, not succeeding in an effective technique. So the master said that I should work on making the techniques more fluid and rounded, like a river, to not grab, to be more patient. Last night I worked on chil rang gis, tung chi gis and 13 self defense. Need to work on proper kick position too, getting my hip over. I've learned most of the korean terms. Most of them translate literally except for 5 or so. I will have something to eat and then begin practicing the techniques. It is a beautiful spring day, a perfect day to practice on my driveway although the driveway slants a bit and throws my balance off.

Guests

Last Friday, my daughter drove her friend to the airport to return to Texas. When her friend asked if she could stay with us, we understood the visit to be for one night! She meant for two weeks. Apparently, a few days before her eminent arrival, her plans fell through and she had to hurry scurry to find another place to stay. She was a wonderful guest and welcome to stay any time. The day before she left, our oldest daughter arrived from DC. She had promised her friend that she would run a 5k with her as a birthday gift. So, our daughter was here for six days. My sister, daughter and I had lunch out today. It was a beautiful spring day and we sat on the restaurant patio and enjoyed a long meal. Home for a few hours and then a trip to the airport. So, after 3 weeks, it is once again my husband, 19 year old home from university for the summer, and me!