Video doctor appointment

Today I called the clinic about my husband's cough.  The nurse arranged a video call with a doctor.  The doctor diagnosed the cough as lingering from the flu and prescribed two cough suppressants.  The cough medicine is coming from an online pharmacy.  We are both relieved to know the diagnosis.  Since the beginning of quarantine on March 23, I have been considering purchasing a gaming system.  A gaming system would allow my husband and me to play online games with our children.  I 'm hopeful the games will provide a connection and a distraction.  On Christmas we all played video games as a family and had a great time.  So today I ordered the system and it is scheduled to arrive by Monday.  I am watching videos to learn how to set the system up and how to purchase the games and play online.    I walked my little mini dachsund a few days ago and she broke a front claw.  It was so painful that for the last few days I had to leave her in the backyard while I walked our puggle.   Today she was able to walk with us.

Candle of hope

A gentle rain is falling.  I hear it on the roof and it comforts me after a tough day.  It's day 10 of my husband's illness.  I have been cooking, serving, cleaning, steeping tea and shopping for groceries.  It started with a flu, then a cough and the cough has now become bronchitis.  I am out of patience, not physically tired, just finished with this illness.  Since my children are all quarantined  we set up an Easter zoom meeting, but my husband played with all the tablet buttons throughout the meeting.  And technology is not a substitute for a warm hug from my children and grandchildren.  I am searching for connectedness.  Perhaps playing a video game with my husband, once he gets medicine for his cough, or playing an online game in real time with my son and daughter.  In spite of the quarantine and my husband's cough, he and I celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary with a wonderful meal.  I saw a photo of Pope Francis lying prostrate praying and I think I should do the same.  Knock, knock, knock on Heaven's door praying that the virus will go away, the sick will be healed, the grieving will be comforted.  Our parish priest suggested that I place a candle in the window--a candle of hope.

Quarantined 'til April 30

As expected, the governor announced quarantine until April 30.  She announced other restrictions too.  Also working to discover why Black communities have more COVID cases than the rest of the state.  I'm not even going to conjecture when and in what form that I'll go back to work.  My husband still coughs but he has no breathing difficulties and eats well.  He worries about the economy.  He feels angry and frustrated.  I recognize his feelings but there I little I can say to help him feel differently.  I read an article written by a psychologist and she wrote that there are three responses to the bear--fight, flight and frozen.  I act frozen.  I can't pray, not really.  I can't lose myself in fiction novels (which I love), I lost my momentum to follow online exercise.  I can pray the rosary, holding onto the beads like they're a physical ladder to Heaven, I sing and play music but I cry, I write to express my feelings but tears run down my face and I use my tee to dry them.  I walk the dogs tho yesterday my little mini dachsund broke a claw down to the quick.  So it was a slow walk in the wind and cold.  I hoed my garden and saw sprouts which signify hope.  I clean and cook and play electronic games and every so often chat with someone on my cell.  I devour scientific information about COVID.

Sick husband but don't think it's COVID

Last Thursday, my husband said he didn't feel well.  He had a low fever and cough.  He is eating well.  I have spent the last few days taking care of him.  I make meals, bring him tea with honey and water to try to curb his cough 😷.  On the positive side, he eats well and breathes fine.  I don't think he has COVID.  He might have influenza A or B.  I watch him because he is 75 years old.  I'm not physically exhausted but I am tired of nursing him and bored.  He grumbled at me a couple times yesterday because he is frustrated with the cough.  Tonight I felt pent up but cooking dinner and watering the plants eased the feeling.  I'm sure we will be in quarantine at least 'til April 30 and I am trying to adjust to the new situations as best I can.

Lockdown

Today marks one week in lockdown.  I have been sheltering in place except for a walk with the dogs around the school fields most every day.  I have been grieving the loss of Lenten and Easter services, work at the flower shop and watching my three year old and five month old grandchildren grow up.  I react to trauma with what I call a "deer in the headlights" response.  I am frozen in place.  Like most people dealing with trauma, I have happy stretches of time and windows of time when I feel sadness.  Music is an important part of my life, but I only began to sing again three days ago. This morning I got out my lap dulcimer after not playing for ages.  I had to read how to tune the dulcimer because I had forgotten.  I try to use our food and paper products in the most efficient way possible, that is, absolutely no waste.  I have roasted a turkey, fashioned turkey croquettes, and a Dutch apple pie with graham cracker crust.  The baby wasn't here to eat bananas and they overripened.  I used them to make banana bread.  I have been sorting in the basement.  I talk to my husband and we watch TV and he paints on his tablet and I play word games on my tablet.  I am so grateful for the  company of my animals and for this journal as I cope with completely new and life changing circumstances.

Yin Yoga

On Sunday, I left early to find the yoga studio.  I walked around the mall to pass the time.  I spotted the unit that was formerly our flower shop.  Sadly it is now used as a storage unit for a cafe.  I hadn't been back in 13 years or so.  I chatted with another student and she explained how to sign in on the computer.  I stored my coat in a cubby, changed into my yoga socks and went into the studio.  I was observing while all the other yogis were deep in stretches or meditation.  I did well...knew most of the poses.  Infrared lighting heated the room to 88 degrees.  The instructor did not demonstrate, the instructions were verbal.  I am a visual/verbal learner.  Fortunately, I was familiar with most of the poses.  We sit or lie in yin yoga poses.  At the end, the instructor read a contemplative piece.  I felt calm and relaxed.  I have a gift certificate from my daughter and her husband for three more classes.  I considered taking more classes after I use the certificate but the classes are expensive.  I spend money on riding lessons too.  So last night I bought a restorative yoga book to continue practicing yoga after the money on the gift certificate is gone..

The next step--exercise!

I feel good about the food part of my life change to address acid/GERD.  GERD is such an ugly word!  I prefer fresh meat, fish, fruits and vegetables because they are lower in sodium..  I'd like to bake tomorrow and freeze portions so that I have meals to take to the flower shop..  I appreciate the taste of foods so much more now.  The next step is to organize my exercise program.  The purpose of these lifestyle changes is to feel better.   My daughter and her husband gave me a yoga certificate for Christmas.  Realizing that I would be more likely to attend, I signed up for a class tomorrow  evening.  The days are getting longer and driving north of the city should be easier.  I also enrolled for a trial week of online exercise videos.  I have exercised with these videos before and by enrolling I have more access to them.  Cost per year is $50 at the end of the trial.  The trainer offers a variety of workouts at different levels.  For now I will participate in a workout every day,   take a yoga class on Sunday and ride on Tuesday.  After I use the money on the gift certificate, I am considering online yoga vIdeos.  I might implement a walking program if I can walk fast enough.  I haven't been getting my heart rate high enough for walking to have any benefit.  I am learning what  works by trial and error.