Mood lifted

Ever since Saturday, when I felt like I could bite someone (altho there are a couple people I could bite right now), I have been holding my own against seasonal affective disorder. I walked the dogs a couple times in the natural light and on Monday, my mood lightened. I might have to exercise also to increase the seratonin level. Last night we went to a restaurant to celebrate two daughters' birthdays. Our oldest daughter's birthday is early in February but she lives out of state. My dad came with us, enjoyed the meal and the company, but the heavy meal aggravated his stomach and he is resting because he does not feel well. Our youngest daughter has 8 weeks of grad school before graduation. Hoping and praying she can find a good paying job that she will like, not too far away. It will be good for her to be distant from people who undermine her self confidence, question her decisions and criticize. Her fragile psyche does not need this kind of behavior. No one, including me, benefits from criticism. Our youngest married daughter has bought a house, and moving day will be early next month. Hard to move with work and a baby.

Need the sun

My seasonal affective disorder hit me hard today, probably because I haven't seen the sunshine in a few days. My mood caught me by surprise and since I was at work, there was nothing I could do. I couldn't eat at lunchtime because there was no one to take care of the customers. I found out that I won't be working with my friend on Monday. It's better for her, but I will miss her. And I am afraid the colleague I'm working with will be domineering. I will see. So much to do at work that I couldn't finish it all. Three colleagues did not work the past 2 days, so lots of work did not get done. As a way to cope with my SAD, I needed to get outside and walk the dogs, headed out onto the icy sidewalk. I retraced my steps several times when I dropped a mitten or a dog bag. Our puggle who has been dealing with irritable bowel syndrome seemed better tonight. A blessing. The walk helped, cooking shrimp alfredo distracted me. Checked the forecast and sun is forecast for tomorrow, Friday, next Sunday and Monday.

Mind a-whirling

My dog woke me up from a nightmare about David and Louise Turpin--the sick, sick parents who abused their children. I can't make sense of it. Children are innocent and vulnerable, need to be protected and nurtured. I was glad it was a dream but once I was awake, I was awake all night, my mind whirling and whirling. My children had taken Pudgie the dog to the emergency clinic on Saturday. I thought he might have an intestinal blockage. He did not, but the doctor noticed some thickening in the colon wall. Took some xrays and our clinic did an ultrasound, but the photos were inconclusive. I decided to visit a holistic vet who has treated our cats and guinea pig. He said that colon cancer in dogs is rare, suggested that Pudge had irritable bowel symdrome. He wants Pudge to lose some weight and take magnesium and colon treatment. He would have liked Pudge to eat high fiber Royal Canin, but Pudge does not like dry food. I have managed to take the dogs for walks around the school. Really enjoy the company of my 8 month old granddaughter. She can raise her arms above her head and clap her hands. I enjoy time spent with the baby, dogs and my dad. I feel the loss of my mother, my great nephew, my friend who was brain injured in the car accident. My husband suggested that we sell exercise equipment--the bo flex and health rider. Once my daughter decides which pieces of furniture she wants for her apartment, I want to have a sale. Working on a strategy to make it successful. Lent begins on Wednesday. I am going to work on Pope Francis' idea to fast from hurting words, sadness, anger, pessismism, worries, complaints, pressures, bitterness, selfishness, grudges and words.

Samuel and Eli

In this New Year, 2018, I am trying to be a better listener. It's difficult when the conversation is boring. Today at Mass, we heard the story of Samuel and Eli. Samuel, Hannah's son, the son she birthed at an old age, worked at the temple. He had to keep the sanctuary lamp burning. One evening as he slept, he heard a voice call "Samuel! Samuel!" He went running to Eli who told Samuel that he did not call and to go back to sleep. The third time this happened, Eli realized that it was the Lord calling and told Samuel to say, "Speak Lord. Your servant is listening." The priest went on to say that many times we say, "Listen Lord. Your servant is speaking." On the way on Mass I was singing, "We are one body in this one Lord," and the old hymn "We are one in the Spirit...they'll know we are Christians by our love." My priest friend said that the greatest command is to love one another. When we conversed after Mass, he said that today I was led by the Spirit. Initially, I made the resolution to listen better to husband, children, coworkers, parent, customers--a completely secular resolution. After today's reading and subsequent homily,I realize that I need to expand and include listening to the Lord. And to quietly, without fanfare, be helpful, compassionate, generous, empowering.

Can't be a manager of the new store

My daughter's brother in law is living with her little family. This is one of the reasons that she is house hunting. Currently she is living in her husband's family home that was left vacant when her father in law remarried. It is a long drive to work in snowy weather. It is hard to care for the dog when she is working long hours. Her father in law does not want two mortgage payments. I'm praying that the little family will find the right house that they can afford in the perfect location. Our store has merged with another flower shop and I've been busy cleaning and merchandising the new store. The new store is downtown on the first floor of a 160 year old building. Law offices, a salon and a yoga studio are located on the second floor. The businesses use a common restroom and I need to use a key. Trying to maintain a positive attitude and not complain about anything. It was my decision to maintain my days off--a choice that prevented me from becoming the manager of the downtown store. I'm at a branch store 1 1/2 days a week and at the main store 3 days a week, for now. Probably will change after Valentine's Day. My friend wants me to visit her at the rehab center. I am choosing to stay home because I was uncomfortable and tense at the last visit. My friend pushed her wheelchair to the table and another client in a wheelchair blocked her in. Even though the staff told her that they would help her out, she fretted the entire visit about it. Not a pleasant time for me, so I am choosing to distance myself from people and situations that make me tense and uncomfortable. I sent her a pretty card.

A New Year 2018 Resolution

I have come up with an exciting New Year 2018 Resolution. No resolution of diet and exercise for me! I have been sick with an upper respiratory infection for a week which affects my cognition, hearing among other things. On Christmas Day, my sister was telling me that the bread she gave us needed to be heated in the oven for a few minutes. I didn't hear that she was talking about the bread. When my Dad opened his gift I told him that his hot chocolate needed to be heated in the oven. My sister said, "Oh, my God! That's hot chocolate!" She was imagining my 91 year old dad heating his hot chocolate in the oven! Last night, my husband and I had a difference of opinion about the cause of opoid addiction and circumstances concerning some bonds that I have. I noticed recently in conversations with my children, except my oldest son, that they always defend or support their thoughts or actions. Perhaps I defended my thoughts and actions while they were growing up and they picked up on it. I don't know. However, at my age, I'm entitled to my opinions and definitely don't feel that I have to be defensive. I want them to undertand that there are options, multiple ways to achieve goals, more than one way to be a good parent. I hope that they would be progressive thinkers, non judgemental and full of love for all, especially those who are different. I am charmed by the non typical store customer, even though he or she can cause a lot of work for me. My sweet mom was judgemental and I catch myself judging, but call myself on it. After thinking for awhile and feeling picked on by my husband, sister, and daughters, I decided that the fault was not with them. I have gotten the impression that my sister thinks I'm stupid. My daughter, who is living with us until April, prefers to spend time with her friends, not with her old mom. No matter how general and innocent a topic, my husband is a bully and a grouch. I've asked a few friends to pray for us, to strengthen our marriage, because every marriage is hard work. So then these relationship difficulties rely with me and I need to do something to change my feelings of low self esteem, acting non assertive. I know I am loyal, conscientious, reliable, honest, intelligent, hard working, a nurturing grandma and a loving daughter. However I need to continue to strengthen my marriage, support my husband and children. For my New Year's resolution, I have decided to listen... Listen, listen and listen again. And ackowledge what the person is saying and feeling.

Money

On Wednesday, my granddaughter and I drove to the flower shop to pick up two wreaths. If it is nice on Sunday, my dad and brother will drive to the cemeteries and place the wreaths on my Mother's and grandparent's graves. While I was there, the President of the company asked me to meet with him. Our flower shop, which consists of the main store and the branch store where I work, is acquiring a third store. The owner is retiring and moving out of state. The president asked me if I'd be willing to work at the new store. I told him that I would enjoy the challenge. I realized that one of my work days conflicts with taking care of my granddaughter while her mother works, so wrote an email and asked if I could contine working at the main store on that day. He is still working on plans. I think the manager of the branch store might be retiring in the spring, so it might make more sense to have me continue working here and train another person to manage the new store. I drank hot chocolate late last night and the theobromin kept me awake, my mind thinking about my granddaughter, sister and husband. Funny what I think of when my mind is whirling. After discussing a plan with my husband, I withdrew some money to shop for my husband's Christmas presents. One of the items was sold out. I bought the next closest item, hoping my husband will like it. I wanted to shop for my husband Thursday, the day before I got paid. He commented that I used money he intended to use for bills. He couldn't write checks anyway as it turns out because he needs a new check register. Since I was paid today, I withdrew the money for my riding lesson and Sunday coffee. The rest is available for bills.