Samuel and Eli

In this New Year, 2018, I am trying to be a better listener. It's difficult when the conversation is boring. Today at Mass, we heard the story of Samuel and Eli. Samuel, Hannah's son, the son she birthed at an old age, worked at the temple. He had to keep the sanctuary lamp burning. One evening as he slept, he heard a voice call "Samuel! Samuel!" He went running to Eli who told Samuel that he did not call and to go back to sleep. The third time this happened, Eli realized that it was the Lord calling and told Samuel to say, "Speak Lord. Your servant is listening." The priest went on to say that many times we say, "Listen Lord. Your servant is speaking." On the way on Mass I was singing, "We are one body in this one Lord," and the old hymn "We are one in the Spirit...they'll know we are Christians by our love." My priest friend said that the greatest command is to love one another. When we conversed after Mass, he said that today I was led by the Spirit. Initially, I made the resolution to listen better to husband, children, coworkers, parent, customers--a completely secular resolution. After today's reading and subsequent homily,I realize that I need to expand and include listening to the Lord. And to quietly, without fanfare, be helpful, compassionate, generous, empowering.

Can't be a manager of the new store

My daughter's brother in law is living with her little family. This is one of the reasons that she is house hunting. Currently she is living in her husband's family home that was left vacant when her father in law remarried. It is a long drive to work in snowy weather. It is hard to care for the dog when she is working long hours. Her father in law does not want two mortgage payments. I'm praying that the little family will find the right house that they can afford in the perfect location. Our store has merged with another flower shop and I've been busy cleaning and merchandising the new store. The new store is downtown on the first floor of a 160 year old building. Law offices, a salon and a yoga studio are located on the second floor. The businesses use a common restroom and I need to use a key. Trying to maintain a positive attitude and not complain about anything. It was my decision to maintain my days off--a choice that prevented me from becoming the manager of the downtown store. I'm at a branch store 1 1/2 days a week and at the main store 3 days a week, for now. Probably will change after Valentine's Day. My friend wants me to visit her at the rehab center. I am choosing to stay home because I was uncomfortable and tense at the last visit. My friend pushed her wheelchair to the table and another client in a wheelchair blocked her in. Even though the staff told her that they would help her out, she fretted the entire visit about it. Not a pleasant time for me, so I am choosing to distance myself from people and situations that make me tense and uncomfortable. I sent her a pretty card.

A New Year 2018 Resolution

I have come up with an exciting New Year 2018 Resolution. No resolution of diet and exercise for me! I have been sick with an upper respiratory infection for a week which affects my cognition, hearing among other things. On Christmas Day, my sister was telling me that the bread she gave us needed to be heated in the oven for a few minutes. I didn't hear that she was talking about the bread. When my Dad opened his gift I told him that his hot chocolate needed to be heated in the oven. My sister said, "Oh, my God! That's hot chocolate!" She was imagining my 91 year old dad heating his hot chocolate in the oven! Last night, my husband and I had a difference of opinion about the cause of opoid addiction and circumstances concerning some bonds that I have. I noticed recently in conversations with my children, except my oldest son, that they always defend or support their thoughts or actions. Perhaps I defended my thoughts and actions while they were growing up and they picked up on it. I don't know. However, at my age, I'm entitled to my opinions and definitely don't feel that I have to be defensive. I want them to undertand that there are options, multiple ways to achieve goals, more than one way to be a good parent. I hope that they would be progressive thinkers, non judgemental and full of love for all, especially those who are different. I am charmed by the non typical store customer, even though he or she can cause a lot of work for me. My sweet mom was judgemental and I catch myself judging, but call myself on it. After thinking for awhile and feeling picked on by my husband, sister, and daughters, I decided that the fault was not with them. I have gotten the impression that my sister thinks I'm stupid. My daughter, who is living with us until April, prefers to spend time with her friends, not with her old mom. No matter how general and innocent a topic, my husband is a bully and a grouch. I've asked a few friends to pray for us, to strengthen our marriage, because every marriage is hard work. So then these relationship difficulties rely with me and I need to do something to change my feelings of low self esteem, acting non assertive. I know I am loyal, conscientious, reliable, honest, intelligent, hard working, a nurturing grandma and a loving daughter. However I need to continue to strengthen my marriage, support my husband and children. For my New Year's resolution, I have decided to listen... Listen, listen and listen again. And ackowledge what the person is saying and feeling.

Money

On Wednesday, my granddaughter and I drove to the flower shop to pick up two wreaths. If it is nice on Sunday, my dad and brother will drive to the cemeteries and place the wreaths on my Mother's and grandparent's graves. While I was there, the President of the company asked me to meet with him. Our flower shop, which consists of the main store and the branch store where I work, is acquiring a third store. The owner is retiring and moving out of state. The president asked me if I'd be willing to work at the new store. I told him that I would enjoy the challenge. I realized that one of my work days conflicts with taking care of my granddaughter while her mother works, so wrote an email and asked if I could contine working at the main store on that day. He is still working on plans. I think the manager of the branch store might be retiring in the spring, so it might make more sense to have me continue working here and train another person to manage the new store. I drank hot chocolate late last night and the theobromin kept me awake, my mind thinking about my granddaughter, sister and husband. Funny what I think of when my mind is whirling. After discussing a plan with my husband, I withdrew some money to shop for my husband's Christmas presents. One of the items was sold out. I bought the next closest item, hoping my husband will like it. I wanted to shop for my husband Thursday, the day before I got paid. He commented that I used money he intended to use for bills. He couldn't write checks anyway as it turns out because he needs a new check register. Since I was paid today, I withdrew the money for my riding lesson and Sunday coffee. The rest is available for bills.

22 Hours of Free Time

Last week after Mass, the presider announced that someone was needed to set up the altar and clean up for Sunday Mass. I weighed the pros and cons and after deliberating, decided that I could go to the chapel a few minutes early and stay after a few minutes. On Thursday, I met with the chaplain and she explained my job responsibilities. Tomorrow will be the first time that I set up for Mass. On Wednesday, I was thinking about making a baby bundle. A baby bundlle contains receiving and crib blankets, booties, onesies, sleepers, diapers, baby bottles. I need to sell some things to make the baby bundle...my flute, my martial arts kicking bag etc. After work tomorrow, my husband and I are meeting his cousins for a meal. They changed their meeting time to allow me to come after work. I am exhausted after work but will try to go with my husband tomorrow. After figuring in work hours, babysitting, riding, walking the dogs, cooking and cleaning, sleeping, I have 22 hours of down time. I enjoy wiling away my free time with movies and books that take me away from reality and make me laugh.

Need to research and know what to expect

Last June, my best friend was seriously injured when her taxi hit the back of a flat bed truck. She was on a ventilator, had several operations including repair to broken bones in her thighs and a graft for a burn. She had a concussion. I visited her several times, but she was on pain meds and didn't recognize me. I decided to forgo the visits for a while and send her cards. She wrote to me and during the last couple weeks and left a phone message. Finally, we arranged to get together yesterday. I was worried about finding her at the facility for brain injured where she lives. Fortunately, a staff member was in the parking lot and walked with me to the dining room. I had misconceptions, so the visit was stressful. My friend is immobile, in a wheelchair, and has edema. She did converse with me and introduce me to other residents and staff. she felt hemmed in and was preoccupied with the logistics of getting out of the dining room, mentioning this multiple times while I was eating. I wasn't prepared for the number of brain injured people in heavy wheelchairs, the degree of injury, the smells. My friend had a doctor appointment, and I was glad because after a short time, I was overwhelmed and wanted to go home. In order to prepare myself for new situations, I need to research and know what to expect.

Unconditional friendship

I play toys with my 4 month old baby granddaughter. We read board books together. She has her favorites, Peekaboo Baby, Little Lost Sheep and The Very Hungry Caterpillar. She plays on her tummy until she becomes frustrated. She likes to watch the mobile of colorful fall leaves and the cars, buses and motorcycles roaring down the street. When she falls asleep, I hold her and try to situate her in her bassinet or pack and play, but more often than not, she awakens and I lull her back to sleep. I enjoy her company and she smiles at me. One day, I strapped her in her stroller and we took the dogs for a walk. Usually, the dogs and I walk after the baby has gone home. Sometimes, the middle school students will be playing soccer and field hockey. Occasionally a man will fly his model plane. The dogs are good company too. When I am reading, Mickey the black and white kitty snuggles into w warm little ball on my lap. Such a friend. On Tuesday, I drive to the farm and ride Hope, the horse. We work together and share apples and carrots. Her neck is warm from the sun as she looks at me with her soft brown eyes. On Wednesday evening, my husband and I drive to my Dad's house to cook dinner and visit. I feel happy when we've had a good visit. My friend called from the traumatic brain injury center where she is in rehab and invited me to lunch this week. I hope the baby and I can go. I am so very grateful for these people and animals in my life. They offer unconditional friendship and loyalty. Though not friends, I enjoy the interesting encounters with the people that come into the shop. We chat while I wrap their flowers. So tired today. I fell right asleep but after one hour woke and couldn't settle. Quite possibly the small chocolate candy I ate, kept me awake. I drove downtown, parked in a parking structure and walked to the jewelry store. I pulled on the door twice before it hit me that the door had to be unlocked from the inside. I am having my rings sized and soddered together so that the stems don't rub together and thin. The jeweler will also check the prongs as years ago, I was sitting in church and realized that the diamond had fallen out of the ring.