A New Year 2018 Resolution

I have come up with an exciting New Year 2018 Resolution. No resolution of diet and exercise for me! I have been sick with an upper respiratory infection for a week which affects my cognition, hearing among other things. On Christmas Day, my sister was telling me that the bread she gave us needed to be heated in the oven for a few minutes. I didn't hear that she was talking about the bread. When my Dad opened his gift I told him that his hot chocolate needed to be heated in the oven. My sister said, "Oh, my God! That's hot chocolate!" She was imagining my 91 year old dad heating his hot chocolate in the oven! Last night, my husband and I had a difference of opinion about the cause of opoid addiction and circumstances concerning some bonds that I have. I noticed recently in conversations with my children, except my oldest son, that they always defend or support their thoughts or actions. Perhaps I defended my thoughts and actions while they were growing up and they picked up on it. I don't know. However, at my age, I'm entitled to my opinions and definitely don't feel that I have to be defensive. I want them to undertand that there are options, multiple ways to achieve goals, more than one way to be a good parent. I hope that they would be progressive thinkers, non judgemental and full of love for all, especially those who are different. I am charmed by the non typical store customer, even though he or she can cause a lot of work for me. My sweet mom was judgemental and I catch myself judging, but call myself on it. After thinking for awhile and feeling picked on by my husband, sister, and daughters, I decided that the fault was not with them. I have gotten the impression that my sister thinks I'm stupid. My daughter, who is living with us until April, prefers to spend time with her friends, not with her old mom. No matter how general and innocent a topic, my husband is a bully and a grouch. I've asked a few friends to pray for us, to strengthen our marriage, because every marriage is hard work. So then these relationship difficulties rely with me and I need to do something to change my feelings of low self esteem, acting non assertive. I know I am loyal, conscientious, reliable, honest, intelligent, hard working, a nurturing grandma and a loving daughter. However I need to continue to strengthen my marriage, support my husband and children. For my New Year's resolution, I have decided to listen... Listen, listen and listen again. And ackowledge what the person is saying and feeling.

Money

On Wednesday, my granddaughter and I drove to the flower shop to pick up two wreaths. If it is nice on Sunday, my dad and brother will drive to the cemeteries and place the wreaths on my Mother's and grandparent's graves. While I was there, the President of the company asked me to meet with him. Our flower shop, which consists of the main store and the branch store where I work, is acquiring a third store. The owner is retiring and moving out of state. The president asked me if I'd be willing to work at the new store. I told him that I would enjoy the challenge. I realized that one of my work days conflicts with taking care of my granddaughter while her mother works, so wrote an email and asked if I could contine working at the main store on that day. He is still working on plans. I think the manager of the branch store might be retiring in the spring, so it might make more sense to have me continue working here and train another person to manage the new store. I drank hot chocolate late last night and the theobromin kept me awake, my mind thinking about my granddaughter, sister and husband. Funny what I think of when my mind is whirling. After discussing a plan with my husband, I withdrew some money to shop for my husband's Christmas presents. One of the items was sold out. I bought the next closest item, hoping my husband will like it. I wanted to shop for my husband Thursday, the day before I got paid. He commented that I used money he intended to use for bills. He couldn't write checks anyway as it turns out because he needs a new check register. Since I was paid today, I withdrew the money for my riding lesson and Sunday coffee. The rest is available for bills.

22 Hours of Free Time

Last week after Mass, the presider announced that someone was needed to set up the altar and clean up for Sunday Mass. I weighed the pros and cons and after deliberating, decided that I could go to the chapel a few minutes early and stay after a few minutes. On Thursday, I met with the chaplain and she explained my job responsibilities. Tomorrow will be the first time that I set up for Mass. On Wednesday, I was thinking about making a baby bundle. A baby bundlle contains receiving and crib blankets, booties, onesies, sleepers, diapers, baby bottles. I need to sell some things to make the baby bundle...my flute, my martial arts kicking bag etc. After work tomorrow, my husband and I are meeting his cousins for a meal. They changed their meeting time to allow me to come after work. I am exhausted after work but will try to go with my husband tomorrow. After figuring in work hours, babysitting, riding, walking the dogs, cooking and cleaning, sleeping, I have 22 hours of down time. I enjoy wiling away my free time with movies and books that take me away from reality and make me laugh.

Need to research and know what to expect

Last June, my best friend was seriously injured when her taxi hit the back of a flat bed truck. She was on a ventilator, had several operations including repair to broken bones in her thighs and a graft for a burn. She had a concussion. I visited her several times, but she was on pain meds and didn't recognize me. I decided to forgo the visits for a while and send her cards. She wrote to me and during the last couple weeks and left a phone message. Finally, we arranged to get together yesterday. I was worried about finding her at the facility for brain injured where she lives. Fortunately, a staff member was in the parking lot and walked with me to the dining room. I had misconceptions, so the visit was stressful. My friend is immobile, in a wheelchair, and has edema. She did converse with me and introduce me to other residents and staff. she felt hemmed in and was preoccupied with the logistics of getting out of the dining room, mentioning this multiple times while I was eating. I wasn't prepared for the number of brain injured people in heavy wheelchairs, the degree of injury, the smells. My friend had a doctor appointment, and I was glad because after a short time, I was overwhelmed and wanted to go home. In order to prepare myself for new situations, I need to research and know what to expect.

Unconditional friendship

I play toys with my 4 month old baby granddaughter. We read board books together. She has her favorites, Peekaboo Baby, Little Lost Sheep and The Very Hungry Caterpillar. She plays on her tummy until she becomes frustrated. She likes to watch the mobile of colorful fall leaves and the cars, buses and motorcycles roaring down the street. When she falls asleep, I hold her and try to situate her in her bassinet or pack and play, but more often than not, she awakens and I lull her back to sleep. I enjoy her company and she smiles at me. One day, I strapped her in her stroller and we took the dogs for a walk. Usually, the dogs and I walk after the baby has gone home. Sometimes, the middle school students will be playing soccer and field hockey. Occasionally a man will fly his model plane. The dogs are good company too. When I am reading, Mickey the black and white kitty snuggles into w warm little ball on my lap. Such a friend. On Tuesday, I drive to the farm and ride Hope, the horse. We work together and share apples and carrots. Her neck is warm from the sun as she looks at me with her soft brown eyes. On Wednesday evening, my husband and I drive to my Dad's house to cook dinner and visit. I feel happy when we've had a good visit. My friend called from the traumatic brain injury center where she is in rehab and invited me to lunch this week. I hope the baby and I can go. I am so very grateful for these people and animals in my life. They offer unconditional friendship and loyalty. Though not friends, I enjoy the interesting encounters with the people that come into the shop. We chat while I wrap their flowers. So tired today. I fell right asleep but after one hour woke and couldn't settle. Quite possibly the small chocolate candy I ate, kept me awake. I drove downtown, parked in a parking structure and walked to the jewelry store. I pulled on the door twice before it hit me that the door had to be unlocked from the inside. I am having my rings sized and soddered together so that the stems don't rub together and thin. The jeweler will also check the prongs as years ago, I was sitting in church and realized that the diamond had fallen out of the ring.

Proactivity

I was tired last night but discovered that I couldn't sleep. I had a lot on my mind, but the real reason was that I had chocolate ice cream (theobromine in the chocolate always keeps me awake) and had nibbled way too long into the evening. I was uncomfortable and my thoughts were circling. So much sadness. Mulled over the premature deaths of so many, young and old. A woman in Texas who died from flesh eating bacteria after hurricane Harvey. The 2 year old grand baby of a State Senator who drowned over the weekend. Young woman who died in a car accident. Thought about the dire situation in Puerto Rico and how I can help. I am picking up my baby granddaughter after work and the house is near the apartment complex where my mother in law lived the last few years of her life. So of course, I thought of her. Sad that a young student removed the solar globe from the bottom of our drive. Worried about my elderly frail father who has a bad cold. Woke this morning, ate a healthy bowl of apple oatmeal, refrained from drinking coffee and headed off to work. I chose some flowers for baby to take to my former boss, who has now retired and is babysitting today. Proactivity is the word of the day.

Fearful of the unknown, unfamiliar and change

It has been a year since my mother passed away. Such a sad time last September. We had our family reunion at the State Park up north. All the family was together except for our oldest son. Walks along the beach, golf, miniature golf, grilled burgers and hot dogs over the fire, Mass outside. We were truly blessed. Nine of us together including a 3 month old baby girl. Good memories. Going on vacation is exhausting. Packing, setting up the trailer, gazebo and tent. Covering the tent with plastic to protect everone inside from rain. Unpacking, putting equipment away, cleaning the trailer and laundry. We have a bit of to-do list for the pop-up. I accidently put a three cornered tear in the vinyl so we need to patch it. The seat back rest was stapled and the staples didn't hold. One of the support poles needs to be made shorter. We celebrated my birthday with a pizza party and ice cream sundaes and some prosecco. We hadn't visited with my dad in two weeks because we were on vacation and then he went camping. We made dinner and chatted with him last night. He talked to his brother and sister in Florida and everyone is fine. I wish I wasn't afraid of everything. Where did I get this timidity? It's fear of the unfamiliar and the unknown and change.