22 Hours of Free Time

Last week after Mass, the presider announced that someone was needed to set up the altar and clean up for Sunday Mass. I weighed the pros and cons and after deliberating, decided that I could go to the chapel a few minutes early and stay after a few minutes. On Thursday, I met with the chaplain and she explained my job responsibilities. Tomorrow will be the first time that I set up for Mass. On Wednesday, I was thinking about making a baby bundle. A baby bundlle contains receiving and crib blankets, booties, onesies, sleepers, diapers, baby bottles. I need to sell some things to make the baby bundle...my flute, my martial arts kicking bag etc. After work tomorrow, my husband and I are meeting his cousins for a meal. They changed their meeting time to allow me to come after work. I am exhausted after work but will try to go with my husband tomorrow. After figuring in work hours, babysitting, riding, walking the dogs, cooking and cleaning, sleeping, I have 22 hours of down time. I enjoy wiling away my free time with movies and books that take me away from reality and make me laugh.

Need to research and know what to expect

Last June, my best friend was seriously injured when her taxi hit the back of a flat bed truck. She was on a ventilator, had several operations including repair to broken bones in her thighs and a graft for a burn. She had a concussion. I visited her several times, but she was on pain meds and didn't recognize me. I decided to forgo the visits for a while and send her cards. She wrote to me and during the last couple weeks and left a phone message. Finally, we arranged to get together yesterday. I was worried about finding her at the facility for brain injured where she lives. Fortunately, a staff member was in the parking lot and walked with me to the dining room. I had misconceptions, so the visit was stressful. My friend is immobile, in a wheelchair, and has edema. She did converse with me and introduce me to other residents and staff. she felt hemmed in and was preoccupied with the logistics of getting out of the dining room, mentioning this multiple times while I was eating. I wasn't prepared for the number of brain injured people in heavy wheelchairs, the degree of injury, the smells. My friend had a doctor appointment, and I was glad because after a short time, I was overwhelmed and wanted to go home. In order to prepare myself for new situations, I need to research and know what to expect.

Unconditional friendship

I play toys with my 4 month old baby granddaughter. We read board books together. She has her favorites, Peekaboo Baby, Little Lost Sheep and The Very Hungry Caterpillar. She plays on her tummy until she becomes frustrated. She likes to watch the mobile of colorful fall leaves and the cars, buses and motorcycles roaring down the street. When she falls asleep, I hold her and try to situate her in her bassinet or pack and play, but more often than not, she awakens and I lull her back to sleep. I enjoy her company and she smiles at me. One day, I strapped her in her stroller and we took the dogs for a walk. Usually, the dogs and I walk after the baby has gone home. Sometimes, the middle school students will be playing soccer and field hockey. Occasionally a man will fly his model plane. The dogs are good company too. When I am reading, Mickey the black and white kitty snuggles into w warm little ball on my lap. Such a friend. On Tuesday, I drive to the farm and ride Hope, the horse. We work together and share apples and carrots. Her neck is warm from the sun as she looks at me with her soft brown eyes. On Wednesday evening, my husband and I drive to my Dad's house to cook dinner and visit. I feel happy when we've had a good visit. My friend called from the traumatic brain injury center where she is in rehab and invited me to lunch this week. I hope the baby and I can go. I am so very grateful for these people and animals in my life. They offer unconditional friendship and loyalty. Though not friends, I enjoy the interesting encounters with the people that come into the shop. We chat while I wrap their flowers. So tired today. I fell right asleep but after one hour woke and couldn't settle. Quite possibly the small chocolate candy I ate, kept me awake. I drove downtown, parked in a parking structure and walked to the jewelry store. I pulled on the door twice before it hit me that the door had to be unlocked from the inside. I am having my rings sized and soddered together so that the stems don't rub together and thin. The jeweler will also check the prongs as years ago, I was sitting in church and realized that the diamond had fallen out of the ring.

Proactivity

I was tired last night but discovered that I couldn't sleep. I had a lot on my mind, but the real reason was that I had chocolate ice cream (theobromine in the chocolate always keeps me awake) and had nibbled way too long into the evening. I was uncomfortable and my thoughts were circling. So much sadness. Mulled over the premature deaths of so many, young and old. A woman in Texas who died from flesh eating bacteria after hurricane Harvey. The 2 year old grand baby of a State Senator who drowned over the weekend. Young woman who died in a car accident. Thought about the dire situation in Puerto Rico and how I can help. I am picking up my baby granddaughter after work and the house is near the apartment complex where my mother in law lived the last few years of her life. So of course, I thought of her. Sad that a young student removed the solar globe from the bottom of our drive. Worried about my elderly frail father who has a bad cold. Woke this morning, ate a healthy bowl of apple oatmeal, refrained from drinking coffee and headed off to work. I chose some flowers for baby to take to my former boss, who has now retired and is babysitting today. Proactivity is the word of the day.

Fearful of the unknown, unfamiliar and change

It has been a year since my mother passed away. Such a sad time last September. We had our family reunion at the State Park up north. All the family was together except for our oldest son. Walks along the beach, golf, miniature golf, grilled burgers and hot dogs over the fire, Mass outside. We were truly blessed. Nine of us together including a 3 month old baby girl. Good memories. Going on vacation is exhausting. Packing, setting up the trailer, gazebo and tent. Covering the tent with plastic to protect everone inside from rain. Unpacking, putting equipment away, cleaning the trailer and laundry. We have a bit of to-do list for the pop-up. I accidently put a three cornered tear in the vinyl so we need to patch it. The seat back rest was stapled and the staples didn't hold. One of the support poles needs to be made shorter. We celebrated my birthday with a pizza party and ice cream sundaes and some prosecco. We hadn't visited with my dad in two weeks because we were on vacation and then he went camping. We made dinner and chatted with him last night. He talked to his brother and sister in Florida and everyone is fine. I wish I wasn't afraid of everything. Where did I get this timidity? It's fear of the unfamiliar and the unknown and change.

Resolving issues

Little baby granddaughter, Autumn, was baptized on Aug 6th. We celebrated at the house after the ceremony. The weather was neither too hot or too cold, so everyone enjoyed the backyard. A compatible group. My niece could not find a place to park near the church so she decided to go to her grandpa's house. Later she brought my dad over to visit for a bit. So nice to see him--he hadn't been to the house in about a year. Last weekend I stayed at my daughter's house while she and her husband flew to California for her friend's wedding. Watched granddaughter Autumn, Lily, the golden retriever puppy and Tiger, the cat. No sooner had we arrived at my daughter's house when Lily, the dog, dismantled the baby gate trying to get upstairs with me. When my daughter and her husband are home, Lily gets a lot of attention, but when it is just me, she doesn't get much. On Saturday evening, after she acted out a few times, Autumn and I took her for a short walk. Changed the tenor of the evening. On Sunday, I invited my son over. We ate together and chatted and I took Lily for a long walk. He drove my daughter and her husband home from the airport. I got home around 2am, slept for a few hours and then got up to get ready for work. I like this quote, it makes sense to me. "If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present." I was looking at an email my husband sent me and the quote was at the bottom. I desire and try to attain peaceful living. I have been anxious the last few weeks waiting for issues to resolve. Concern about the weather for the baby's luncheon, wondering if my dad was coming up north and how he would get there, securing care for the animals while we are away, huge responsibility of baby, puppy and cat while my daughter and her husband were away. So anxious that I did not feel well.

Fun with dad, sister, grandbaby and friends!

My sister invited my dad and me for lunch at her home on the lake. I was taking care of my little granddaughter so she came to lunch also. It was a nice day so we took the expressway, rode along the river and then took rural roads to my sister's home. I work up at 5am praying for safety as it is a huge responsibility to take a frail 91 year old man and a newborn on a short road trip. We sat and ate our lunch on the deck and watched the boats and swan family on the lake. My sister showed me pictures of her vacation. My dad had a nice chat with us, got animated when my brother in law came home fromm work. Yesterday, I took my dad on a bank errand and then had dinner with three friends. It was exactly what I needed. Social interaction. We had a good time and shared a few laughs. All is well when I can laugh aloud. My dad has been trying for 18 months to get home health aides. He was not approved before, nurse suggested a housekeeper and cook. But finally he has become frail enough to be approved. His health aides will help him shower and dress in addition to preparing his meals. He hopes to have them drive him around on errands and to doctor appointments. He is looking forward to visiting with his brother and sister next month. They and my brother and sister plan to have lunch together. Dad is going to talk with his brother about pulling the trailer about 250 miles north and camping together. We'll see what my uncle has planned. My friend has been moved to a traumatic brain injury center near my home. She will have music, physical and occupational therapy. So sad about the ride accident at the fair. Praying for the families of all those involved. Such a heart breaking accident. Next month I have to pay a huge medicare premium. Stressful.