Hungry friend

I don't have to look very far to find people that could use help. My friend has been complaining that she is hunngry. She is a neglected, forgotten person. No one wants to take her in. I feel badly, both because I can't offer her a place in our home and because she is hungry. How can I eat when I know she is not getting enough food? I think of the rich man and Lazarus. Has my time on earth been spent living comfortably and ignoring those who are in desperate need? I really can't live with myself unless I do something about my friend. Today she is scrounging up enough money to buy a salad at her day program. Tomorrow I hope to go to her club and purchase a meal card for her. It is a slippery slope because her thinking is strange and she has no concept of money. I worry about her in the group home and am praying that she can secure a placement where she will be happy.

A Productive Day

Since our daughters arrive on Monday, I went downstairs and brought up the Christmas decorations. The tree lights twinkle and the ornaments shimmer. Underneath the tree, rabbits and cats lay peacefully. The Nativity is up--the Holy Family, shepherds, wisemen, musicians, village children, fox, dogs, cats and kittens, geese, chickens, a horse, all visiting the newborn king. The winter village houses and the inhabitants sit on the mantle this year. It is very cold here, so hopefully the cold will abate some, and I can put the outside lights up. After work, we went to the mall and picked up a few more gifts and I wrapped them. Of course, I need to head out and find a few gifts for my very thoughtful husband. He took my car and installed a new battery. I cried when I came into work and found that the store manager had left a Christmas gift for me. I was touched by her thoughtfulness. I read that a young mother had an accident in Washington State. The roads were icy and she flew off and crashed into a tree. The minivan burst into flames. Though severely wounded she struggled to free her 3 year old and 5 month old, but the two girls died. My own struggle with the loss of my mother makes world sadness that much more intense. I grieve for this family. My daughter's high school friend lost his mother and father a few days ago in a horrible pile up on the expressway. 36 families are grieving the loss of their loved ones in the Ghost Ship in California. And countless people are mourning the deaths of the Brazilian soccer team. Innundated with so much grief, it is hard to celebrate Christmas. There is sorrow in my eyes. I will honor those who lost their lives and their loved ones with thoughts and prayers.

Christmas cards mailed

Well, kudos to me. I got the Christmas cards addressed, signed and mailed. Probably, one of the most difficult activities of the Christmas season. I wished my siblings "peace" as I know they are going through a difficult time. Also, I decided to send all my nieces and nephews cards, as a random act of kindness. I really don't expect anything back from them. For the 10th time, I have lost my cell phone. St. Anthony must be so tired of searching for my missing items. "St Anthony, St Anthony, please look around. For the 10th time, my cell phone is lost and needs to be found." I had it Sunday morning, but haven't seen it since. And now calls go directly to voice mail, so I fear it is buried under the 8" of Christmas snow that covers the city. I took my secret Santa gift to the store yesterday. I will probably miss the cookout as I am at the satellite store, unless someone makes me a plate. Two daughters arrive next Monday. My husband and I had taken our grand rabbit to the vet. She got an antibiotic for an upper respiratory infection. The vet told me that she should have been spayed because rabbits have intense hormones which cause uterine cancer. I gave her the medicine on Friday. Was shocked to go into her room and see her on her side, near her litter. My husband buried her by the lilac bush which is now blanketed in snow. Such a very difficult day.

Difficult Day

Today a customer came in who lost her husband last New Year's Eve. We agreed that surviving the holidays after losing a husband or mother is extremely difficult. She doesn't want to think about Christmas, so she is going on a cruise for a week. Christmas was on my mind all day. I addressed some envelopes and signed Christmas cards. My dad called and told me that my brother planned on putting the wreath at the cemetery tomorrow. He is trying to avoid the snow on Sunday. I had planned to decorate the wreath myself, but because my dad needs it as soon as possible, I had to purchase one that was already decorated. I took it to my dad's and wired it to the easel. Rosa, my dad's geriatric border collie, had a stroke. A difficult day, with lots of triggers and many tears.

Getting through the holidays

During Advent, I am hoping to do random acts of kindness and to keep a record of them. My work activities do not count, but kind acts for people and animals do. These acts of kindness will "pad the manger," so to speak. The skies have been overcast the last few days. Perhaps, because of the gloom, or that carols were coming out of the car speaker, I had a rough start at work. I researched articles about getting through the holidays. I read that people think about the deceased in a way that they remember, which probably isn't how the person really was in life. The thought comforted me. Laughing, joking, playing games with my mother, repeating little rituals. I knew as tears fell that I needed to get busy, to distract myself. I need to grieve also, but not at work. So I checked all the arrangements and flowers and changed the water. When my back began to hurt, I sat down for a while.

Trying to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas

Talked to my brother today and he said that yesterday was very dfficult for him. Commented that with the busyness of chores for our mother's funeral, he didn't have time to grieve. He mentioned that he was glad that Thanksgiving dinner was at my sister's house. He told me that my cousin had passed away. We are waiting on memorial arrangements for her. Dinner at our house was just what we needed, relaxing, good food and company. I took the dogs for a long walk before dinner, through the loop trail, around the marsh, through the neighborhood, across the soccer field and back home. They enjoyed it, since they did not walk the day before. It was rainy and bone chilling cold. My daughter and her husband are expecting their first baby the first of June. Excited and sad becauuse Mother will not see the baby. Exactly as when our youngest daughter was born and my husband's mother had passed away just six weeks prior. I am trying to enjoy the Christmas season (although grief comes in waves), to make it special in the wake of my mother's death.

More At Peace

After attending the conversation on Wednesday and following the counselor's advice, I am more at peace. I made my husband's favorite chicken and biscuits and a pineapple turnover cake for dessert on Wednesday. On Thursday, homemade cheesy macaroni and on Friday, burgers. My husband shopped this morning for groceries, including the items we need for our Thanksgiving. My dad bought us a turkey. It was kind of him, and I am most grateful. I received an email that the headstone had been placed in the cemetery. The email mentioned the wrong cemetery but I called the company and all is well. I believe it is hard for people "to get over it" when dealing with a huge disappointment or the death of a family member or friend.