I'm a trainwreck

Yesterday morning the sun shone. I grabbed a hand towel(cause I was sad) and headed out to talk to someone about my issues. I realized as I got to the meeting place and greeted and chatted with people there, that part of my problem is being alone, not surrounding myself with other people. I work 4 days alone at the flower shop and spend one day off alone. My husband removes his "ears" when he is home and wears a headset, so it is very difficult to communicate with him. Though I was crying on the way, I did not cry while I was talking. He did give me a very real way to deal with my worries and concerns. As far as the other one, I need to let it go. Remember, mulling about it "serves no useful purpose." I already tried the solution and hope it provides a lifeline. He also said that he just lost his brother-in-law and was feeling extremely tired. And certaily the physical aspect is contributing--the jangling nerves, the dull headache. I am so looking forward to roasting a turkey and all the trimmings on Thursday. And if I feel closed in, I can take the dogs for a walk. We crackle through the leaves, sometimes going up and down small hills in the woods. I like the woods when visibility is high, the leaves crunch or the snow falls gently. And I do like laughing and playing games with my husband and children--rummy cube or some other game. So this Thanksgiving will be exactly what I need, so very different from our usual reunion with my husband's family. It is close to the angel-versary of the little 5 year old boy who lost his battle with DIPG. In his honor, I am going to do at least 5 acts of kindness. The holiday preview sale is this Saturday. Folks can buy gifts, enjoy treats and enter for doorprizes. Maui and Pudge in the tub after greeting a black and white striped "kitty."

Gentleness with others

Since half the country is mourning, I am treating every one with kid gloves, that is to say, very gently. I am trying my best to be patient, kind, considerate, helpful. The flower shop has been extremely busy. A woman bought two Norfolk pine trees and an arrangement to put on a table for a backyard wedding. Another woman chose some fleece slippers "Fleece Navidad" as a non-traditional get well gift. A man ordered two fall themed arrangements for a birthday party. Yet it's sad because I took several funeral orders for a 15 year old who fell 7 stories to his death and an order for an arrangement for my husband's friend who died from cancer. His funeral is tomorrow. I sent my sister a birthday card and small monetary gift. I want to stay home for Thanksgiving this year. I'd like to make dinner for my immediate family. Usually we spend Thanksgiving with my husband's family, but this year his brother and family are traveling to another state to see the new baby. After my mother's passing, I need to be comfortable and peaceful and I believe my own home is the best place to be.

Election over

Such a divided country! I'm sure the forefathers never dreamed that the two-party system would cause such hatred and differences of opinion. It's time to stop prejudice, judgements, bigotry, injustice, hatred, fear. We need to hold politicians accountable. We must write and call those people in power. I read comments on posts very rarely because I find that most comments are not based on fact. And I become upset with name calling. Name calling, hatred, bullying runs wild on the internet because the writer is unseen. It's a depressing day though the sun is shining. Lots of tears. Hope, too, I suppose, because people are coming forward to support and affirm.

Sioux Dakota Pipeline facebook

I have been studying the North Dakota Access Pipeline situation--the 1300 long pipeline that will take oil from the Bekker oilfields near Canada to a plant in Illinois. As you know, the Sioux are protesting the building of the pipeline, citing that it desecrates hallowed burial grounds and that it violates the sacred waters of the Missouri River. 140 protesters have been arrested and some have been hit with rubber bullets, beanbags and pepper spray. The route of the pipeline was rerouted from Bismarck, the capitol of North Dakota, closer to the Sioux nation. I have been trying to learn all that I can and to back up information with facts. A digression for a moment. I live by both an elementary and middle school. For several summers, including the 2016 season, construction has taken place at the schools. Heavy trucks thundered by, the engines roared the "beep, beep, beep" of heavy equipment sounded from early morning til late afternoon. And this summer, the paths were turn up, heavy machinery raced by, the grass was dug up and became mud, the beautiful serene fields became an unsightly quagmire. The construction lasted from March until October. My sense of peace went out the window. So, then I empathize with the Sioux nation and I want the People to be treated justly. Bernie Sanders wrote an open letter to President Obama asking for his intervention. The two presidential hopefuls have turned their back to the cries of the Sioux. People are standing with the Sioux people on facebook. A bus and two vans are headed to the reservation from Minnesota. Mark Ruffalo, a handsome actor, gave the people mobile solar panels. I am writing, spreading the word. It's very little, isn't it. Check out Sioux Dakota Pipeline facebook.

Taking care of the earth

Because of my friend's inability to live by herself and get along with her housemates, she is miserable. She is emotionally immature. Perhaps if she attended relationship classes, she would learn how to get along with people. She says that this house manager is worse than all the other managers. After a lot of prayer, I managed to vote on the partisan part of the ballot. It was difficult for me and when my husband found out that I hadn't mailed in my ballot yet, he wanted to know why. I delayed hoping for divine inspiration and I am now at peace. I stopped at the post office to get stamps so that I could mail it. Only one more week until the national election. Someone online suggested that people abstain from voting. This scares me as a small percentage could elect the officials if people abstain from voting. Was reading about the situation at Standing Rock. Today though a friend posted that a golden eagle landed and people were able to pet him. An omen for sure. It worries me that the pipes are going under the Missouri River and that eventually they will leak, contaminating the water. Another Flint, Michigan in the making. How does one fight against big corporations and big money? What to do with all the buildings, amusement parks, islands that were once used but are not abandoned? Seems to me that if possible the buildings be reused or the land be returned to its natural state.

Unhappy friend

My friend was crying on the phone. Said the house manager told her to "Get out here!" and asked her if she had turned up the heat in the house. She is miserable. I have to work all this week and through next Monday, so I can't drive to the day program she attends but need to call staff. I wish she could have adjusted to the 24K apartment. It's so sad that she was asked to leave and is now living in this group home. She and the house manager push each other's buttons. She has no other alternative, but to live in this setting where she is desperately unhappy. She can't live with her cousin or with me. She has too many issues. Such a sad situation. I enjoyed my day off today. My husbnd and I went to several stores and bought a few Christmas gifts. We had to purchase a new printer because our printer was damaged in the power surge. The washer worked fine for a couple loads, but will not work now. My husband, son and I went to a Japanese restaurant and had sushi. Delicious! I am trying to be patient with my husband, and give him attention. I figure it will dust the cobwebs from his mind. It's hard because I forget that it takes time for him to process. I need to work on remembering.

Getting on track

I spent my days off, Tuesday and Wednesday, home waiting for repair techs. On Tuesday, the oven tech came and ordered the part a board that controls the timer and oven. On Wednesday, the furnace tech came and replaced the transformer in the furnace. He said, that since the furnace is 20 years old, that we need to get a carbon monoxide detector in case it malfunctions. The garage door tech came and replaced the circuit board in the garage door opener. I was aggravated that I had to stay home, but realized that repair techs only work Monday thru Friday, and since I have weekdays off, it is my job to stay home and wait for them. My husband, daughter and I drove to the department store and bought a carbon monoxide, smoke alarm combo, Halloween candy, chips and a Halloween costume for our daughter. Every year, we drive to a nearby city for my husband's family reunion on Thanksgiving. This year his brother and all the family are heading to another state to visit with my nephew, his wife and their new baby. His other brother and wife are staying home and his two cousins already have plans. My daughter wants to bring her new puppy, so it looks like it will be immediate family this year. Very different, but then perhaps it will disguise "the open chair." We won't miss my Mother as much. On All Saints, a holy day, Dad and I are going to our church for Mass and a special remembrance service. After the homily, immediate family will light a candle in memory of their loved one. I did not walk the dogs yesterday because it was bone chilling cold and wet. I did manage to walk 10,000 steps today. Trying to get back on track after the last few months. I aim to be in shape by Jan 11, the day of my annual doctor appointment. AJ in a box.