Emotional

My emotions are all over the place. I feel like crying at the drop of a hat. I noticed this last Monday. I asked a customer for his billing address and he couldn't see the sense of giving it to me because he was paying with a credit card. And he couldn't hear, so didn't understand the explanation. It was a standoff. Last night, we were discussing my aunt and uncle and I could feel myself really revving up and becoming angry. Something is wrong and I'm trying to analyze and resolve the problem. I wonder if I have not properly grieved for my uncle and the flower shop owner. I also was following the story of the 3 month old baby, and his death bothered and angered me so much that I had to go out in the garden and pull out some false strawberry plants and dig holes. Perhaps my sugar level is rising and dropping (my own fault) so as of now, I am going to be more accountable and count carbs. I also need to get together with my brother and sister and discuss dad's financial situation as my mother's home aide insurance is near an end and this worries me.

Helping my dad

Opening ceremony for the Olympic games today. Thought of my son when I saw the statue of Christ overlooking the city. My husband is keeper of the remote, so will have to watch the games on my tablet. I have come to realize that the only time my sister talks to me is when she wants to discuss our parents. It doesn't matter if I am coming to exercise at the school or if I am working. She called the other day to vent her frustration about the traffic coming into the city. It is bad...it took me two hours to go 5 miles last Saturday. A thunder storm had knocked out several traffic lights and there were a lot of visitors in town for the Chelsea/Real Madrid game. She was also frustrated that her hair appointment lasted four hours. She and her daughter have been helping my dad from 6 to 11pm or so. She feels that it is a waste of her time as she is sitting around and then at 11 helping mother get into bed. Last time I visited, my dad took a 2 hour nap as he was tired from canning tomatoes. When I mentioned that my sister in law needed two Sundays off and that I was going on vacation and would need coverage for 4 shifts, my sister commented that it was too much. My sister had valid points. When I am at the house, my dad feels free to delegate responsibility for my mother, take a nap, watch tv. He prefers to not keep getting up and down to help my mother. It wears him out.

Farewells

The 92 year old former owner of the flower shop passed away this week. He and his wife were at their cabin and he fell and broke his hip. He had Alzheimers so the fall was the beginning of the end. I remember his smile and friendliness. My 83 year old uncle passed a couple weeks ago and now the former store owner. I'm at an age where every day a friend loses a mother or father. I have been following the facebook page of a sweet baby boy and his battle with trisomy 18. Sadly he passed away yesterday after a 3 month battle. My thoughts and prayers are with them too. On a happy note, I got together with two friends and we watched "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel." Such a good movie depicting mature people as having all their senses and not acting as doddering fools. We had homemade wine coolers, mango chutney, pineapple, crackers, popcorn, strawberries, ham rolls and other goodies. My nerves have been "wired" lately. I noticed this in May. I googled the symptom and believe I have a calcium deficiency. Makes sense because while I have been on this low carb diet, I have not eaten enough mgs. of calcium. So lots of milk, cheese, yogurt, white beans etc for me.

Happy Husband

My husband went golfing with a good friend. He keeps 3 different scores--totals, putts and one other. He enjoyed himself so was in a good mood. After golfing, he went grocery shopping. I came home and because I went out on our date the previous evening, the dogs didn't get their walk. After work, I tucked them into their safety harnesses and trekked around the field. I got home and couldn't find my pedometer. I knew that I had halfway around the field so retraced my steps, only to realize that it had most likely fallen off when I took off Pudge's safety harness. Yes, it was indeed behind the couch. My husband laughed because he had hiked back to a previous hole looking for his 7 iron. He found it in his bag under the 6 iron cover. He made hamburgers and we had salad. So I would say doing things does lift his mood. My friend called and was in good spirits because some family had come from the western side of the state and had brought her some Wendy's. And they shared some good conversation. Nice for her her to know that her family cares and that they can laugh together. About my boss, he doesn't know how to fix errors when I balance the drawer incorrectly. It happened because I had a paid out and check and got discombuberated. He caught himself in his rant, "How many times have I told you....!" Well, get the accountant to show you how to fix it. Other people are simply critical and opinionated, and the best course for me is to stay away.

Doing Things With My Husband

Last evening, my husband and I went on a date. We went to the theater and watched Star Trek in 3D. He got a hearing device so he could chuckle at the dialogue. I enjoyed the movie and an activity with my husband. But today, I became annoyed because he had taken my driver license renewal form downstairs to the den. I was rather shrewish when I asked him why he had taken it downstairs. It made no sense to me, but must have seemed logical to him. I also have to renew my car plate and buy a new plate for his car. I will do this, though I don't know the style of plate he wants. And mixed up in my head is the idea that he will rant because I spend money, even though it is on plates. I delegate about 1/3 of my check on flowers for my mother, coffee and bagels, hapkido and riding. The rest of my check, he spends. He finds decision-making difficult. Very frustrating for me because I go to a lot of trouble and then he changes his mind. He says that I can't "go with the flow." But this isn't about complaining about my husband, because he can't help it. It is about learning to relate to my husband in a non-threatening manner. It is virtually impossible to carry on a conversation because there are too many hazards. So perhaps it would be better to let him do the talking, although he is more inclined to put on his earphones and watch TV. So, now I am back to the beginning of this post. I will ask him out on more dates and build a relationship by doing things together. Having a good time, smiling and laughing should lift both our spirits.

Complaining friend and minimalist living

My friend, who lives in the group home, was lamenting that she did not have knee surgery sooner. She was blaming the house facilitator of her former group home. I told her that the former manager did help her with her contaract surgery. I told her that it's best to use her energy on the present and future and to not dwell on the past. Perhaps she'll think about it, but if she continues to complain, I will tell her that I don't want to hear it. She calls every evening, and could not reach me one night because I was helping my parents. She said, "Your mom must be really bad, then." She also wants me to bring her fast food on Wednesday and go to the library book sale and buy her paperbacks, both out of pocket. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm not sure I can visit her because my dad will be coming home that day from visiting his brother, and depending when he arrives, I might have to stay with my mother. I also am going with my husband to straighten out financial aid for our daughter next Wednesday. I gained some weight back, so I have recommitted to healthy food choices. The air conditioner repairmen replaced a contact, so the air conditioner is working. My 90 year old dad drove over and was able to get the pop up trailer door open. I realized, probably 7 or so years ago, that I have everything I need to live comfortably in a pop up. It is a tiny little house, quite suitable for 1 person. The state parks have a 14 day limit. I can imagine myself moving my tiny little house from state park to state park, enjoying minimalist living and nature.

Life problems

Smiling, because life is one problem after another. I searched every nook and cranny in the house for my cell phone. Difficult because it was turned off so I couldn't just ring it and I don't have GPS. I finally realized (a bit late) that it was not in the house. My dad, though he has macular degeneration, told me, that he though he saw it on the back seat of the car. So I went to the car, put my hands between the back and seat and really searched. And it was while I was in the back seat that I noticed my phone upside down under the front passenger seat. Thank you, St. Anthony! We had driven to a couple phone stores yesterday, and at the last one, when the phone I chose was out of stock, I decided that I was not supposed to buy a phone at that time. It was a sign. Also, on the way home from my riding lesson, my riding helmet rolled to almost the exact spot where I would find my phone. So there were clues. Moving on, the door of the pop up camper will not unlock. Seems like a broken internal mechanism. I am glad my husband noticed the problem prior to our camping trip in September. The camper was in for repairs for almost two months, and now we can't get in it! We need to go straighten out my daughter's financial aid and then there is the problem of more help with my mother. My dad needs help from 6-10 pm. And the air conditioner repair people have just arrived because the air conditioner won't turn on!