Harmony

My sister invited me to a concert at her church by the choral group, Measure to Measure. The group consists of 88 male singers. I invited my husband, mother and dad. My husband picked up my parents, then came to work to get me and we drove together 23 miles to my sister's church. The first half of the concert consisted of folk and patriotic songs. Nice articulation, tone and harmony. There was a brief intermission and we had refreshements in the gathering space. Wine, water, crackers and cheese, fruit, bite size muffins. The air conditioner was on and my 88 year old mother became cold and was shivering. I asked the hostess if she had a blanket and she did! Members of the parish knit blankets for the elderly and the sick. My dad believes mother got tired because she commented on the length of the ride back. It was a fun date night--if you don't mind that we were chaperoned by three family members and that I was sitting in the seat in front of my husband! I can't find my cell phone. I had it at the concert. I drove out to the church but it was not in the lost and found. It's possible it is in the office, but the office is closed until tomorrow. I returned the two blankets (mother has blankets at home, next time I will put some in the car) and wrote a check as a donation for the wonderful hospitality and harmonious music.

Need to learn new habits

I am working on keeping my voice free of exasperation. It happens with my husband a lot. Though I am in a much better place with him than I was almost two years ago, I forget. Better because I thought he was forgetting on purpose and I was resentful. I am hoping that speaking in a calm, clear way will help him understand. Bad habits are ingrained and it will take a while to replace those with good ones. This is true of my dad also. I forgot that he couldn't see the doctor's report and so I sounded impatient. I don't have this problem with my mother because I am used to her processing issues. I am protective of my friend because she is mentally challenged, mentally ill, and physically handicapped, so am extremely patient. I am not used to my husband's or my dad's new health issues. I want to be reaffirming, supportive and helpful. I find it helps to laugh and not take life too seriously.

Led by the Spirit

My aunt and uncle live four hours away in an assisted living facility. Yesterday my cousins drove them to my uncle's funeral so they were able to visit with my parents. My mother hadn't seen her sister, who has dementia,in a year. I understand that my aunt and uncle sit in their room, refusing to participate in any of the activiites or even play cards with other residents. It seems to me that my cousins don't respect their parents or even know how to deal with the nuances of dementia. I sent a card to my aunt, hoping it will give a bit of sunshine to her day. There are so many things that can go wrong. Will it be forwarded to her because I don't know her apartment number? Though written with love, is the wording too simple? Will the note cause problems? My friend called last evening and she wasn't coherent. She lives in a group home so I called her and asked if it was permissable to bring her some McDonald's. I drove to her home, and we ate lunch together. We played Dominos and Crazy Eights. She remembered that she and her dad played Crazy Eights when he was alive. Thinking of her dad made her smile. Not sure what to think of the group home. I had to scoot because I told my dad that I would take my mother on an adventure to the store. When I got to my parents' home, my dad had remembered, so I was glad I went over. Mother and I walked around looking at the flowers in the garden section. We chose a card and sent it off to my aunt. Her name is Rosie and the card has a rose on the front. I got a call from my dad and I had accidently tucked his wallet in my purse, because wouldn't you know, his wallet and mine look alike. My husband took it back, couldn't understand how it happened. As if he has never made a mistake. My sister invited me to go with her to her church parish festival on Friday. We are going to listen to a 88 member chorale sing patriotic songs. I am glad she reached out because our relationship has been cool lately. It probably has nothing to do with me but with something going on with my sister. My dad got the results of his bloodwork back. Low iron, hemocrit, hemoglobin. He was lamenting that the doctor didn't tell him what to do, and I forgot that he couldn't see, got exasperated. She wants him to call, might suggest IV iron.

A Peaceful Heart

I think only babies look out at the world with bright, curious eyes. Eyes that have not seen injustice, tragedy, illness, death... My eyes are sad because I have seen police officers killed by snipers in Dallas, sniper fire killing young men and women at Pulse, planes plummeting into the desert, a young boy drowning enroute to Greece from Syria, a young singer losing her life to cancer and leaving behind a 2 year old and a husband, a friend with mental illness forced to live in a group home. Each sad event makes my heart heavy and makes my eyes weary. Lately, thought, I have noticed a peacefulness in my heart. And when my heart is peaceful, I can contend much better with life's challenges. I have more patience with my 70 year old husband and his forgetfulness, my elderly parents and their issues and my self centered sister. I can set a goal and work toward it. I am most grateful for a cloak of peace that allows me to face life challenges with hope, wisdom, dignity and grace.

A Day at the Zoo

My daughter, visiting from Maryland, invited me to go see the Penguin House at the Detroit Zoo. I knew my husband wanted to see the Penguin House also, so asked him if he wanted to take a vacation day from work and go with us. I had scheduled a vet visit for the dogs, so my husband and I took the dogs to their appointment. The puggle is overweight--happepned when we were trying to fatten up our labrador beagle. He also needs a teeth cleaning. After the appointment, we drove to the zoo. Penguins waddle and hop around, hesitate and then hop into the water. To go down to the lower observatory, we walked several ramps. Videos surrounding the "ship" made the ocean waves huge and dynamic. In the lower level, penguins swam and played overhead. We walked out of the Penguin house and watched 3 camels walk over to a desert mound. A little deer was curled up there and a camel touched it with a hoof as if to say, "move it!" We went into the reptile house and peered into displays looking for snakes. I enjoyed the busy ness of the prairie dogs and the antics of the wolverine. We went into a butterly house and an aviary. The sky was overcast. so even though it was warm, the sun did not beat down on us. I celebrated the day with a chili dog and some dippin dots. Schefflera, pothos, palms in the exhibits make the habitats animal friendly and comfortable. Somehow, I remember the Detroit zoo as desolate and hot, but it must have been my perception back many years ago because the exhibits are nicely done and the animals busy, except for the lions who were catnapping.

A Dream Come True

Seems like this spring is the time to fulfill bucket lists. My Dad visited the Grand Canyon, the Hoover Dam and the Redwoods and can proudly say he has visited all the lower 48 states. Kudos, Dad! Last Saturday, I headed to Woodbine Farms to practice for the horse show on Sunday. The sun was shining and the temperature was hot with a lot of mugginess. My horse, Hope, was a bit out-of-sorts with a bellyache, because she showed up lame and my instructor/owner gave her some medicine. As I watched, a horse bucked around the arena, saddle blanket and rein dragging. I was so afraid for him. Something spooked him and he threw his rider. Later, he was scratched because on Sunday, the rider lost control and the horse galloped for the barn. I went to go home only to discover that I had left my keys on the back seat and locked the car. From now on, I use the key fob to lock the car! My husband drove 30 minutes to bring me the spare. Lesson learned. I was more careful on Sunday. On Sunday, I arrived early enough to watch and learn entering and leaving the arena and starting the test. I competed with 7 other riders in Test A and in a field of 12 on Test B and placed 6th in both. Competing was the cake, winning the ribbons a bit of frosting! A dream come true!

Isolation

I understand so much better now. I know why my dad wants to talk to me when I come to visit on Tuesdays. My dad and brother left May 14 for their Great Western Adventure and my mother and I are keeping the home fires burning. My mother is immobile and has some cognitive impairment, so someone needs to be with her all the time. The schedule worked out so that between her aides, my sister and me, all the hours are covered. I help her dress, prepare her meals, keep her stimulated with scrabble, reading material and tv. My son mowed the lawn during my dad's trip so he visits with us on Tuesday. And on Memorial Day, my husband and our children and one of their friends visited. But the visit ended all too soon. Once we ate dinner (right after lunch and a snack), mother settled down and became more peaceful. She was agitated and confused, worried that my family would not get enough to eat. My husband did stop over a couple times, but when it's a string of three weeks, it's like a drop in the bucket. Even though I enjoy talking with my mother and we have a good time, I feel isolated.