Monday, February 25, 2013
Family Dynamics
I discovered that all it takes is a family crisis to make an entire family fall apart. My relationship with my sister has been suffering since November. I apologized for a misunderstanding and then a week ago, my sister reemed at me for a half hour about the things I did which displeased her. She came up to the nursing home yesterday and wanted to know if I had talked to my brother because he is blaming my sister for my mother being in hospice. My mother's prognosis was determined because she failed the rehab tests. My sister and I are on good terms for the time being. However, now my brother and sister are having difficulties.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
A Timeline
Feb 11, 2013
My mother got up and ate breakfast. Then my brother, sister, and dad decided to drive her to emergency. I had suggested a transport, but used the word "ambulance." My sister negated the idea. My mother attempted to get in the car head first and ended up sitting on the running board. So they rolled her into the car, facing backwards and drove five minutes to the hospital. The hospital aides struggled to remove her from the car. She was admitted to the hospital because of the ulcers on her buttocks.
Feb12, 2013
An asute nurse thought to test her for -diff since my mother was complaining of stomach pain The test came back positive. My mother was unresponsive due to the narcotic morphine.
Feb 13, 2013
Doctos decided that she would be transferred to the nursing home tomorrow, Thurs.
Feb 14, 2013
Last night, Mother was given a beta blocker which slowed her heart rate to 29 bpm. Cardiologist suggested a pacemaker which Dad turned down. She would never survive surgery and it would serve no useful purpose. No move as the social workers cannot give a prognosis as to whether she is hospice or rehab.
Feb 15, 2013
Meeting with social workers. Mother could not feed herself or move because of the drug morphine so failed the rehab test, and is given the prognosis, hospice.
Feb 16 and Feb 17, 2013
Social work office is closed for weekend. Pending move Monday.
Feb 18, 2013
Mother is moved by ambulance to nursing facility. Dad, brother, sister and I were there. She was very afraid, repeated "I'm so scared!" I sat beside her and gradually she calmed down.
Feb 19, 2013
I took a poster and some books and taped them to the wall where she could see them. I talked to physical and occupational therapists, but since she is hospice, she is not supposed to receive these services. However, the therapists are meeting with their supervisors, asking for two weeks of rehab therapy.
Feb 20, 2013
Her air mattress arrived today, so she was hoisted out of bed and into her chair. We sat in the dining room/lounge for a couple hours. First time she had been out of bed in over a week.
Feb 21, 2013
Brother came to visit. Again she sat in wheelchair.
Feb 22, 2013
Manicurist cut and filed her fingernails. Sister came to visit and took her for a long walk in her wheelchair.
Feb 23, 2013
It is Saturday, so no therapy today. She ate a good lunch, but did not want dinner. Dad and I will try to change the prognosis to rehab. Hope she will understand and cooperate. Dad is going to test for c-diff too. He is exhibiting the same symptoms.
Feb 24, 2013
When I arrived at the nursing home, my mother was sleeping. My dad attributed her sleepiness to her "nerve pill." She woke up enough to eat. After dinner, she was very uncomfortable with abdominal pain. My father discovered that because she is on hospice, she is not receiving an antibiotic for the c-diff. We talked to an occupational therapist and she told us to terminate hospice services and talk to a social worker about receiving rehab. Need to to this tomorrow.
Feb 25, 2013
Had an illuminating discussion with the nurse. The c-diff is under control. My mother had her last antibiotics on Friday. She believes that the stomach pain is caused by gas. I believe the back pain is bone spurs or osteo arthritis.
Feb 26, 2013
I arrived early to help my mother with breakfast. She sat in her wheelchair and I helped her eat We went to the main lobby to watch the activity in the parking lot. She is in pain either from her pressure sores, gas in the stomach or bone spurs. She sat up for six hours and then was helped to bed. She was in distress, tossing and turning and uncomfortable. Very hard to figure out a strategy.
My mother got up and ate breakfast. Then my brother, sister, and dad decided to drive her to emergency. I had suggested a transport, but used the word "ambulance." My sister negated the idea. My mother attempted to get in the car head first and ended up sitting on the running board. So they rolled her into the car, facing backwards and drove five minutes to the hospital. The hospital aides struggled to remove her from the car. She was admitted to the hospital because of the ulcers on her buttocks.
Feb12, 2013
An asute nurse thought to test her for -diff since my mother was complaining of stomach pain The test came back positive. My mother was unresponsive due to the narcotic morphine.
Feb 13, 2013
Doctos decided that she would be transferred to the nursing home tomorrow, Thurs.
Feb 14, 2013
Last night, Mother was given a beta blocker which slowed her heart rate to 29 bpm. Cardiologist suggested a pacemaker which Dad turned down. She would never survive surgery and it would serve no useful purpose. No move as the social workers cannot give a prognosis as to whether she is hospice or rehab.
Feb 15, 2013
Meeting with social workers. Mother could not feed herself or move because of the drug morphine so failed the rehab test, and is given the prognosis, hospice.
Feb 16 and Feb 17, 2013
Social work office is closed for weekend. Pending move Monday.
Feb 18, 2013
Mother is moved by ambulance to nursing facility. Dad, brother, sister and I were there. She was very afraid, repeated "I'm so scared!" I sat beside her and gradually she calmed down.
Feb 19, 2013
I took a poster and some books and taped them to the wall where she could see them. I talked to physical and occupational therapists, but since she is hospice, she is not supposed to receive these services. However, the therapists are meeting with their supervisors, asking for two weeks of rehab therapy.
Feb 20, 2013
Her air mattress arrived today, so she was hoisted out of bed and into her chair. We sat in the dining room/lounge for a couple hours. First time she had been out of bed in over a week.
Feb 21, 2013
Brother came to visit. Again she sat in wheelchair.
Feb 22, 2013
Manicurist cut and filed her fingernails. Sister came to visit and took her for a long walk in her wheelchair.
Feb 23, 2013
It is Saturday, so no therapy today. She ate a good lunch, but did not want dinner. Dad and I will try to change the prognosis to rehab. Hope she will understand and cooperate. Dad is going to test for c-diff too. He is exhibiting the same symptoms.
Feb 24, 2013
When I arrived at the nursing home, my mother was sleeping. My dad attributed her sleepiness to her "nerve pill." She woke up enough to eat. After dinner, she was very uncomfortable with abdominal pain. My father discovered that because she is on hospice, she is not receiving an antibiotic for the c-diff. We talked to an occupational therapist and she told us to terminate hospice services and talk to a social worker about receiving rehab. Need to to this tomorrow.
Feb 25, 2013
Had an illuminating discussion with the nurse. The c-diff is under control. My mother had her last antibiotics on Friday. She believes that the stomach pain is caused by gas. I believe the back pain is bone spurs or osteo arthritis.
Feb 26, 2013
I arrived early to help my mother with breakfast. She sat in her wheelchair and I helped her eat We went to the main lobby to watch the activity in the parking lot. She is in pain either from her pressure sores, gas in the stomach or bone spurs. She sat up for six hours and then was helped to bed. She was in distress, tossing and turning and uncomfortable. Very hard to figure out a strategy.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Clearing the Air
Yesterday an air mattress arrived for my mother's bed to relieve the pain from the ulcers. Two CENAs used some kind of device to help her into a wheelchair. It was her first time out of bed in over a week. My dad and I pushed her into the dining room. It was her initial visit so she looked around, played a game from afar. I brushed her hair and read her a story.
If only there was a way to keep her comfortable and pain free without making her sleepy. Baby steps. Our goals are for her to sit in her wheelchair for a couple hours every day and to feed herself.
My dad called me and while we were talking, my sister rang through. I returned the call and received an earful for 30 minutes. I had been expecting some kind of call as I knew the pressure between us was building. She is resentful that I never made it up to the hospital until Sunday...six days after my mother had been admitted. She said that she has just gone through hospice with her mother in law, and does not want to do it again. She told me that I had said I would take care of this situation with my mother and dad, and she wants me to take care of my dad. She cannot handle more insurance issues and my dad's confusion with them. She is a martial arts instructor and has to deal with misbehaving students and difficult parents. She does not want my father to have false hope about my mother and her recovery. Perhaps a counselor should talk with him.
My dad asked me not to become angry and I didn't. I listened and let her vent. I am glad that we, in actuality she, had the opportunity to talk.
I believe the prognosis is wrong but I can understand how it would have been impossible to determine the correct one. My mother was on morphine and failed both tests for rehab...moving her legs and feeding herself. I was honestly surprised to see her green eyes wide awake and looking at me last Monday. As with any illness, there are good days and bad days. The stroke induced dementia will still be present. However, I would hope that my mother could sit in her wheelchair, converse, interact, listen to stories, and transition from chair to restroom with the aid of her walker.
If only there was a way to keep her comfortable and pain free without making her sleepy. Baby steps. Our goals are for her to sit in her wheelchair for a couple hours every day and to feed herself.
My dad called me and while we were talking, my sister rang through. I returned the call and received an earful for 30 minutes. I had been expecting some kind of call as I knew the pressure between us was building. She is resentful that I never made it up to the hospital until Sunday...six days after my mother had been admitted. She said that she has just gone through hospice with her mother in law, and does not want to do it again. She told me that I had said I would take care of this situation with my mother and dad, and she wants me to take care of my dad. She cannot handle more insurance issues and my dad's confusion with them. She is a martial arts instructor and has to deal with misbehaving students and difficult parents. She does not want my father to have false hope about my mother and her recovery. Perhaps a counselor should talk with him.
My dad asked me not to become angry and I didn't. I listened and let her vent. I am glad that we, in actuality she, had the opportunity to talk.
I believe the prognosis is wrong but I can understand how it would have been impossible to determine the correct one. My mother was on morphine and failed both tests for rehab...moving her legs and feeding herself. I was honestly surprised to see her green eyes wide awake and looking at me last Monday. As with any illness, there are good days and bad days. The stroke induced dementia will still be present. However, I would hope that my mother could sit in her wheelchair, converse, interact, listen to stories, and transition from chair to restroom with the aid of her walker.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Wrong Classification
After spending two days with my mother, I firmly believe that her classification should be "rehab" and not "hospice." Yes, she is very ill with c-diff and in incredible pain from this horrible illness. Her stomach and back hurt, she has ulcers on her buttocks, her left knee is paining her. However, if nothing goes terribly awry, she will be better in two months. The nurse told me today that she is "acute." So physical therapy will be bedside for a while. We have to put off sitting in a wheelchair or mobility exercises for a time.
I found a poster of a colorful Dalmation puppy and taped it to her closet door. We looked at picture books and I surmise I bored her to death with photos on my tablet. She ate well...mechanical soft (ground) chicken, potatoes, spinach and spiced apples. She told me she was afraid that I would not come back and that she loved me. And, Mother, I love you too.
I found a poster of a colorful Dalmation puppy and taped it to her closet door. We looked at picture books and I surmise I bored her to death with photos on my tablet. She ate well...mechanical soft (ground) chicken, potatoes, spinach and spiced apples. She told me she was afraid that I would not come back and that she loved me. And, Mother, I love you too.
Comforts
I can't begin to tell you how this blog comforts me. When I am helpless and unable to do anything, I can write, I can be in control. It is my day off and so I slept in. I am trying to recover from the long work week. I chose to stay home while the garage
door company refits our garage door, to the tune of six hundred forty dollars or so. I will go visit my mother later this afternoon. It will give the therapists, doctors, nurses and aides the opportunity to work with her to make her better. I called the therapist to ask about appropriate clothing for my mother. She told me to wait and see, that for now a hospital gown is okay, later she can wear the clothes she wore at home, pull on slacks and blouse. I need to check the guidelines for room decorations. It is a semi private room and my mother's room mate has taken over with her cards and plants. However she is very sweet and offered to move some of them. I will check to see if we can adhere a poster to the closet door or the wall. One of the sites I visited, suggested making an "all about me" book.
My mother was one of 10 children. When she was 16 years old, she moved about 250 miles from her birth town to live with her sister. My dad was her sister's friend and it was through her sister that she met my dad. I guess they were driving somewhere and my dad told her sister, "I don't want to sit next to her!" (He was shy!). They were married in her hometown 65 years ago. My mother worked as a switchboard operator at "The Bell" and at the bank and also as a desk clerk at an inn. In her free time, she was a Girl Scout Leader for my troop, she drove my brother to baseball games and my sister to ballet. She was at peace in the yard weeding her rose bushes and her hedge. She spent many hours playing pinochle, bridge and euchre. At Christmas time, she would bake 20 fruit cakes to give as gifts. She never missed a year traveling to Florida or up north, riding in the truck which pulled the "condo on wheels" (30' travel trailer). On Labor Day, pedestrians are allowed to walk from the northern side of the Mackinac Bridge to the south. She would drive my dad across the bridge so that he could do the walk. This past summer, we camped, going to the Shrine in the Woods and to dinner at Papa Lou's in Petoskey. She would hop in her wheelchair and we would tool around the park and she would read the names on the trailers and 5th wheels, "Winnebago, Palomino, Starcraft, Cobra, Tioga." She would build a roaring campfire and tell us, "I used ONE match!" My mother could hold long conversations. I'd be chatting with my mother for so long that my husband's mother would call the operator to check the line! She and my dad are founding members of their church parish, and she is a powerful prayer warrior. She has three children, thirteen grand children and six great grandchildren.
door company refits our garage door, to the tune of six hundred forty dollars or so. I will go visit my mother later this afternoon. It will give the therapists, doctors, nurses and aides the opportunity to work with her to make her better. I called the therapist to ask about appropriate clothing for my mother. She told me to wait and see, that for now a hospital gown is okay, later she can wear the clothes she wore at home, pull on slacks and blouse. I need to check the guidelines for room decorations. It is a semi private room and my mother's room mate has taken over with her cards and plants. However she is very sweet and offered to move some of them. I will check to see if we can adhere a poster to the closet door or the wall. One of the sites I visited, suggested making an "all about me" book.
My mother was one of 10 children. When she was 16 years old, she moved about 250 miles from her birth town to live with her sister. My dad was her sister's friend and it was through her sister that she met my dad. I guess they were driving somewhere and my dad told her sister, "I don't want to sit next to her!" (He was shy!). They were married in her hometown 65 years ago. My mother worked as a switchboard operator at "The Bell" and at the bank and also as a desk clerk at an inn. In her free time, she was a Girl Scout Leader for my troop, she drove my brother to baseball games and my sister to ballet. She was at peace in the yard weeding her rose bushes and her hedge. She spent many hours playing pinochle, bridge and euchre. At Christmas time, she would bake 20 fruit cakes to give as gifts. She never missed a year traveling to Florida or up north, riding in the truck which pulled the "condo on wheels" (30' travel trailer). On Labor Day, pedestrians are allowed to walk from the northern side of the Mackinac Bridge to the south. She would drive my dad across the bridge so that he could do the walk. This past summer, we camped, going to the Shrine in the Woods and to dinner at Papa Lou's in Petoskey. She would hop in her wheelchair and we would tool around the park and she would read the names on the trailers and 5th wheels, "Winnebago, Palomino, Starcraft, Cobra, Tioga." She would build a roaring campfire and tell us, "I used ONE match!" My mother could hold long conversations. I'd be chatting with my mother for so long that my husband's mother would call the operator to check the line! She and my dad are founding members of their church parish, and she is a powerful prayer warrior. She has three children, thirteen grand children and six great grandchildren.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Perceptions
My work friend suggested that I call the nursing facility to find out if my mother had been transferred yet from the hospital. I discovered that my father was in admissions filling out paper work and that the unit was waiting the arrival of my mother. I got to the home in time to see the ambulance pull in. The next few hours were confusing--trying to comfort my mother who repeated, "I'm so scared!" every minute or so. She told me to tell her not to be scared, and so I did. Physical therapists, nurses, hospice nurses, aides...lots of people to meet. I had to find the call button, wipes, pantry, learn the codes to open the doors.
This afternoon I would turn to see my mother's bright eyes looking at me. I was perhaps 12 inches away from her. She would comment on the people traveling up and down the hall. We looked at pictures in a book about radio. She knew some of the artists. I helped her eat a a bit of dinner.
My wish for my mother is pain management so that she can regain some mobility, that she would be able to transfer from bed to wheelchair or even with the aid of a walker use the restroom. I want her to be able to sit up and feed herself. I would hope that she would converse with people that interest her. So I will step back and let the people do their work. Time will tell but I do not see a woman much different from the one that I visited two weeks ago. She is still interested in the things around her, wants to get better. I do not see a woman lying on a bed, waiting to die.
This afternoon I would turn to see my mother's bright eyes looking at me. I was perhaps 12 inches away from her. She would comment on the people traveling up and down the hall. We looked at pictures in a book about radio. She knew some of the artists. I helped her eat a a bit of dinner.
My wish for my mother is pain management so that she can regain some mobility, that she would be able to transfer from bed to wheelchair or even with the aid of a walker use the restroom. I want her to be able to sit up and feed herself. I would hope that she would converse with people that interest her. So I will step back and let the people do their work. Time will tell but I do not see a woman much different from the one that I visited two weeks ago. She is still interested in the things around her, wants to get better. I do not see a woman lying on a bed, waiting to die.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
A Visit with my mother
It was so cold this morning as I drove to church. Someone said the temperature was 8 degrees Farenheit! It was cold to the bone! After church, I visited my mother. I was initially surprised at the quietness of her room--no beeping monitors. When my husband is in the hospital, the monitors beep away. I helped her eat breakfast and asked the nurse for some pain medicine for her knee. I suspect lying in bed and the contorted position of her leg is causing her pain. I stayed until I had to leave to open the store. I kept busy with customers and clean up...50 or so vases to wash. It's good to have something to do. It keeps my thoughts at bay. My dad stopped by to tell me he had visited the nursing facility. He looks tired, so I am glad I get off early afternoon tomorrow and finally, after the long Valentine week, have two days off. I can visit with my mother so that my dad can have some time for himself. And then a bit of pampering for me--hair dyed and cut, brows, mustache, chin hair waxed. The sun was out and it was a fine day for a drive. I was careful with my comments as my sister and my hairdresser are best friends. So at first it was amusing to see how we avoided the elephant in the room. Finally she initiated the conversation with "I'm sorry you're mother is in the hospital." That is not what the sorrow is about. The sorry is that a couple that has been together 65 years is now separated, my mother is in hospice care, my dad looks like he's aged 10 years in a week. She also went on to say how my father can't take care of my mother any more. Interesting, because this is not the issue. The issue is pain management which we cannot seem to manage, but then again, neither can the hospital. My father has said several times that he doesn't want her sleeping all the time, and the morphine knocks her out. However he did say that they were trying a pain patch on her knee.
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