Choices

Yesterday, I left the house at noon and drove to the nursing facility.  I toured the first wing which housed the memory patients.  It was what I expected...mostly women in wheelchairs off in their own little world.  The residents were finishing lunch.  Christmas trees were still displayed.  The rooms are semi-private, a small narrow hospital bed, dresser.  I can't visualize my mother on this floor.  The other wing was nicer.  The residents were up and about...reading, one was doing a puzzle.  The criteria to live in this unit is to know when to use the call button.

I drove from the nursing home to my parents' house.  When I got there, my mother's aide was just leaving and we chatted for a few minutes.  My mother had no pain medications and because she hurt so badly, she had great difficulty getting out of bed.  Her aide said that it was a bad day.  And the hospice nurse had gotten delayed and wouldn't be there for two hours.  The nurse arrived and my sister motioned for both my dad and me to be quiet.  She did not get a true picture because my mother did not mention that she is a shut-in and has mobility issues.  This information came out at the end.  However, it does not look like hospice can help.  The nurse suggested to make an appointment with the doctor and pain management medications.  Also suggested a hospital bed and a raised dinner tray.

I stayed for awhile after the nurse left and made dinner.  My mother could swallow the soft foods...mashed potatoes, peas and applesauce, whipped chiffon dessert.  However, she could not manage the meat, even though it was soft and tender.  Have to figure out what she can eat.  I will experiment with small curd cottage cheese and crushed pineapple, sugar-free yogurt and pureed bananas, the kind infants eat, and my mother's recipe, Yankee Doodle Soup.

I was not sure that my father could eat this meal.  I was afraid that it would upset his stomach.  I plan to go over to the house today, and will ask him how he feels.  My father enjoyed watching the local and world news.

The first order of business is get the pain under control so that mother is more comfortable.  and to get more help for my father.  He cannot manage any longer.  He has health issues of his own.  We need to weigh the choices and make the best decision for both my mother and dad.

A spring broke in my father's favorite chair.    We decided to move the chair from the den into the living room.  Only thing is that chair has flared arms.  We tried to move it out....wouldn't fit through the door.  My dad took the door off and by lying the chair on its side, and finagling this way and that we managed to get it free.  It looks nice, and it reclines and has a foot rest!

I will go to the store and buy some soft foods and then go to the house to talk with my mother's aide and check on my mother and dad.  I was up early, because lying in bed made my head hurt.

Weather suits my mood

It is raining and quite foggy which suits my mood.  It's as if nature is commiserating with me.  However, I do not want to give in to sarcasm and bitterness.  I do not want to be so objectionable that I isolate myself.

One of the marketing specialists from the nursing homes called me back.  I asked her if she knew my husband's aunt who had resided there for a while.  Not only did she know her, but is good friends with her daughters.  A connection in the sea of uncertainty.
I am going to tour the facility on Friday before work.

Breakfast was comforting, hot oatmeal with apples and cinnamon and steaming coffee.  I have an appointement for a tour today, and then will stop by my parents' house.  I don't know if the hospice nurse will discuss her findings today or write a report.  Surely not with my mother present?  And I want to take my parents a greeting card.

Wrong Turns

My sister cornered me last night and wanted to talk.  I told that I would talk after class but she said that she was going home. Once in her office she told me that my father had said that I was mad at her.  Suggested that I not bother my dad with such feelings, but call her.  She went to visit my mother to assess her condition, and has decided that my mother has several conditions indicating end of life.  So today, the hospice nurse is coming to evaluate my mother.  I don't know what my mother was told about this visitor.  I don't know if she will really care.  And we still need to decide the proper action to take.  24 hour care at home, a move to a facility.  As she says in the children's movie "Emperor's New Groove," "which one?  which one?"

I know that my parents and those I love cannot live forever.  I look at the photos from last summer, and see how quickly circumstances can change.  I am at peace that I have helped my parents as much as possible to date.  And I will continue to enjoy their company until the end.

I am grieving, but cannot go around with tears in my eyes and a sad face.  I have never lost my parents before, so am learning as I go. I probably will make several wrong turns before the crisis is over.

Nose out of joint....

Snow and ice here today.  School closures and delayed flights.  Didn't matter to my daughter as she had no school anyway.  However, she is having a time getting home from visiting her sister.  The flight was delayed and then delayed again.  So when I texted her to ask her ETA she answered back "Never!"  How well I know the feeling.  A four hour delay in Ft. Lauderdale coming back from San Jose.

Got a call from my sister last night, but happy to say did not budge an inch and gave as good as I got.  However, the sister called and got the doctor's number and has arranged for a nurse to come and evaluate my mother tomorrow.  Very kind of her...she will let me know the time.   Received a text at work about the evaluation..  I called several facilities, spoke to one marketing specialist and will tour the place tomorrow.  Left two other messages.

I will not talk to my sister about my mother's care when I am training.  It is upsetting and I can't focus.

My sister upset me so much that I teared up at work in front of my coworkers.  Nice!  As my coworker said to tell my sister, "Since you want to take over this project, I will step back and you can make all the arrangements."  However, she infuriates me and I told my father so.  I noticed she was over at the house, but did not stop by.  My sister is not so concerned about my mother as worried about my father.  And she does not see that when one separates a couple who have been together for 65 years, that both will pay a toll.

My original plan was to talk to various skilled care facilities.  Then with the help of a doctor or nurse prepare my mother and father for the move.  Let them get used to the idea.  Then expedite the move and help both adjust.  Is my nose out of joint?  We discussed this at work and perhaps it is.  But my father cannot say no to his favorite daughter (my sister) and I am the only advocate for my mother.

Sister also said that my brother wants to be in on the decision.

Hospice Care

My dad called this evening concerned about my mother's care  My mother's back has been hurting for the past three weeks, making it difficult to move or eat.  And she is sleeping a lot.  Her doctor has suggested placing her in hospice care.  So the four of us need to decide about a facility.  My brother and I are  supportive of my dad's decision...will help in any way we can.   I would never have foreseen a back problem as the cause of putting my mother in a nursing facility.  I am not the only one with family issues.  A good friend is dealing with his brother's cancer, his son's and wife's illness.  He said that he knows God only gives us as much as we can handle, but that he has reached the top.  And yes, I would say he has.  I jot him a note every day, and hope that some day when he has time, he will read them.

Perspective

On facebook, yesterday I saw a photo of the ferry heading across Lake Huron from St. Ignace to Mackinac Island.  The surface of Lake Huron was covered with ice.  The cold will help the ice form and hopefully next  month, there will be an ice bridge from the island to the city.  Someone will spud the ice to check the thickness.  And if it is thick enough, Christmas trees will be planted to mark the way!  And then the residents can go back and forth on their snowmobiles!  So if you ask a Mackinac Island resident what the coming of the ice brings, he or she will tell you freedom.  Now living it the city, bad driving conditions such as snow or ice, generally mean that I am homebound until the storm abates.

I decided to forego the drive to the river and rather go to a small park near my house to take photos.  The creek that runs through the southeast part of the city goes through the park and it is only a half mile away.   Good thing too, because I got there to take photos and discovered that the SD card was still in the tablet.   So home to get it.  I got a photo from the top of the bridge, and then went down the bank (had a twig in my coat hood) to get a photo of the creek.  The cold seemed to drain the rechargeable batteries after the two shots.

Creek running through the southeast section of the city