Decisions

My coworker fell the end of April and fractured her arm and dislocated her elbow, necessitating surgery and a work hiatus of six weeks. She is now trying to get back on track. She had looked forward to doing some grocery shopping yesterday on her day off, but the money wasn't put on her card, so her much-anticipated trip was postponed. Her cell phone bill was due the end of the month and she hasn't been able to pay it, so it is likely it will be turned off. In spite of loans from managers, she is struggling.

My problems seem picayune compared to hers. Little things at home bother me. The closed drapes in the living room that would be open if my husband were at work. The glade air freshener by my laptop. My husband's things on the dining room table.

I am trying to decide:
Should I register for another rec center class?
My parents and brother are going to the state park for a week. Do I want to go?
Perhaps I should join a local writing support group.

The question is what do I want to do?

Worked alone

One of my coworkers left for a seminar last week and another leaves on vacation tomorrow. I worked the front alone until 1:00 p.m. and I must say it was very pleasant. Another coworker leaves the last week of July and I'm trying to figure out if I can cover all my shifts and go on vacation that week. We will see. Our daughter did the discharge run from the hospital. My cell phone rang as I was with a customer and as the president of the company stood by. Wouldn't you know! I told him it was discharge information. But husband and daughter managed to find each other. I missed 2 HKD classes, 1 sparring class and 2 softball games during the hospital fiasco, but managed to circuit train Tues and today. I am drenched when I'm finished and have to hit the shower. I watered the rhododendron. The new plants struggle in the heat and drought. I do not have the energy to invest in another online friend. Our online relationship became a struggle when he became single. His status changed; mine did not. I think that about sums it up in a nutshell. Even though I invested countless hours writing encouraging, empathetic, supportive email, I did not turn my back on my family or friends. My mother, father, husband, children and friends are still around when my online friend moved on to greener pastures.

Oblation Today

My husband had his oblation today. He was shivering when he came back up to his room, so we covered him with warm blankets. Gradually he warmed up, and started to feel better. His doctor told me that he should be able to come home tomorrow. I am tired after waiting and wondering and visiting up at the hospital. I lost him for a minute. The patient transporter had taken him up to his room and left me behind.

I stopped at the library and checked out 4 new books. I'm not quite sure of the genre. The books have a slight mystery but aren't as dark as the mysteries I've been reading.

I called my daughter and wished her a happy Peruvian adventure. She leaves on Friday.

I am doing okay

Slowly, slowly I am healing from the loss of my friend. As my boss requested I am not "moping around." My son moped around for months when his love left the store and got another job. But because of that he could truly tell me "I'm sorry." Told me that the cure was sushi! I smiled because that was how I tried to help him, by inviting him to have a plate of sushi. And work colleagues talked to me about folks misrepresenting themselves on text and online. The friendship never developed the way I thought it would anyway. I was expecting helpful suggestions for writing and a book collaboration. I thought he would be forthcoming which he never was. You ask then, why in the world is she so upset? The writing was totally one-sided.

The three dogs and I are holed up in my bedroom. The painters will be working on the front doors and the doors have to remain open to dry and not stick. They are thinking the painting will be finished by noon. I am listening to one unhappy whining puggle.

My husband is not sure what is going on. It looks like he will be released. If so, he says he will not reschedule the procedure. I understand, and since it his condition is asymptomatic, think he's making a good choice.

I am going to my dad's to meet with the home care owner today. Many options and decisions to be made.

Complications

My husband and I were up at 5:30 to be at the cardiovascular center by 6:30. The nurses explained the procedure and I kissed him goodbye as he was wheeled away. Got a call a couple hours later from the doctor explaining that his BP had skyrocketed and his lungs had filled with fluid, and that all was well, but the procedure had to be postponed. So I spent the last several hours chilling with him in his hospital room. I also had to do damage control. My sweet father called and told me that my mother was upset with the idea of home care, and that he thought she would be angry at my sister and me. So I took her some beautiful white and lavender glads, arranged them in a vase, and told her about the "thinking" meeting tomorrow with the head of the home care aides. I told her that we needed her ideas for her comfort. On a positive note, the painters finished the front and back of the house and the back storm door. Looks beautiful!

There are no new messages in your inbox

Sad, isn't it? You would think that I would be numb to that message. I'm not, however and every time I look at it, it reminds me of my loss. My friend and daughter say that he will miss me and write. I don't think so. Perhaps he wanted something that I couldn't give him. Maybe he is in a new relationship and needs to invest all his time in nurturing that relationship. Good thing I have strong shoulders. My friends and I have gone our separate ways, but I've never had a terminated online friendship before. If only I had opted out first! There is my husband's heart procedure tomorrow, not serious, only an overnight, and interviewing home care workers for my mother, who insists she doesn't want them, and the women at work who insist on coming in and padding the schedule. The boss says, "At least LOOK like you're busy!" At least I talked to my father and lifted the cloud that was hanging over his head about my mother's displeasure with the workers.

It happened

I got an email today from a friend telling me that his email address was going to self-destruct in 24 hours, that's it's time to move on. So after 2 years, it has happened, the end of thousands, millions of words back and forth, admittedly most of them from me. I can't say I really understand except that friends have to be committed to each other, and both sides have to do their part to keep the friendship alive. And if he chooses to let the friendship lapse, then I really have no choice but to let it go. For days now, he has been giving away nothing, not allowing me even the tiniest insight into what is going on. I wish him well, and thank him for two beautiful gifts that he gave me which remind me of him.